Sunday, August 28, 2011

Time for Revenge

    I think it's time to address some of the comments I received on my blog last week.  

    The first ones I would like to tackle were posted on:  
    Remember how I wrote about the man who hates American, white women?

    Well, here are two comments I got on that blog:

Anonymous said...
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! Are you a man who is interested in marrying indian women? Please visit, India's 1st International Marriage Bride Site:

    The comment nearly threw me into a fit of hysterics because it is so funny.  It's not what they're advertising, but the point that they're advertising on my blog at all.  I have received so many comments like this.  For example, I wrote about meeting the computer guys, and the other post about mowing my lawn. 
       Here are those links: 

     On both of those posts, I got spam comments: one trying to sell online computer repair support with a link from Dell or something, and one trying to sell lawn mowers.  If you're a blogger, I'm sure you've come across this type of thing before; it still cracks me up though.

The second comment is this one:

Anonymous said...
Well, American women still have two options:
1. become a lesbian or 2. get used to living alone with your 10 cats
No man wants to touch you horrible pathetic subhuman monsters called American women anymore, and the facts prove this: over 50 percent of American women are single.
But, you can still become a lesbian, so you still have at least that option available.

    My advice for this person is, yes maybe you talk with a lisp wisp.  But that doesn't mean you have to TYPE with one!  I'm sorry someone hurt you so badly.  
    Oh, and . . . Cats rock!

     So, I got those comments on 8/25, but the comments that absolutely stole the cake--the words which scream for revenge--I got those yesterday! 
    If you don't remember, yesterday I wrote about Adoption . . . and a Dog.  At a young age, my brother told me I was adopted, and that a dog was my mother.  Well, apparently he remembers it differently.  
Here are the comments I read last night!

On August 27, 2011 9:50 PM, Shane, my dear, sweet, charming, Manly-Leg Crossing brother wrote:

I remember it being a cow when I said that, a really ugly cow. How else can you explain that milky white skin of yours. Our mother IS Italian after all... But your first reaction was so priceless that it turned into an ongoing gag. Perhaps I am remembering a different instance with the cow. Watching realization that I was kidding dawn over your eleven year old mind was priceless, too good to let go of. I was just teasing my little sister, right? Or was I...?

    This comment did bring doubt to my mind again.  Like an ugly bat fluttering where it doesn't belong, my mind wandered through all the things that separate my appearance from that of my family!

    I suffered with those feelings, delving into a doubt long forgotten.  Then I read the following comment from anonymous: 

    My conscience is weighing on me, Elisa. All those years ago, when I said you were adopted, I was telling the truth. Your reaction was so dramatic at the time that I panicked. It wasn't my place to tell you anyway, so I did the only thing I could, I latched onto the first thing I saw and pretended I was making a joke. The whole family decided it should be a secret forever. But seeing your post today made me realize we were wrong. You deserve to know the truth of your origins. I think you're strong enough now and have the right to know. At first I didn't think I'd find her, your mother by blood that is, and then the most amazing thing happened. I found the following website. 

    Visit that site if you dare.  Witness the sacrilege unfolding before us.  But then, after visiting the site, I beg you to pity my poor brother because the time has come to open a can of literary whoop ass on that man.  Maybe I'm not as tall as him; maybe he can still beat me at Mario Kart and Smash Brothers online . . . maybe my mother really was a cow, but hopefully cows are good at taking REVENGE!
    Please tread carefully.  The last time someone made me mad, I arranged for a co-worker to hang blue balls from the back of the culprit's truck.  Don't believe me?  Read here:

The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom: The Best Prank Ever!

    So, in closing, does anyone have advice for me?  
(Beware of what you write here though, brotherly eyes may be watching!)


  1. roflmao

    I think I love your brother!


  2. I don't have any advice, Elisa. I've never been able to get ahead of my younger brother. He teases me with a straight face and I take him at his word and then when he extends the story or the teasing or the "putting me on," it takes me minutes--yes! minutes!--before I "get it" and know that he's just spinning yarns to see me react.

