Sunday, August 7, 2011

He called me the "L" word!!!

    I went to "Wally World" (I guess I'll call it that so I won't hurt their reputation more than they've hurt it themselves).  
    You'd think the store is filled with dreams.  You can go shopping, get groceries AND a new dress.  You can buy tires AND popcorn chicken.  I used to love it there--until someone called me the "L" word.

    This picture had me ROLLING!

    So, you might think the "L" word is "loser," "lardo" or "lackey."  (Welcome to the letter of the day.)  But it's NONE of those.  The "L" word is far worse!
    So, I shopped, getting stuff for curry chicken because I like it spicy, when suddenly one of the employees came up to me.  He'd been shelving bread and apparently wanted to say a friendly "hello."
    "You're always smiling," he said.  "You seem like such a nice Lady.
    My self esteem dropped to the ground.  I felt like a once young, lively person who'd died right there in the store.  I turned into an ugly hag because it's the first time I realized . . . I'm getting older.  
    That boy, that bread lovin' offender!  He'd called me the "L" word.  But I wasn't sure, so I used my best, fake smile and asked through my teeth, "What did you just call me?"
     That boy looked scared--like someone had filled his balls with estrogen.  
    "A lady?  You seem like a nice lady," he said, shaking from the power of repetition.
    I left after that.  (I mean I paid for my stuff and then I left.)
    I HATE the word "lady."   So, I called a good friend and told her about it.  "He called me a 'lady,' " I said.
    "Well, what's so bad about that?"
    " 'Lady,' is something you call a ninety-year-old woman.  'Lady' is what you call the sweet, old spinster.  'Lady' is a great name--for a dog."
    "But someone called me a lady the other day."
    "And you should be completely offended," I said, but she wasn't.  Ignorance . . . it must be blissful!  She laughed then, thinking I'm hysterical when I'm just trying to bring knowledge her way. 
    People don't call a teenage girl "a nice lady."  Hell, I could be one-hundred and I'd still be offended about it.  I might look old, but that doesn't mean I'm dead.
    So, as I thought about what a "lady" I must be, I remembered why I started shopping at Wally World in the first place.  If you must know, I go there because a bagger at Smith's (the local grocery store) always hits on me.  
    Now Smith's must be the place to get hit on.  I know four people who've suffered from these same symptoms.  Cade is one of them.  Once he ran into Smith's and when he came out, a girl followed him.  Cade got more than bread from the store that day.  
    He fumbled into the van and said, "Wave, Elisa, wave.  I forgot my wedding ring and she wouldn't believe I'm married."
    I waved then, like I wanted a spark to burst into flame!  I watched as her smile turned upside down and she went back TO SMITH'S to seek a new victim.
    There's something about that grocery store.  It's better than beer; it helps people gleam in the best light possible.  Anyway, I stopped shopping there because I just wanted essentials, not dinner and a movie.
    But now I'm at a crossroads.  Would I rather beat up a bag boy, or shop at a place where they fling offensive words faster than they roll back prices?  
The choice is hard, 
the answers are few,
now I know 
what I must do.

    It's time to confront a bag boy.  I have to pull on my big girl boots!  I knew this day would come.  Every time I run from a problem, it always rushes back to bite me. 
    Plus, who is he to make people quit shopping at a place they like.  I've been missing out on their free "Smith's kid cookies."  Who cares that "love" stirs in the air.  I'm stronger than their craziness.  I'm better than that!
    So, today, I'm bringing my army of children and I'm gonna shop at Smith's if I want to.  People don't use the "L" word there (unless they're referring to "love").  
    Wish me luck, I hope this will go well.  

Is there a word you hate being called?


