Hilarious Interview with Melynda's Daughter

    So, one of my most popular posts of all time is:

How to Have an Ugly Baby  

    I wrote about a conversation I had with Melynda's daughter,  Meaghan. She told me that two ugly people, or two cute people, will always make an ugly baby.  To have a cute baby you must have one cute parent and one ugly one.  Anyway, that blog went so well, I decided to bring Meaghan back for an interview.  (I'm green, she's purple.) Here it is:

What are your views on ugly babies?

    I think there need to be ugly babies in the world, so we can have cute babies.  However, some babies are so ugly (like old men) that it makes them cute anyway.  Once I saw a baby with Dumbo ears; I felt bad for that child.

What are your views on the lollipop guild?

    The what?  I have no idea what that is, but they sound dangerous.

So, I showed her this picture:

    "Oh," she said, "the midgets from The Wizard of Oz.  They're as dangerous as I thought--a threat to all mankind!"

What do you think about teen pregnancy?

    I have a lot of things to say about teen pregnancy.  I don't approve, but if you're a teen and you're already pregnant, I'll be all right with you.  But if you're doing "it" just because you want a child, I don't approve.

How do you feel about food fights? 

    I've never been "ina" food fight.  Wait, I lied, I have been in a food fight.  My step-dad licked gummy bears and threw them at me because he wanted to see if they'd stick to my face.
    I love gummy bears.

Hmmm . . . so, what do you think of this picture?

    What is going on with that picture?  Why does the white one have boobs, and why is the other one a super hero?  His power definitely isn't flying.  Where did you find that picture anyway?

    I know you like gummy bears, so I googled "gummy death."

    "Gummy Death," sounds like a death metal band, I'd be in that band and play the keyboard.  'Cause keyboarders are hot, so that fits.

If you could use one word for this, what would it be?

    Okay, where are you finding all of these?  I don't have just one word for that.

But if you did . . . have just ONE word?

    It would probably be . . . WHAT?

What about this?

    I'm going with more than one word; demon-fox, with four eyes.  And now I feel like I've been in therapy.

What are your views on this?

    I want it; it's Domo!  

What's Domo?

    A weird Japanese thing that hatched out of an egg.  If you're gonna hatch from an egg, it might as well be in Japan.  Everything weird happens in Japan.  They have diet water AND meat flavored water.
So, it's like top ramen in a bottle?
   Yeah, I think they even have diet, meat flavored water too.
Wow.

Is this attractive . . . to you?

    Most definitely, but no; that man should be arrested and beaten.  I can see his underwear through his shirt.

If he had Johnny Depp's face would you date him?

    Yes, but only if he had Johnny's voice too.  I don't mind skinny, but he looks like a small child, so I would make him work out and then change his clothes.

In that order? 

    Yes, wait . . . clothes first.

This?

    Who would take a picture of their kid doing this?  Wouldn't they be concerned with diseases?  That's bad parenting.

Do you think he got tongue warts?

    I think so.  No one will want to kiss him.  I'm curious if that was a real frog.

Will he help prevent yet another teen pregnancy?

    Yes, tongue warts are a bad thing.

What are your views on this?

     Why would my mother do that?!

Is there anything you'd like to say in closing?

    Ummm, yes. I still love my mother, but I don't think she needs to run people over with a lawn mower because I don't want to bail her out of jail.  And . . . Elisa's children are adoable.  I had fun with this. 

    The End.