Friday, August 19, 2011

Top Ten Torture Devices For Women

Would you rather be tortured with this:

Or One of These:

    I say, "Give me the Iron Maiden!"

    Before continuing, let me tell you that today's post is dedicated to:
Grandma Gertie who said...
 It had to be a man who invented the bra!
fishducky who said...
To GRANDMA GERTIE--It probaly was a man who invented the bra. I KNOW that a man invented the boob squisher--aka mammogram. Can you even imagine a man putting his privates in a torture device like that?

And to
Padded Cell Princess who said...
In response to Grandma Gertie and Fishducky about feminine things that are made my men, how about the Pap Smear?? Can't you just see a couple of male doctors looking at the woman in the stirrups saying, "Well, how are we going to test this area??" "I don't know but let's poke it with a stick!" Thus a medical 'procedure' is born!
Anyway, the three of you got me thinking.  
I decided to find my top ten torture devices for women.  
These products are still used. 
  Here they are in no specific order: 
#1  "Nose Up" 
For those of you who want to   
turn your "Nose Up" at the world.
#2 Waxing . . . seriously, isn't there a better way?
        #3 "The Lip Pumper"     What the heck?  This sounds painful! If you want a big lip, get in a bar fight.     You might get some beer out of the deal too!
#4 Exotic Acne Treatment--you read that right.  
These little guys are guaranteed to   
remove pimples AND moisten your skin-what a deal! 
#5 Top Charming  

#6 Whatever they're doing to her:

#7  Yet another Acne Product.


#8 The "Nose Hair Remover"

#9 The Eyelash Curler
Once my friend used one of these.  
While curling, she went to rest her elbow 
on the counter and missed.  
Needless-to-say, she looked very funny 
with only one set of eyelashes.

And #10
Either Hideous Lingerie
Like this:
  And this:

Or the worst, deadliest torture device
ever known . . . 
small men who are obsessed with tall women.


Do you have anything you'd like to add?


  1. For the ultimate in male-made female torture devices check out this you tube video!

    I have to put my 2 cents in here about the corset. I know you are probably expecting me to say something here, so I will. I love my corset! It has been a self esteem saver after those horrible baby blues. I will keep it until I have lost the weight I want to. I am not loosing weight for my husband, (Though that is a side effect) I am loosing weight for my own health and to be an example for my children.

    And srsly, the Lucious Lips.... oww

  2. Great post and glad you're speaking for all women that definitely think this is torture. Who thought of this in the first place not to mention who buys this stuff??? Beyond disbelief.
    Glad to connect with you on vB.
    Wishing you a wonderful weekend,
    Español para Niños (Spanish for Kids)


    Oh, & also OWOWOWOWOWOWO!!!!!!!!

  4. I am actually quite a fan of corsets....unless they have push up qualities and then I can suffocate myself if I have the need to look down for any reason! My husband and I love the cat photo about stealing the eyelash curler!! I scared my nephew to death when he was watching me put my makeup on one day. My sis and I played up to him that the eyelash curler was scary and painful and so when I used it, I screamed, 'Ouch!' and the poor kid jumped a mile! He tried talking me out of doing the other eye too! I kinda feel bad still.. Great idea from our comments yesterday! There are so many horrid female devices!

  5. wLOL
    it just depends who likes what
    for some corset can be fun or for some its a pain

  6. How about them 5 inch heels? hmmm? Or the epilady that rips holf your skin off with the hair? I think waxing is the most torturous thing you have on there. As we both know first hand that is not a pleasant experience no matter how drunk you are..

  7. I'm pretty sure all of that boob jiggling is going to lead to less perky boobs, not perky. Isn't that why we need the sports bra?!
    This was great!...thanks:)

  8. Way too many to choose from. Just type "crazy high heel shoes" into Google images and take your pick. I especially liked the swim fin high heels. And the chain links. Go!! Now!

  9. When I was growing up, women wore a kind of girdle made of rubber. Thin rubber. I won't name the brand, but it was really popular. My best friend's mom worked at a department store and she wore one.

    One day she was climbing a ladder to get to the top shoe box--this was our in the open, in front of the customers--and the girdle popped. The rubber just split from crotch to waist and fell onto the step she was standing on.

    The customers gasped. My friend's mom just nonchalantly kicked it aside and said, "I wonder where that came from."

    Thanks for your post today, Elisa. I go with M.R. Cornelius and Craziness Abounds--those high heels give a woman bunions!

    And thanks too for commenting on my blog posting, for suggesting I write a book, and for adding me to your list of favorite blogs. That's pleasing to me, gratifying honor.

  10. I am such a fan. I seriously don't know how you do it. You are one of my idols. I strive to someday be able to post like you...daily and intelligent, great stuff!You are awesome. I am a big fan of you & your writing!!

  11. I'd like to add the eyebrow threading technique.

    You know, where they tie the thread around the individual hair and yank it all out in one good pull?


    And the epilady... remember that one? Painlessly remove all the hair on your legs, just like waxing! Painless, my a$$...

  12. PS--Thanks for the dedication!!!!!!!!!

  13. so true! ;D
    but, about waxing - on eyebrows it works better than plucking them one by one with tweezers. at least for me. ;D

  14. lol! i was doing a search on torturing devices for a similar style post and came across this. classic!!!!

    the things you gals do to yourselves! :)