Let's talk about my friend, "Pacha." I wrote about her awhile ago. I called her Pacha because that name sounds very sassy--like someone who wears big boots AND knows how to make soup.
If you haven't read that post, you might want to since it's short and will tell you everything concerning Pacha and her small boobs.
To Implant or not To Implant
The thing is that . . . now get ready for a shocker . . . I. AM. Pacha. I know you're all completely *stunned* with this revelation. I'll give you a minute to recuperate, by showing you this lovely picture:
Why didn't she use a Jack?
Oh that's right, the Wizard of Oz gave her boobs instead of a brain.
I seriously wanted implants when I wrote that post in April. People's comments meant so much to me though; I decided maybe I shouldn't get them. In all honesty--I still battled with what to do. I know implants aren't the right answer and that those Chinese electrocution devices really just make your nipples fall off--then you'll end up with small, nipple-less boobs like a circus performer.
But I miss the bounce in my step (for when I breastfed). I miss when the birds would chirp 'cause they knew I had boobs. I really missed all of that until yesterday happened.
I always go to the same store to get pictures developed. I think everyone goes to the same store in this lump of a town. The photo developer has greedy little eyes, a small head and a big body.
I have a problem with him because once, three years ago, he developed pictures of me in a swimming suit. I looked terrible if you want to know the truth. I'd just had a baby. We had friends in town and when we went up to the lake, pictures were a must.
Anyway, "Barney," the old developer, apparently loved those pictures of me--he likes rolls with his white meat.
I got there and he kept saying, "So . . . you had a great time at the lake? You really looked . . . I mean the place really looked great."
He is one of those yucky men who wants to have an affair--anywhere. Well, every time I've gone in since, he glances at my boobs like I'm still breastfeeding (or beastfeeding--fishducky . . . that was for you).
Well I went in yesterday and you want to know what that creep asked me? He said, "Are you still eating, or did you just get a reduction?"
In what state OF MIND is it okay to ask a woman something that personal! I AM NOT a stripper. I AM NOT a bimbo. I don't even wear tank tops or shorts (except that one time I mowed the lawn). I know I present myself to look differently on my blog, but in real life, I don't smoke. I actually inhaled that stogie on accident in that picture--big 'no no'; God did that to me. I wear very concealing things. Not like there's something to conceal other than my gun.
I want to look tough, but I'm the most approachable wisp of a person ever. I even plucked my eyebrows to give myself that mysterious "don't-ask-me-to-watch-your-children" look, but it didn't work. Plucking my eyebrows made me look even more religious and innocent. More approachable! What's a girl to do . . .
So, back to the developer--how could he think it would be okay to talk like that? Just because he sees everyone's private pictures and personal business, that doesn't make him God. God is MUCH better looking!
I would have told the manager, but he IS the manager. I would have told the owner, but I think he IS the owner. I'm just never going there again.
Oh and while we're at it, you wanna know what I said in reply?
I couldn't even be spicy like I normally am lately. Instead I was all sorts of weird because that man saw me in a swimming suit!
My knees knocked together like I needed to pee. My breath got all death-like. Then I grew quiet and said, "I love eating, and no reduction here. I just lost a bunch of weight." I ducked my head down like a turtle and practically shriveled as I left the store.
So, I guess I shouldn't get boobs because I'll have creeps like that asking if they're implants.
That man is just yucky on so many levels.
Do some people have no shame?
Sounds like he's quite the pervert, he made sure he has the perfect set up, gets to look at everyones pics. Time to upgrade to digital..haha.
ReplyDeleteSome people just don't have that little voice that tells them to shut their trap and not say something out of line, creep indeed.
Worst. Pickup. Line. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't around for post about to implant or not to implant so here's my two cents about it now:
ReplyDeleteBeing a naturally well endowed woman, I would not encourage any members of the itty bitty titty committee to 'upgrade' what God gave them! They don't understand the issues that come with big boobs like never being able to buy a button up shirt again (or most clothing since it all seems made for size B's and under!), having permanent dents in your shoulders from the weight held up by your bra straps, waking up in the night with your arms asleep because when you sleep on your side, your boobs cut your circulation and feeling like the headless horsewoman since apparently there is nothing to you above the neck!
You think your film developer was bad (and yes, he was really creepy sounding), then you would not like the rest of the toothless, hairless, drooling and sheer nasty freaks that come within your breasts gravitational pull. I'm glad you have come to this realization too but I had to share my thoughts ;)
This old guy who took tickets at the dollar theatre in college used to always say, "My, you sure are perculating today!" to every girl that walked by...trust me when I say his eyes were not looking at the tickets. Yuck, and funny...and I can still hear his voice (he said it all the time)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely do not go back to that developer (unless you have Cade with you). He's way creepy and very out of line.