    And yet, I can't imagine life without my brother. Probably you can't either!

  3. Bring it on, Veal Chop! I taught you everything you know about teasing. You can't defeat me! I'll have milk squirting from your nose even though your drinking orange juice. The pungent aroma of blog war is in the air and it smells like cow pie.

  4. You poor veal chop!!!!!!
    Would it make you feel better if I told you that my older sister and I dressed our younger brother up in a parka, dragged him to a street corner on our block and made him lift the parka when cars went by?

  5. KT & Dee,
    Brothers are a hoot. ;)

    It's on!!!!!!! Cow pies have never smelled this sweet.

    That is awesome. You're already giving me great ideas to use against Shane. Bwah ha ha.


  6. It all makes perfect sense now ... that's why she Moo'd when our first child was born. Utterly disgraceful.

    P.S. Shane, if u ever want to join forces, I've always loved Cow tipping!

  7. Boys! They never change. Sigh. Cade stay out of this. I don't want to hurt you but I will retract that 30 pound comment. Don't think I won't. Shane my man, plese dont make me encourage her to um put a certain post up that we both know you don't want public.. (giggle)
    Elisa, How about changing one of his pictures to him wearing a priates outfit. You know the kidn. The girl pirate. Just make sure his hairy pits and legs still show. mwahaha. I have two brothers Shane. I will save my friend.. :)

  8. Can you believe I--The Great Fishducky--am laughing too hard to post a comment?

    PS--Cade misspelled UDDERLY.

  9. Them are fighting words from your brother....he must be brought down. And what is this with Cade? He's picking sides now? The wrong side I might add...doesn't he know you guys live under the same roof? The boy is courageous, I admit. My money is on you Elisa, GIrl power forever!

    P.S. hey that guy with the Indian mail order brides, would they be American Indian or Indian from the country of India? Oh yeah, the Anonymous guy with the wisp needs to get a life, seriously!

  10. Hahahahaha... Well, the website does tend to sway in the direction that you mudder was a cow.. *snort* I'd say I'd want to get back at him as well...but that was damn funny

  11. Udderly LOL!!!

    And Cade . . . I agree with everyone else. What are you doing picking the wrong side? You already know what I'm capable of. Aren't you scared after I wrote on memorial day:

    --and posted that last video about the 30 pounder?

    Watch out boys. I will make a new video if I must!


    P. S. Don't refer to me as veal! I'm more like a courageous set of Rocky Mountain Oysters!

  12. I love this! My sister is still emotionally scarred from her belief that she was adopted, even though she looks exactly like my mom! She happened to inherit the dark olive skin from my Latin relatives, when all the rest of us are fairly light skinned. She still brings it up. Sigh.

  13. I just adore you!!
    I want to be like you when I grow up!

  14. Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I've been gone all day and now I have to put the kids and the hubby in bed. ;) I'm gonna try to come back and catch up after all that craziness. Did not realize we were in the same boat in respect to my post today. Praying for you too!!!

  15. an afterthought, I think you should rename the blog "The hilarious Misadventures of A Piece of Veal..LOL

  16. Elisa, I just might have to come over and we shall... conspire away from the prying eyes of the inter webs!

  17. OMG OMG OMG, you are now officially my new favorite read today. Strolled over from facing 50 based on your hot picture. Following, follow back or I will stalk you in an inappropriate manner.

  18. OMG! Too funny. You've got to love that he created a website just for that! And that he put his info back to the Karate Studio. LOL You guys actually sound like you have an amazing relationship.

  19. LOL, ok this should be interessting! So if you supposedly are part cow does that make your brother part bull? I mean if you are adopted it only makes sence he is as well :) Just a bunch of BULL:::: Plan your revenge carefully my dear and Cade had better stay out of this.

  20. What a brother--I never told my sister she was adopted--I just threw her off the couch as a baby...geez, things siblings do to each other....

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