Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Doctor, A Zombie, and a Sorcerer's War

    I guest posted today on Mamawolfe.  Please check her out if you have a chance.  She's amazing!  Here's that post:

So, on to a silly story; yesterday I witnessed a Sorcerer's War!
     Candiss (from yesterday's vlog) made each of my kids a nursing, scrubs shirt.  

    Well, whenever The Zombie Elf (my three-year-old) puts his adult-size shirt on, he thinks he's better than Potter. 
    He wields string cheese (the expensive kind).  He jumps around casting spells on the cat, on the couch. Boom, boom, poof! The kid can even change channels on the TV!  
    What a descendant of Merlin!  
    All that went great, and he thought he was amazing until meeting his match.  Doctor Jones (my one-year-old) stumbled from the shadows in our front room.  
    You see, she wore an adult scrubs top too.  Sure she struggles walking in it because it's long.  Sure she can only say a few words and prefers to make a popping sound anyway.  But when she wears scrubs AND holds string cheese, watch out!  She has brilliant blue eyes that seem to know all the spells in the world.  She has wild curly hair--like a scientist--and everyone knows to watch out for people like that.
    The two babies faced-off in the front room.  The Zombie Elf circled around Doctor Jones because she was far too powerful.  Doctor Jones stayed strong, but something flickered across her cherub's face; I sensed her fear.
    The Zombie Elf laughed then.  "I have you.  You're a bad guy.  Ha ha ha."  The laugh was fake, very pronounced and theatrical.
    Doctor Jones nearly shook in those scrubs.  She turned to me as if pleading for a moment.  She didn't say a word though.  She didn't even make a popping noise.
    The Zombie Elf laughed again.  He grabbed Doctor Jones's wand of string cheese.  He threw in on the ground and stepped on it.  I felt like it was my heart he stepped on because that cheese cost twenty-five cents!
    "Any words?" The Zombie Elf asked.  He pointed his freshly unwrapped string cheese at her.  She stumbled backwards, slowly until he'd backed her against a wall.  "I said," The Zombie Elf screamed with insanity only a magician can know, "any words before I turn you into Rosie the choo choo train?" 
    That's when Doctor Jones turned spicy (like when I wrote about Doctor Jones and the Sucker Raid).  She sealed her mouth tight.  She squinted her eyes.  Then, when I least expected it, she popped her lips. 
    The Zombie Elf pointed his wand closer, knowing he needed to act fast.  (Every time Doctor Jones pops her lips, something crazy happens!)  
    "I will turn you into a choo choo!  Boom, boom . . ."  He waved his wand and prepared to say the final, inevitable POOF!  
    I thought of how much I love the way Doctor Jones is.  I knew she would make a cute choo choo, even though I'd miss her curls.  She appeared nervous, backed against that wall and hope seemed out of reach.
    "Poof!" The Zombie Elf said, but just as he pointed his wand, the spell never made it out because Doctor Jones leaned forward like a snapping turtle and bit off a fourth of the string cheese wand.  
    It was a victorious moment for women everywhere.  You should have seen the pride and happiness on my girl's face. 
    The Zombie grimaced at his wand and dropped the thing.  The female Doctor picked it up and started nibbling on the rest.
    "I lost," The Zombie Elf said sadly.  "I still have this wand though."  He picked up Doctor Jones's old wand, the one he'd stepped on.  He put it in his mouth and took a big bite of nastiness.
    "Yum," The Zombie Elf said as I cringed.
    "Yum," Doctor Jones smiled and giggled.  "Wand!"  That was the first time she said wand!  I told you string cheese is magical.