Friday, August 26, 2011

From Nun to Nanny

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    All right, now that you're back, let me tell you something.  Dee (from Coming Home to Myself) IS amazing!  I'm completely addicted to her blog, her writing, the inspiring person she is.
    After reading several of her posts, I decided to have my children watch "The Sound of Music."  Well, The Scribe loved it so much, she wouldn't even leave the TV for chocolate ice cream!  She sat there, mystified with Maria's charms.
    "Mom," The Scribe gazed up at me before Maria left the convent, "I want to be a nun."
    "Really?" I asked.  "Why?"
    "Because nuns are awesome!  You told me all about that woman Dee, who has a blog.  She sounds neat.  And Maria, if she had long hair, she'd be amazing too!"
     "What's wrong with her hair in the show?"
     "Nothing, I guess.  It would just be better long.  Does she ever grow it out?"
     "No." I shook my head.
     "Mom."  She suddenly said.  "What's a nun?"
    "Someone who dedicates their live to God.  Nuns don't get married."
    She sighed dreamily.  "That sounds romantic."
    "What?  How can not getting married, be romantic?  That's not the point of being a nun.  I don't think it should be romantic."
    "But it could be.  I just know it.  I'd spend my life, dreaming about getting married. But knowing I gave that up for God . . . " She sighed.
     The movie continued.  Soon Maria met the children.  They danced and sang.  They climbed on trees.  Tra-la-la. 
     The Scribe paused the movie.  "I don't want to be a nun anymore, Mom.  It's much more romantic to be . . . a governess."
    The idea made me snort.  The Scribe has a hard time watching the baby for more than ten minutes!
    Here's your average idea of a governess: 
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     But I bet The Scribe would be a lot more like one of the romance novels that are so popular right now.

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    "Can I be a governess when I grow up?" she persisted.  "Is it hard to be one of those?"
     "You could be a nanny."
     "Yeah." She nodded.  "A nanny.  Like when The Zombie Elf was bad and that lady asked you where his mother was and you said, 'she's at work, I'm just the nanny.'"
     My head hung in shame.  "Yes, exactly," I mumbled.  "A nanny."
     "Why did you lie to that woman?" The Scribe asked.
     "Because I felt like an idiot.  Your brother peed IN THE SAND,  at the play digging area of the dinosaur park!"
     She scolded me with her eyes.  "Well, no wonder you didn't become a nun."
     I rolled my eyes--I'm such a sinner--then I hit "play."  The movie continued on.  The motherless children had a puppet show.  They laughed and giggled, growing closer to Maria.
     The perfect time came when Maria married the Captain.  At that point, my middle daughter (The Hippie) paused the movie.
    "Scribe.  Do you still want to be a nanny . . . a governess?"
    "Yeah," The Scribe said.  "Why?"
    "Because then you'll be a step-mom.  Haven't you seen any movies or read any books lately?  All step-moms end up sending their kids into the forest, casting spells on them, making them eat yucky things.  I don't care how awesome Maria was before.  No one can stay good after becoming . . . a step-mom."
    The Scribe gasped.  "But she was so nice."
    "Yes," The Hippie said.  "Was!  Too bad she didn't know.  She shouldn't have married that captain."  
    They talked for a while.  Apparently being a step-mom is worse than being a zombie.  According to my girls, Maria should have gone back to the convent because like The Hippie said, "Maria will really need God now."
    "That was my dream, though," The Scribe said.  "All I've ever wanted is to be a nanny who will marry a rich man." She fell into a stuffed pillow on the couch.  "I watched this show and finally realized what my dreams are!  I've been looking for those dreams my whole life."
    Why is it that you get more for your money when you have girls?     
    "Mom?" The Scribe continued.  "Are all step-moms really bad?"
    "No." I laughed so hard.  "Melynda (from Crazy World) is a step-mom."
    "Wow!  I learn something new about that woman every day!" The Hippie said (even though I swear she already knew that).  "Maybe all step-moms aren't bad.  But it must take someone amazing to still be nice after going through something like that."
    "Yeah, no kidding," The Scribe agreed.
    "Both of you would make great step-moms," I told my girls.
    The Scribe sat up, smiling really big.  "You think so?"
    "Yep."
    "Thanks, Mom.  As soon as I graduate, I'm going to find a nice man who has a dead wife and a ton of kids . . . well not a ton of kids.  Maybe four kids AND a cat.  But his dead wife can't be cuter than me, that would just be weird.  Do you have to be a nun before becoming a nanny?"
    "No," I said.
    "Good, because I'd make a great nun; I'd hate to break all the old women's hearts when I left and got rich."

    So, The Scribe is resolute in her decision to be a nanny and The Hippie (even after watching the end of the show) is still worried that if The Scribe becomes a nanny, she will eventually become a step-mom.
    "Will we still have to be nice to her if she sends her kids into the forest?" The Hippie asked as I tucked her into bed.
    "There's nothing wrong with step-moms," I said.  "You're thinking about this way too much."
    "Fine, but I might have nightmares tonight.  Becoming a step-mom is like taking the ultimate test.  You either become wonderful like Melynda, or you become a witch like that lady in Snow White!"
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    "One or the other?" I asked.
    "Exactly."  She folded her hands.  "God, please protect me from bad dreams about evil step-moms.  Please, God.  In the name of Jesus, Amen."
    The whole thing still makes me giggle.  The ultimate test . . . becoming a step-mom.  I learned two things today:
    I would not have made a good nun and I'm glad I'll never have to take the greatest test known to man. After all, according to The Hippie, "It's shocking which people can turn bad!"