  1. You know what words I hate being called. lol I love the way you didn't just say my name here. mwahahaha. I get called the L word all the time sweet heart even by elderly gentlemen (they apparently don't know me)and younger people. You have kids which means you have transformed in their eye from that cute girl to that sexy lady. Sorry. It's true. I know it's hard. But after all YOU LIKE IT SPICY so be a spicy lady. lol

  2. lol ;D I don't like that word either. When I was in Amsterdam (I was only 14) every men in every store said HOW CAN I HELP YOU "YOUNG LADY" ... yeah...even if they throw the YOUNG part there, still that word freaks me out ;DD

    I consider myself as a young adult. after I'm 30 I'll be simply adult woman and later when I'm 60 I'll be old woman ;D but not a lady ;DD

  3. estrogen scares me...

    a guy

  4. Is it estrogen that scares you or the fact that she mentioned estrogen filled BALLS? Is it the fact that to have estrogen filled balls it would mean an injection the jewels? What is it with guys and their nuts that turn them into little girls?

  5. I don't mind 'lady' as much as I loath 'ma'am'! Anyone under the age of 213 should never be called ma'am (even if it is with some sweet and slow Southern drawl like from Rock Hudson in 'Pillow Talk'). Good luck at Smith's and make sure to have all your kids talk a lot about their wonderful daddy the entire time...loudly!

  6. Ah ah, I don't know what's funnier, the post or the comments, especially the Estrogen ones. I hate being called mam,as in ...'Is that all ma-am?'. I so can't stand it, I'm getting mad just thinking about it. Oh yeah, and Wally World stinks..

  7. Sure it's like when people starting calling me 'sir' that I knew I was getting old.


    I don't like the word Ma'am either ;)

  9. I don't like being called Ma'am either! Makes me feel old. Lady doesn't bother me though. And I hate that I'm no longer a Mrs. or a Miss.
    Ms. is just harsh sounding. :(

    Question: I'm having a hard time scrolling down on your site...takes forever, did you add something recently? And do you have a hard time scrolling on mine?

  10. Stephanie,
    I just added a feedjit thing on my sidebar. I wonder if that's causing the problem. I'm not having any problems scrolling on your blog.

  11. Dear sir--I have nothing to add today, but check your email. An ecard is on it's way!

  12. My aunt Cleone loved being called lady. She was short,cute,chubby and had white hair. She loved it when people would say, "Lady can I open that door for you, or can I carry that for you". Not me, I will carry my own d--- groceries. Thank you very much. Just don't call me lady. I think I hate that word because my Dad used to introduce my mother to people as My old lady.

  13. To ANONYMOUS--I sometimes introduce my (ONLY ever--we've been married over 56 years) husband as my "first husband". After all this time, he doesn't give a damn any more.

  14. Anonymous #2,
    That's exactly it. The whole "my OLD lady" connotation is what gets me.

    I LOVE it! You're so awesome.

  15. Ya'll must not be southerners, cause you would not only be used to the lady, but expect the 'sir' and 'ma'am' if you were over the age of 25, haha. In fact, most of the southern ladies I know will try to justify how they are still ladies in spite of any unlady-like traits, like dropping F-bombs or getting hammered on Saturday and showing up for church hung over. Yes, real conversations I have been privy to. What I find the funniest (aside from the photo of the guy) is that Smith's is the pick-up joint. Reminds me of when I was living in Alaska and because the male-to-female ratio was so out of whack, I could go to the grocery store in my bedroom slippers with a surly expression on my face, hoping to be left alone, and still have several phone numbers slipped to me. Who knew produce and piped Muzak was an aphrodisiac?

  16. Lol, I don't like to consider myself old, but I do like to consider myself old-fashioned. I love the terms lady and ma'am. They make me think of sophistication, not age. And I know I have a long way to go to become sophisticated, but being called a lady or ma'am gives me hope!

    And I'm not talking snooty sophistication, more like Victorian Romance sophistication. :)

  17. Mine is Missy. Who calls people Missy? I have a name and it's usually right there staring at them and it ain't MISSY!!!

  18. Ma'am.

    and grown up. Seriously. Just because I have two kids, a house, a government job, and color my gray DOES NOT MEAN I'M A GROWN UP.

    *she sticks her tounge out, puts fingers in her ears and says "Nananananana...I can't hear you"*

  19. I call everyone lady. I suppose I should stop.

    Truth be told, I hate being called Josh.