Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bathtub of Doom!

    Would you like to know what happens when you have a mother with the flu, a father who's watching three rambunctious babies (puppy included), and two older girls who are playing alone--quieter than they should be?  Well, I'm going to tell you!

    I heard the bath water running shortly after the girls got home from school.  They talked about tadpoles and puppies; joy laced their voices.  Normally I would have wondered what was going on with the bathwater, but I had a fever, and just then I couldn't stop hugging the toilet in the other room.  
    So, I put a wet washcloth on the back of my neck and rested in bed again.  I did wonder how Cade was doing though.  I kept hearing wild noises from the basement.  It sounded like some tribal tradition where two babies and a dog decide to sacrifice their father at the stake.  I pictured poor Cade, tied up and vulnerable because of cute hooligans.
   My ears perked completely, but as I listened, I no longer heard The Scribe or The Hippie in the mix.  
    That had to be bad news.
    I grabbed a garbage can and sneaked from the room.  My bathrobe stayed tight around my neck as I rounded a corner to the other bathroom.  
    When I opened the door, The Scribe and The Hippie ran past, leaving me alone in a bathroom which smelled like pond water.
    I had an inkling of what happened then.   
    Do you remember the day before this--how we caught tadpoles and then bought a dog?  Well, the tadpoles had been forgotten amongst the other excitements.  At least I thought they'd been forgotten.

    I inched closer to the bath curtain which usually isn't closed.  I shook as my pale hand tugged at the fabric--that's when I screamed.  Six tadpoles swam in the bathtub water.  
    "Scribe!  Hippie!" I yelled.
    "What?  What's wrong?" Cade came in first.  
    I pointed to the bathtub and our new puppy smiled happily by our feet.  Dogs must love tadpoles! 
    Anyway, the babies came in after that.  They clapped, cheered and cooed.
    "Look.  Look, Mama," The Zombie Elf said. 
    I shook my head.  "Hippie!  Scribe!"
    My girls sauntered closer.  "What were you thinking?" I asked, then turned to the jury of babies next to me, since we'd all crowded into the bathroom.  But that jury was far too empathetic.  They would have let any convict skate free!
    "We didn't have a five gallon bucket," The Scribe said.  "What were we supposed to do?"
    "But you would have said 'no'."
    I held my breath.  My eyes turned to lasers.
    "We'll get them out," The Hippie said quickly, saving the day.
    I looked at the jury.  "What do you think?" I asked The Zombie Elf.
    "Pull the plug?" he asked.
    "No, that's mean."  I turned to Doctor Jones, the ultimate authority.  "Should we catch them?"
    Then that Buddha baby, that little Goddess nodded in agreement.  The time had come for us to get the tadpoles out.
    So, Cade took Doctor Jones and the puppy from the room.  The Zombie Elf (my three-year-old), The Scribe, The Hippie and I stayed to hunt tadpoles . . . again.
    Have you ever hunted tadpoles in your very own bathroom?  It's quite the feeling, really.  I had to leave a couple times since my food kept flying round trip.  Would it hurt the stuff to stay at its original destination FOR TWO SECONDS?
    When I came back into the bathroom the girls were really struggling to catch the last two tadpoles. The Zombie Elf stood on the toilet and screamed, "Yes. Yes! YES!"  That kid will make one heck of a superintendent.   
    My girls had put the other tadpoles in a big jar.  They beamed triumphantly after catching the last two.
    We cheered and clapped.  My face didn't even seem as pale as it had before.  
    "So what are we going to do with the tadpoles?" The Scribe asked.  "Set them free in the pond?"
    We turned to look at the jar, but instead of seeing tadpoles swimming happily, we saw The Zombie Elf.  
    He sat on the counter by the sink.  His chubby hand held an empty jar.  He simply chuckled, but my heart fell.

    Six tadpoles died that day.  Six valiant tadpoles who went from a pond to a jar, from a jar to a tub, and then from a jar to a sink (in case you needed a play-by-play).
    The Zombie Elf set the jar down and clapped.

    I got nauseous again--it was all too much.  So, I trudged back into my room, shut the door and went to sleep. 
    Too bad I kept dreaming about frogs.


  1. As punishment, you should have him make six little tombstones that will be placed by the sink for a set period of time and every time he sees them, he has to pretend to mourn for them!

  2. LOL...that sounds like something a three-year-old would do. At first I thought you were going to say he ate them or something...hahaha Why is it that mothers are expected to remedy the situation when their on their death bed? When I'm sick, I'm still supposed to run the house. If I die, this whole place is going down in a fiery mess...

  3. Padded, you don't know this kid. He could seriously be an actor. It wouldn't be a punishment it would be a delight. lol
    Paige I know that feeling.
    Elisa I hope you are feeling better today and the tadpoles don't turn into radioactive monsters that come back out of your sink or toilet to bite you backside. Now if that happens call me because I'll be right over to laugh.

  4. I can tell I'm in for some exciting times over here. Question is, how do you keep up with all the excitement? I lift my hat to you. :) Get well soon.

  5. I'm just glad you didn't say he ate the six tadpoles.

    And here I was wondering if I should eat lunch today. Solved that problem. Not hungry just thinking that thought.

  6. LOL! you kids are simply adoreable.

    I grew up at the country side. and we had a pond filled with tadpoles. I still remember catching them and playing with them. But now I don't like them. I don't like any slimy creature :D

  7. Snort guffaw especially as I am in France and surrounded by Frogs! Ha!

  8. hahaha just wanted to give them some room to roam

  9. The Zombie Elf is probably going to grow up and be a park ranger. He'll help campers and people who fish and trail walkers. And if anyone strays from the rules--we all know what the Zombie Elf will do. Dump them in the park pond.

    Peace and do take care of yourself, Elisa. I hope you are feeling better by now.

  10. Thats hilarious, your house sounds likea fun place to live, hope your feeling better soon

  11. Okay, please explain to me how you can be so sick & still write such a FUNNY post? You--& your family--are AMAZING!!

  12. This really could be a comic strip storyline, except for the sick mom part!

    Sadie via vB

  13. Two words... Wonder woman =P

  14. Found you on vb sorry about the tadpoles were Scribe and Hippie upset? Something about the age of 3 and boy mixed together. I hope you are feeling well again very soon!

  15. This is so tragic and funny, my emotions are doing a rollercoaster of WHAT SHOULD I FEEL?! I feel a laugh bubbling at my throat but a tear swelling at my eye...
    Loved it, thank you so much for the smiles/frowns/FEELINGS!. I hope you're feeling better!

  16. I Guess It's Useless To Get Upset At Your Kids. Anna

  17. Never a dull moment at your house uh? I agree with Cade, you need a cape and you can be Wonder Woman...

  18. LOL, at least you didn't throw up in the bathtub before fishing out those tadpoles :)

  19. Wow catching tadpoles in a tub sounds awesome. Maybe next time I wanna go fishing I should try my own tub instead of driving hours to the closest lake.

  20. I have a pond in my backyard as well and way too often various creatures wind up in my house. I can easily picture all of this happening! Too funny...

  21. I thought you were going to say he ate the frogs! :)