Monday, November 21, 2011

Mixed Messages and How My Husband Almost Died

    Check out the tabs above this post for info about the iPad2 Giveaway, the blogfest and my book which has been released. 
    For a new review of my book, please go here:

The Golden Sky by E.C. Stilson

    Now, for the story of the day . . .
    I am not a construction worker.  I know this may shock you since I seem tougher than nails and stronger than Samson.  But, really, I hate to ruin the picture you had because once again, I am not a construction worker.
    This does surprise me a bit, still, because when I was a kid, I wanted to be a pastor or a drill rig operator.  Neither happened.  I sinned too much to be a pastor (which doesn't stop some people) and no one would hire me to drill.
    Back to the point; Cade asked if I'd go with him to the dump.  We'd take the dump truck and everything, so that's why I said, "Heck yeah!"
    When I was little, there was nothing better than going to the dump.  I didn't have to get out of the truck.  The whole time I visited with my daddy.  And then, at the end of the adventure, that sweet man would buy me a slurpee!  (That's a slushie, in case you didn't know.)
    Anyway, Cade drove us to the dump.  "Can we get slurpees on the way home?" I asked him.
    "Ummm . . . Elisa, why are you so excited about this?  And why are you asking permission?"
    "Because it's nostalgic, and we're in a genuine dump truck."
    He shook his head and tapped the wheel.  "Now pay attention.  When we get to the dump, I'll lift the back section, and you'll need to be in the driver's seat."
    "Yeah?" I said.  Was he serious?!  Did he think it was my birthday or something? 


    We were almost there.  "I'll show you some hand signals.  When one person's in the front and the other is back there, this thing is too hard to hear over."
    So, the man, who practically looked like Zeus with tan skin and bulging muscles, he showed me some hand signals.  "This one means backward, and this one means stop.  This means forward and this means turn, right and then . . . left.  This means cut the engine.  This means boom down."
    "Hold up, boom down?" my joy screeched to a stop.  He'd distracted me with his charm and plus, there was another problem. "Two of those signals looked exactly the same . . . and why do I need to know how to boom down?"
    So he did them again, like he was either deaf or the master of air kung fu.  "Did you see the difference that time?" he asked, pulling to a stop near a stretch of garbage.
    I absolutely did not, but I wasn't going to sound like an idiot.  "Well . . . yes.  Of course . . . I saw the difference."
    So Cade jumped out and I scooted in the driver's seat.  I sat there--it was epic.  Maybe if I did a good enough job, he'd say some great words about me and I'd finally accomplish my dreams . . . after years of sitting on my butt, writing, I'd finally become a construction gal.
    Cade motioned to me.  He looked so tiny and cute in the side mirror.  He'd pushed a button and lifted the dump section of the truck so garbage was about to slide out.
    He gave me a signal, so I pulled forward and hoped I'd done the right thing.
    I looked at him, completely worried.  Would he be proud?  Things moved in slow motion as I waited for his reaction, then reminding me of the ending in "The Mighty Ducks" or one of those sappy movies, Cade gave me a thumbs up.  
    Has anyone ever given you a thumbs up?  Well, let me tell you, it was better than drinking a slurpee in July!  Plus, I just knew, we might have some alone time later that night. But then he gave me another signal and that's when things went awry.  
    Did that mean stop or go?  Backward or forward?  To turn . . . or not to turn?  This is what it looked like:
    I went into reverse, 'cause that sounded right.  (Little did I know, the signal OF DOOM meant 'stop engine.')
    At that point, Cade starting doing all of the signals at once.  What in the heck did that mean?!


    I gawked at him.  Who would have known; he could have been a cheerleader!
    I watched as the dump lifted higher.  I stopped because I heard Cade cussing even over the sound of the truck.  "What the Hell?" he screamed.  "What the Hell!"
    I put it in park, turned the thing off and jumped from the truck.
    Cade gave me "the eye" as he stepped back, and his sandals sunk into something that didn't look edible.  His feet appeared stuck and that's when it happened.  The garbage in the extended truck-bed started to descend.  I knew Cade wanted to move, but his feet were glued to the filth beneath him.
    "Get out of there," I screamed because in life, hand signals are NOT the answer.
    He tried to move again, but barely got out of the way.  A bunch of garbage  landed in front of him.  A poof of nastiness went up in his face.
    "Ahhh," he screamed.  "Ahhhh!  When I tell you to go cut the engine . . . you cut the engine."
    "I DID cut the engine!"
    "After you poured garbage ALL over me!"
    He was so dirty, but still pretty dang sexy.  And that voice, he has a nice, strong voice.
    "So, this doesn't mean you'll ask the boss to hire me?"
    He just glared at me and stomped closer.
    "Do I still get a slurpee?"
    He looked at all the trash that had almost buried him, then stood like a peacock, one who might attack.
    "Do we still get alone time tonight?"
    He tried to be stern, but smiled then, this crazy smile that he gave me the time he proposed.  "Fine, you can get a slurpee.  And as far as tonight goes, we'll just have to wait and see."
    "So, you practically said yes to everything else . . . maybe you'll hire me too?"
    He laughed so hard then, apparently seeing the humor in the moment.  "No, you're better at blogging."
    He hugged me and laughed even harder.  "There," he kissed my cheek, "now we both stink."

