Monday, August 22, 2011

The Girl Fix

    I asked The Hippie (my seven-year-old) if she'd like to have a sleepover on my bedroom floor.  "It's your turn." I smiled.
    "A sleepover with you and Daddy?" she asked.  "The Scribe got a turn last night.  I thought you'd never ask me."
    "Of course we would.  So, will you have a sleepover?  Daddy and I will let you stay up later than the other kids.  You can watch a movie with us and have popcorn."
    She giggled, so completely happy. "A princess movie.  A Barbie movie?"
    I knew Cade would hate me, but I nodded anyway.  "Sure, Daddy loves those . . . Barbie movies."
     Anyway, everything seemed right with the world until later that day, when she'd locked herself in my room.
    "What are you doing?" I asked, knocking.
    "I'm fixing up your room.  If I'm moving in, I better make a few changes."
    Moving in?  I worried, until she came out and my fears were confirmed.  I've decided I hate locked doors.  I hate it when children are so deathly quiet you know they're doing something terrible!
    My room, CADE'S ROOM looked like a fairy princess had come to do her magic and then exploded.  Stuffed animals rested everywhere.  All of my writing things and books WERE HIDDEN.  All of Cade's favorite guy things WERE GONE!
    You ask a girl to have one sleepover--ONE--and all hell breaks loose.

    "Why did you put all those girly blankets and stuffed animals on my bed?  I asked you if you'd like to have a sleepover on the floor."
    "But the floor, doesn't look as nice as the bed.  So, I set up your stuff right there."  I looked.  My nice comforter, the beautiful one I'd gotten for my birthday, rested where she'd made my bed ON THE GROUND!  I knew Cade would not be pleased.

      Now, before I go on with this gem of a story, let me take a detour.  What is the deal with girls who barely date a guy, and then think they're moving in with them?  Let me explain:
    One of Cade's best friends, let's call him "Big T.," keeps dating psychos.  Just last month, he dated a girl for two weeks.  After those two weeks went well, he had to go out of town, so he asked if she could check on his house for the next week while he was away.
    When Big T. came home, the girl had practically moved in.  She'd brought her two cats to live there.  She'd redecorated the bathroom.  She'd done up the kitchen and put fluffy pillows on the bed. 

    I remember seeing a scene like that on "How to lose a Guy in 10 Days;" I just never thought people like that actually existed.
    Poor Big T flipped out.  He's allergic to cats and they'd peed everywhere.  He'd just wanted her to make sure his house was okay a couple times, not move in from her parents' house. 
    What is the deal with these women?  Are they trying to strike while the iron is hot?  Maim while the poor guy can't get away?  What happened to playing hard to get.  That's way better than acting like a freak woman.

    So, back to my story about The Hippie.  She did end up telling us where all of our things were.  She'd hid Cade's paintball gun in her room.  She'd put my books under my bed.
    We moved all her things back into her bedroom and set-up her bed on the floor.
    After we ate popcorn and watched a Barbie movie, Cade asked The Hippie, "Why did you decorate it so nice though?  You should do that to your own room."
    "Are you kidding?" she said.  "I share a room with The Zombie Elf.  He hates all that girly stuff.  That's why I've decorated our room with cars."
    Kids are hilarious!

    So why do you think women do that to men anyway?