Saturday, August 13, 2011

Working Construction with Cade!

Do you remember this post? 

Or this video?

    Well . . . Cade and I had a race, and I think it's pretty obvious who cheated.  So, I thought and thought, finally went up to him and said, "Fine, if you think you're so good, then I want to go to work with you for a day.  I'll show you up for sure, then."
    "Oh, Babe," he said.  "It's construction.  You're a twig, you'll never make it."
    My fists balled.  My face blanched!  "I'll work circles around you!" I said.  "And if I do a good job, then you owe me dinner, a back rub, and maybe even one of those waves you keep giving the neighbors!" (If you don't know what wave really means, please click here: Miss Priss and "The Wave")  
    "I've given birth to FIVE of your babies," I said.  "And you don't think I can make it through one day of work?  Maybe I can't swing a sledge hammer like a big guy can, but I'm smart and I'll figure out a way to get the job done anyway!"   
    "Okay."  He laughed, a silly, I'm-patronizing-my-cute-little-wife laugh.  "Get a sitter and we'll go Friday."
    That's exactly what I did.  I got a sitter--one who'd trade sitting for piano lessons--and prepared to prove that man wrong!
    Now, before I go on, I'd like to tell you something.  Sometimes when you get married it's good to tell your spouse every little thing about yourself.  And other times, you really shouldn't.  I'm not condoning secrets UNLESS they can help you show your man up when you've had five kids, been married ten years, and he needs the sweet taste of reality.  
    The point is that my dad has always owned heavy equipment.  I learned how to run a bobcat when I was ten.  He put me in a backhoe not long after that.  My sweet father would pay me to clean up the two acres we owned.  I'd move dirt, flatten it, smell like Pig Pen and smile.

    With that in mind, this is what Cade does for a living:

    Friday morning came around.  I put on some thick pants, a plaid shirt (so I'd fit into the construction world), but then I added a hint of femininity.  If I was working construction, to show those people up, I needed to do it right.  I did my makeup perfectly.  I wore perfume.  I BRUSHED MY TEETH!
    "I wouldn't do that if I were you," Cade said about my makeup.  "You'll be sweating so much.  I won't feel bad when that makeup's running all over your face."
    "Ha!  It's water proof," I cackled.  "I'm showing you up already!"
    We drove to the work yard.  "You're really serious about this?  Aren't you?" he said.
    "You bet I am.  I'll work as hard as anyone else."
    "Fine," he said.  "But when I'm at work, I'm nobody's friend.  I'm the boss."  He stomped from the truck and dust swirled around him.
    A few of the guys looked over.  "You brought your wife?" they asked.
    "Yeah, but for today she's just a newbie.  Treat her like anyone else."
    So, the day began.  Sure I sweat, sure it was hard, but I smiled and laughed.  
    One of the guys came up to me after a while.  "You smell awful nice, Ma'am."
    Had he just called me ma'am?  That's normally a "no no," but he'd been so nice during the day, instead of giving a crusty face, I waved.  Cade caught the motion and rolled his eyes.  We all know what a simple wave can lead to! 
    So, we worked, using the forklift, hauling cages.  Cade kept saying things like, "If you need to take a break, you can," or, "if it's too hot for you, just say so" or "now do you understand why I can't talk on the phone while I'm running equipment?"
    I just smiled.  I wouldn't complain, NOT ONCE!  He had me try to pull a massive pin out of the equipment after that.  I tugged and tugged.  My puny arms wouldn't do it, but that's when I remembered the crowbar in Cade's truck.  I grabbed it, knew I could get the pin out, but sadly I just loosened it for Cade because he grabbed the bar, and pulled the pin out right after I tried.  I glared at him, and everyone laughed!   
    After of few hours of sweating, working, laughing, "Readjusting" (by the guys NOT me), most of us were at a standstill.  So, some of the guys came over and talked to me.  
    "Normally guys say it's bad luck having a woman at work, but I think it makes it more bearable.  You're so damn--darn--happy.  It's sort of contagious.  Sorry for my French, Ma'am.  No offense."
    "None taken."
    So, as Cade ran equipment, like I said, the rest of us were at a stand still.  I asked how they've been and I don't know how it happened, but before I knew it, they were telling me about their love lives.
    "I got in a car accident," one guy said.  "I think the girl was hitting on me.  She was beautiful, and I have her number from the insurance information.  She looked at me like this."  He pulled a puppy-dog face.  All the other guys around snorted with laughter.  "Do you think she was hitting on me, or not?"
    "Absolutely, you should call her and ask her out," I said.
    Another guy huffed.  "You know, the only reason she looked at you like that is because she thought it would be a great story to tell your children.  Dames are like that.  They reel ya in nice and slow, then they'll choke you to death for the rest of your life!"
    I suddenly felt like I visited with the seven dwarfs--and that guy was Grumpy! 
    "Call her," I said.  "Do it for the children."
    "For the children!" a couple guy yelled and laughed so hard.            
    Grumpy just shook his head and grunted.
    That's when Cade "Boss Man" Hirsch came over.  You would have thought someone just died.   "Get back to work," he yelled.  "I heard the last of that.  I bring a girl here for a few hours and the rest of you turn into a bunch of pansies."
     "But she's giving us advice."
     Cade just glared.
     So, the day continued.  I did good enough, Cade bought me a fancy dinner.    
    "I'm proud of you," he said after a minute.  "I know it was hard, but you didn't complain once.  And the day went great, except for that one time."
    "When I turned into Dr. Laura, the love specialist?"
    "No," he laughed.  "I was talking about when you waved 'goodbye' to all the guys."
    "Me?  I saw you Wave a couple times too, when you weren't Readjusting." 
    "Nice one!" He laughed.
    Anyway, I had a ball.  I have new respect for Cade and I think he gained some for me as well.  Have you ever gone to work with your husband?