Thursday, August 4, 2011

Star Trek Saved My Life

    My computer had some serious problems.  I don't know if you remember when I wrote about Howie's Obituary (or H.P. as I like to call him), but he came back from the dead and has caused all sorts of problems again.


Note: This is some other computer (not Howie).
I feel bad for the poor sap who owned this one though--tough break.

    So, I hate it when I have computer problems, not just because it keeps me from blogging, but it means I have to go to the best repair shop in town.  The place is great, really, but the employees make me nervous.
    They are so witty and smart.  They joke about source codes, Microsoft, floppies, Roms.  Can I just tell you that I have NO IDEA what they are saying, and as sad as this is, it sounds gross half of the time.
    One time I went in there and the guy said, "Oh, Dale's back," because he talks about computers like they can hear him.  "I LOVE this guy, his hard drive is amazing!"
    "T-M-S-I-D-K," the other guy said.
    "What does that mean?" I asked, thinking it was some new technology.
    "Tell me something I don't know."  They both chuckled.
    "There are two types of people," the main guy whispered A BIT TOO LOUD, "people who know binary code and those who don't."
    They laughed so hard.  But I didn't think it was funny.  Not at all.
    Do all techs talk like that, his hard drive is amazing . . . vs. what
. . . floppy?  Plus, hearing a straight man talk like that about another "he" just seems odd.  I could go on and on about how I feel like I'm really in a brothel and not a repair shop when I visit the computer tech place, but I'll stop that particular train wreck here.
    Anyway, I hate going in there because I can't stop thinking terrible things as the two guys talk.  Then I giggle and they stare at me like I've lost my memory space.  So, last time, just before I went in, I called one of my best friends, D. S. Tracy (from My Life In Writing).  
    "It gets really awkward in there," I said.  "And I couldn't learn binary code over night."
    "Do you still have my ringer as Star Trek on your phone?" she asked.
    "Well, I'll call you right as you walk in.  Then maybe you can talk to them about Spock instead of who has the best software."  We both laughed.
    "All right.  It's a deal.  I'll walk into that place in less than a minute. You sure you're up for this?" I asked.
    "Yep, talk to you in a sec."
    We hung up and I went into the repair shop/brothel.  You should have heard the language that flew when I told the main guy what problems my computer has.  
    "She brought Dale back," the guy said, grinning at his repair lackey.  "Oh, wow, he's had better days.  Don't worry, lots of old guys like him have problems with their hard drives going soft, losing memory . . .  Heck, some of the young ones do it too, but the higher-ups don't want us telling you that--you'd never commit, to purchasing, in the first place.  But it does affect every little guy at some point or another.  Do you know what I mean, about young ones going soft early on?"  He raised a brow. 
    What the Hell?  Was he messing with me, or just talking computer?
    I couldn't get thoughts of Viagra out of my mind.  I was a sinner!  I'd just gone to get my computer fixed and I decided that guy needed to pop pills!  I'd turned into a judgmental customer--the worst kind--and the laughter was about to set in.  But I didn't want him thinking I'm a perv.  So, I pulled a religious, I'm-a-prude face and nodded.  "I don't know much about computers."  
    "Really?" he asked.
    I prayed my friend would call.  Please call, I nearly burst with amusement, please!  Star Trek could save me from awkwardness, while Viagra and Zyprexa were the two things that could help the computer guy!
    "So, what else is going on with your computer?" he asked, that guy who probably hasn't had a date (with a human) in ten years.
    "I can't seem to access the internet."
    He chortled.  "Ah, I see.  The internet, where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
    I just stared at him.
    "Well," he pointed to his co-worker, "he'll take care of the rest of your order.  He might not be as user friendly as I am, but no one's perfect.  He'll tell you how long it'll be and all that good stuff."
    The Lackey, walked over.  His eyes darted nervously.  He isn't friendly like the other guy and he talks really softly--in letter form (you know with a lot of LOLs and TMIs).  
    "This'll be a . . . This'll take . . ."  I hoped he wouldn't rearrange the alphabet again.  I could take the stuttering, just not the alphabet challenge.
    Where was my phone call?  I felt like an inmate.  Sometimes one call can save your life! 
    Star Trek can lighten even the strangest mood.  If he just heard my ringer, everything would be better.  I even stalled for a moment, hoping the call would come, but it didn't until I was leaving through the door.  The Lackey heard my ringer and shouted before I answered my phone, "Star Trek!  I love Star Trek."
    So, I survived the store.  I even got my computer a few hours later.  Other than the door slamming on me (which it does to everyone even ask Melynda) everything went all right.  When I went back in, they joked about Captain Kirk and Spock.  The atmosphere went from toxic, to vibrant, and it was all because of one call.  It's all because Star Trek saved my life. 

    Have you ever heard of computer lingo going wrong?  Am I nuts, or do you think it can sound bad too?


  1. You are too funny! Those guys sound like total geeks.

  2. Howie came back from the dead? Maybe he became a vamputer, or a compire. You, know --those machines that look like regular computers that suck information instead of blood. A word of warning--NEVER buy a computer made by FRANKENPUTERS, INC!

  3. Fishducky,
    "Sucking information" that's awesome! :0)

  4. Technology is killing me slowly, I just can't keep up. My computer is getting ready to die soon, I just feel it. Do you have any Star Trek leftovers you are willing to share? :)

  5. LOL, omgwtfbbqpwnt! teh 1337s934k roxors! roflrofl. B1n4ry 1s wh3n j00 t41k 1n z3r0s 4nd 0n3s. Th1s 1s 1337s934k. 1t 1s 4 w4y t0 k339 th1n9s 1nt3r3st1n9. <3 ~'~@

  6. When my husband and I were engaged, we stopped by a friend of his' house. This friend had some other friends over that were students at Digipen (the Nintendo college) and the conversations were beyond foreign to me. I may as well have been in a room full of native Russians! They made their weird tech jokes and I tried to not have a complete ignorant look on my face. When we left, I told Branden, "Well, they may be smart, but I bet you they will never see real boobs!"

  7. I laughed through everything here! What a riot! I must download that ringtone. excellent way to start the afternoon.

  8. For those of you who didn't understand what Leetah said, it goes like this. "Laugh out Loud, OhMyGodWhatTheF***BarBeQue Owned! The elite speak rocks! RollOnFloorLaughing RollOnFloorLaughing. Binary is when you talk in zeros and ones. This is leetspeak. It is a way to keep things interesting. Heart Rose"

    Ya... I'm a geek too.

  9. Sometimes, I think Bonus Brother (age 16) has his own special gaming lingo with his friends so they can talk about stuff and we'll never know what's going on.

    And then other times I just worry that he'll always be socially awkward

  10. This made me chuckle - my husband & I own a computer repair business! Now I'm going to have to control a giggle every time I say the words "Hard Drives failing"!

  11. Leetah is a show off!

    All I know is lol, rofl, and granddaughter taught me those.
    I am so in the dark when it comes to technology that it took me months to set up an EBay account.

    By the way. Want a laugh? Check out this gal's current post: kt

  12. Computer lingo is awesome LOL!

    I just checked out that blog--soooo funny :0)

  13. Hysterical. You know that old saw about those that talk about it the most are getting it the least? That is your computer geeks. But you charmed them with Star Trek. Next time you are going to need to bring a Tribble in to impress them.

  14. I bet they are getting it the least LOL! So funny.

  15. Computer problems often require a Computer repair tech expert because a computer system is still susceptible to errors even if you take really good care of it with preventative maintenance as well as avoiding making lots of software changes to the system.