You should go in one last time with a roll of film entirely made up of pictures of assorted stuff: a whip, a can of whipped cream, a ball gag, and on, except the last shot should just be a picture of a middle finger with "F U CREEPER" written on the back of the hand. You drop them off quietly and when he's not looking, and use a fake name and address without drawing attention to the fact that it's a fake name and address (I guess I'm saying don't drop them off under "John Smith at 123 Main Street). Then, of course, you don't go pick them up.
ReplyDeleteTotal . . . creep-o--I agree.
ReplyDeleteI sure appreciate all of your comments and advice :)
Joshua,
That would be hilarious. I could even photoshop him into some of the pictures. The other day I got an ad with his face on it LOL!
I am more of a butt man myself.
ReplyDeleteUgh...so gross! I feel your pain with the whole "boobs not being the same after kids" thing. It definitely gives them a one-two punch. Then again, my stomach got it too. My belly looks like it's always frowning...LOL Don't get implants. You're super duper tiny and don't even look like you've had one kid, let alone four...:)I'm just afraid you'd fall over, or, as Padded Cell pointed out, you may cut off your circulation and not be able to blog. And then where would we be?
ReplyDeleteDO what is right for you and only you. Taking suggestions from people who live or don't live in your body and with your mindset is a disaster. Only you will know what is best for you.
ReplyDeleteOn a less serious note, great post as always :-)
I laughed at your "beasts" comment, but be careful what you wish for!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely adored my grandmother, who lived with us when I was little. One day, when I was about 2 or 3, we were taking a bath together. Out of pure love & admiration I said, "When I grow up, I wish I could have BEASTS that hang down to my knees, like you do." 'NUFF SAID!!
I just thought of a poem which I wrote a few years ago--ODE TO BEING 73. I think I sent it to you, Elisa. A couple of appropriate lines from it:
ReplyDeleteMy breasts were perky as a song,
My bra size now is 40 long.
I have a guy at work who has no filter. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteSomedays I have to rein him back to reality. :)
In honesty, having boobs isn't always a blessing either. I fluxuate between a 3D and 4D cup size. On a 38 inch frame. Yes, it looks balanced becasue I'm a bit heavier on the bottom now, but when I lose weight I have an extremely difficult time with my lower back and sleeping, since I don't lose any weight from the top.
And let's not discuss going for a run. Really. Let's just not go there.
Wanna hear something weird? I'm a plus-sized girl, so of course, despite having never had kids, my boobs are big (and real. I will definitely be offended if the day comes when a woman in the locker room at the gym asks me where I got my boobs done. Fortunately, hasn't happened). The weird thing is that I have yet to see a guy (creepy and perverted like your photo developer or not) stare at my boobs. And I've worn v-neck shirts that show a little cleavage from time to time. No idea why, though, unless guys and creepers can sense my shyness from miles away and decide not to waste their time looking at me. Although between this and SVU, I'm not sure I WANT creepers staring at my chest!
ReplyDeleteI have boobs. You don't want them. It's that simple.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
Ahhhh, the grass is always greener! I have always been a chesty one, then I had my son and I thought they would explode. While losing the weight, the girls stayed the same. I have to go to lane bryant for bras which is not cheap. I wish I could buy cute cheap bras at target. And cleavage on a chick with big DDd, just looks likes an ass on her chest. I dread running and dont run for fear of losing consciousness.
ReplyDeleteIt's quite sad. But to each their own. If it's what you want, do it. But be sure and do it for you and no one else.
Dear Elisa, I know, as woman who tries to live independently and speak up for herself, that the important thing to do is to put this man in his place--wherever that is!
ReplyDeleteBut if you can't come up with a line that will wither his timbers, then I suggest as Stephanie did, that Cade go with you (if you ever had film developed there again). Some men truly believe that women don't mean what they say. So having a man who flexes his muscles may speak loud and clear to this inappropriate behavior.
Don't let this voyageur mess with your mind.
Peace.
elisa u need to stay the way u are.
ReplyDeletenice revelation u were pacha. i dint c tat one coming.
and about the pervert, if thats the way he talks to u, just imagine what he'd do if he's face to face with pamela anderson?!?!?!
u need to get back for this...
Yucko! Perve. I would definitely be finding another place to develop my pictures. And as for the boobs, believe me, no one in the world can be smaller than me. And I don't think I could do it. I think they would just get in the way after 41 years of not having them!
ReplyDeleteYou are perfect the way you are!