Monday, August 1, 2011

Pirate or Ninja (Keywords of the Week)

    I'm not good with "plans" but I've decided that every week (sometime--maybe Mondays if I remember) I'll showcase search keywords of the week.
    Today I'd like to focus on this picture:


    Although a couple of these searches do seem (let me phrase this nicely) ODD, I want to focus on the "Who would win a battle between a ninja and a pirate?"

    I asked my brother this once--my awesome brother who made me so tough I went through natural, DRUG FREE labors without screaming once!   

    "Who would win a battle between a ninja and a pirate?" I asked.
    "Huh?" he said.  "What the hell is this ongoing infatuation you have with pirates? If you claim to have played pirates when you were little, or write another novel involving pirates, I’m going to open up a can of literary whoop-ass on you. I was there for your youth. THERE WERE NO PIRATES and they’ve been beat to death. Take my advice, leave the pirates be. Arrrgh."
    But I can't take his advice because the public wants to know.  Some hero or goddess out there searched about pirates.

    So, who would win between a pirate and a ninja?  That's VERY obvious.  Let me give you a clue (the person with a gun)!

    Imagine Jack Sparrow fighting any ninja alive.  Can a ninja captain a boat even as it's sinking toward a dock?  Can a ninja escape from the Kraken?  Can a ninja almost win the heart of Keira Knightley?
    Enough said.
    Now, to make a long story even longer, I've written something (for my brother):

       “A stowaway,” Gweets yelled in his scurvy, pirate voice.  His crew gathered around.  They had missing limbs, scars, tattoos and tobacco.  The whole site made Shane (the stowaway with the same name as my brother) grin with excitement.    
    “We'll only let you live on one condition,” Gweets said.
    “Like what, Mate?” ten-year-old Shane asked, living in the moment.
    “That you can pass a test—the test of a true pirate. The two of us leaders will each ask you a question, but if you answer wrong, the sharks'll get you.”
    Shane tried hiding his amusement, but another grin slid across his face anyway. “I know that's a test I can pass.”
    “We'll schee,” Lucky said. His only eye darted to the side, and he looked like a hungry coyote. “Whatsh five timesh two point sheven five, divided by two point sheven five?" He licked his lip, and his only arm swung happily.
    Shane thought for a minute. "Five?"
    “There'sh no way. He'sh part Gweets, part genius! He'sh right. He'sh scho right,” Lucky said.
    “Now the hardest question of all,” Gweets said. “How many knots are supposed to be tied in a hangman's noose?”
    “If you wantsh to kill 'em fasht or shlow?” Lucky asked.
    “I wasn't asking you,” Gweets said, and turned to Shane. “How many, boy?”
    Lucky put his hand to the side of his mouth and whispered, “Two, I likesh to shee 'em shquirm.”
    Shane didn't know the answer. He'd never studied hangmen; he'd only become an expert when it came to pirates. He pondered the question, trying to find a way around it. Then his eyebrows lifted, and he said, “No one ties a knot in the hangman's noose. After all, no one hangs the hangman?” He cocked his head, hoping he was right.
    “Very clever,” Gweets said. “Clever indeed. I guess we'll let you pass this time.”
    Shane nodded, but when everyone smiled he felt a streak of rebellion. “I wouldn't of cared if you scurvy barnacles did throw me overboard. I can breathe in water. I'm real strong. I ain't scared of sharks, and I definitely ain't scared of no jelly fish.”
    “You would be, if you could shee the one that took me eye,” Lucky said.
    “Was it a big one?” Shane asked. 
    "The fish or the eye?" Lucky said and Shane laughed.  Of course he'd been talking about the fish!


    And that's how Shane's adventures began.  Doesn't he look good as a pirate!