Onto today's post:
Yesterday I got a package in the mail. I'd talked with Fishducky a few days before. She said, "I'm sending something to you. Open the package when you're alone and then follow the instructions."
That sounded epic!
So, when I saw the package yesterday, I felt like a spy. But I had instructions to open that thing alone--my kids couldn't see it!
"Look over there," I screamed and pointed, using the oldest trick in the book. All of my children looked out the window as I snatched the package from the porch and tip-toed up the stairs. I shut my bedroom door and locked it after that.
Life seemed so bright! I had a package. Plus, I don't think I've ever been in a room alone, not really. Usually someone's hanging on my leg, or trying to wipe snot on me. I'm changing diapers or cleaning milk off the floor.
I'm not complaining--not really--I'm just saying that sometimes change is nice, and my room seemed awfully quiet.
So with shaky hands, I opened the package, and pulled out a note. This is what I read:
Please follow these step by step instructions:
1-There are 7 duck nose masks--one for each of your kids, plus one for Mr. P & one each for you & Melynda. Give everyone a nose.
I stopped right there. I mean seriously--Fishducky is awesome. Melynda (from Crazy world) and I are always saying that she's our kind of duck!
I smiled and pulled a sack out of the package. Yes indeed, there were 7 duck nose masks.
So, I read on:
2-Put all the other (5) animal noses on a table. Tell the kids Fishducky said: EVERYONE PICK YOUR NOSE!!
I called Melynda, and she brought Mr. P right over. I handed them each a duck nose mask and this is what they looked like:
Melynda and I--ducks in training.
I put all the other noses in a sack on the coffee table. That's when the urge to tell a story overtook me.
Fine, I'll admit it; I've gotten good at B.S.ing my children.
"Once upon a time," I said. "There was a man who was born without a nose."
You should have seen Melynda's face. That woman is A DOLL! I bet she was thinking, "Oh no. Where is this story going?"
"Yep, a nose-less man," I continued.
"Like Voldemort?" the Hippie asked. "How sad."
"No." I laughed. "Just a kind man . . . with no nose
. . . or nose holes. Sure he could hear better than anyone. He saw the details and beauty of flowers since he couldn't smell them. But that poor man refused to be happy the way he was."
"Yeah," the Scribe giggled. "'Cause he didn't have a nose! That would suck."
Mr. P started laughing then, these huge laughs that made me giggle.
After a moment, we all calmed down. "Well, he prayed to God, and the Lord took pity on him. He sent down a stork . . . who carried this sack from Heaven."
"Don't storks normally carry babies?" the Scribe asked, always calling me on my crap.
"Fine . . . it wasn't a stork . . . it was a duck!" That was witty AND it fit perfectly. "It was a fishducky who carried this sack from Heaven."
I opened the sack and set the noses on the coffee table. "Do you know why God sent the sack to the man?"
They all shook their heads, everyone except Melynda who tried not laughing as she looked at the table.
"He wanted to let the man pick his very own nose. The only problem was . . . He sent animal noses!"
The kids didn't laugh, they didn't even smile. They were in awe.
"Cool," Mr. P whispered.
"So, children! Fishducky sent these noses today, and she said, 'Everyone pick your nose!'"
They were so excited. The oldest ones rushed to the table, but the Zombie Elf looked confused.
"What's wrong?" I asked him. "Come on, buddy. Come pick your nose."
He stayed sitting on the couch. I watched as his finger went closer to his nostril . . . closer and closer.
"No!" Realization dawned on me. "Pick THIS nose." I pointed at the table, and after seeing the noses, he seemed so relieved.
The children hovered around, and we went youngest to oldest.
Here are the noses they picked:
The kids had so much fun, that the Zombie Elf even hugged his trunk as he went to sleep.
"Mom," the Hippie said, "I felt bad for the nose-less man, but now I think he was kind of lucky."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"Because it's fun trying on different noses."
That night when my kids said their prayers, the Hippie said she's thankful for her face, the Scribe said she's thankful for Fishducky, and the Zombie Elf said he's thankful for elephants . . . And me, well, I'm thankful for my online family, because that's really what a lot of you have become.
We had a ball. This is a memory we'll never forget!
(a duck in training)