    Has anyone ever confused you with mixed messages?  How did your story end?


  1. Cade almost had himself on the show "burried alive," and it would have been in garbage! Oh, how gross! Maybe he should have briefed you on your hand signals a little longer before allowing you to operate the truck...

  2. God my ocd would have been in overdrive there. Remind me if I ever see you coming in a dump truck to go the other way..haha

  3. Thanks for the Monday morning giggle!

  4. uh people confuse me with their mixed signals all the time. They say they want advice then don't want it. They leave the toilet seat up in the dark then when i fall in the water and ask why they wanted me to have a butt flush they swear that's not what the plan was.
    I'm either dense or people need to say and do what they mean. lol

  5. There was this one time I asked a girl out in high school. She said yes, and I was thrilled. The next day, I walked into a grocery store. Unbeknownst to me, she worked there. I said hi as I walked by her check out lane. I was almost to my car when she called my name, and told me she didn't want to go out the next night. I still don't know WTF that was about. It just stands out because it was so weird.

  6. That's really funny. Mu hubby would have been furious :)

  7. Dear Elisa,
    The thing is that signals--to me at least--look different when viewed through a mirror. (I think the mirror is the reason I can't parallel park!)
    That's surely the reason for the mix-up, it can't be because you didn't pay attention!

    As to mixed up signals. That happened to me when I took driving lessons at age 36. The Teach-Them-To-Drive company failed me and told me never to come back. I ended up taking lessons from a friend who had more patience with my ineptitude than the company rep did!


  8. I can't think of any mixed message signals that have happened to me but I sure liked reading about yours! I used to love going to the dump with my dad. We would get Pepsi and sometimes go grouse hunting afterwards.

  9. Wow, great story (since it had a happy ending)! I would have messed up, too. Actually, I don't think I would have even tried driving that dump truck. I never learned to drive a stick shift, so you've got guts! I remember slurpees. Yummy.

  10. I loved this story because it sounds like me and my beloved trying to communicate...LOL Why do think I can't get a damn backrub? That tears it, I'm burying him in trash until he listens to my requests. You guys remind me of us sooo much....Lord help you..:)

  11. This story had my smiling and laughing! Loved it. I could picture it all so well. I am glad you were able to charm Cade in the end and he didn't get too mad. :)

    Sometimes it is so confusing when someone is trying to teach you to do something new- with hand signals or fancy vocabulary. It reminds me of when my dad taught me to drive standard. What a nightmare! He told me about how I had to get the piston into the ? (I forgot the word) and how I had to do everything just right or the car wouldn't shift gear. I had a lot of stalling and bucking until a friend told me to try to get the clutch and the gas pedals to the same level. Off I drove! Never had a problem again- it was just the way it was explained to me the first time.

    Thanks for sharing this fun story!

  12. Mixed messages: How about -- I love you. I want a divorce.

    I think you ARE a construction worker and you knew exactly what you were doing, you naughty wench.


  13. That was too funny. I love your stories!

  14. This one totally cracked me up. I laughed out loud at "Do I still get a slurpee?" :)

  15. Yes...I almost drove over Khan's head one day with these cheerleading signals. What is this confusing sign language that they're so sure of with one another?
    Well, whatever it is, I surely didn't get it, but he almost did, poor guy.
    Loved the post Elisa. Loved it. :D

  16. When my husband "explains" something to me & I understand each individual word but have no idea of what he's trying to tell me, he will explain again--using the SAME words but speaking slower & enunciating more precisely.
    It drives me up the wall. Why can't they ever realize that they are not explaining it well?

  17. Oh, this cracked me up. Where did you get those illustrations? They are hilarious! My husband and I do a lot of projects together, and we've even had dump truck ones, but your husband is so nice! Mine stays mad at me for hours when I don't get the signals right;)

  18. cute as ever....
    mixed messages... nope, never... never had that,... in fact what exactly do you mean by that????


    fun, fun, fun post!

  19. I took sign language in high school and although I've never had mixed messages with the signs, I still know what you mean. There are many signs that are similar to one another and even are the same; the context and body language and facial expressions indicate the actual meaning. Really confusing sometimes.