Friday, August 12, 2011

Miss Priss and "The Wave"

    I loaded the kids into the car.  The Hippie whispered, "The Zombie Elf is in love with Kay.  And I didn't even give them The Love Potion."
    Kay is our little neighbor.  She's four and The Zombie Elf is only three.  I honed in on my girls' conversation then, because cougars are awesome! 
    So, I listened for a while about how Kay and The Zombie Elf once shared a kiss before The Zombie Elf could walk.  Apparently love was in the air, even before he had teeth.
    "One kiss, doesn't prove they're in love," The Scribe said.
    "Yes, it does!"
    "No.  IT DOESN'T.  A kiss is just a kiss.  You need to have something more than that."
    I thought about her words--how can you guess if someone's in love?
    My phone rang.  It was one of my best friends.  She's so much fun.  I feel bad for her though, because I recently discovered that she lives by Miss Priss.  If you've read that story, then you know about the obsessive woman who hates coffee and lives by The Ferber method.  The woman who has a poodle with better hair than me.  A woman, who wears fur in The summer and a fifty pound wedding ring!  Anyway, my sweet friend lives by her.  When I answered the phone, she sounded really upset.
    "Elisa," she paused, "Miss Priss is spreading a terrible rumor.  I needed to call and tell you about it before you heard it yourself."
    "Okay?  What's going on?"
    "Well, a few years ago, my car was broke down, so my husband called his brother to come fix it.  Anyway, his brother came at six-thirty in the morning, before work.  He fixed the car, then left.      
    "Miss Priss, saw a man leaving through my garage around seven.  She had no idea that he was my brother-in-law, or that my husband was still home.  Instead of talking to me about it, she called my husband and told him she thought I was . . . well you know, cheating.  It was terrible, but the worst of it was when she told all the neighborhood after that. So, The lady got really upset when my husband laughed at her.  She's been watching me closely ever since."
    "That sucks.  I'm so sorry," I said.
    "Well, it gets worse.  That's why I called you.  Do you remember how Cade went to Back to School Night?"
    "Yeah?" I said.  I'd laughed because Cade's never been to something like that.  He was so excited that he left me home with the babies and The Hippie.  He took The Scribe and I've never seen two people so happy to meet with teachers.
    My friend cleared her throat.  "While he was at Back to School Night, he saw me.  I stood near Miss Priss.  That's when Cade  . . . waved."
     "Yes, waved.  It was a simple wave, something anyone would do.  He had to do it--I swear.  It would have been rude if he hadn't.  But Miss Priss saw him.  She called my husband yesterday and told him that she saw a handsome man with tattoos, waving at me.  She said, it was one heck of a wave."

    I suddenly laughed so hard.  "Wave" sounded like a code word.  "I'd like to see him wave at me."
    "No kidding!  So, you're not mad?" she asked.  
    "Of course not.  This is hilarious.  Plus, I've had my own run-in with Miss Priss."
    I told my friend about My Date with Miss Priss and after a moment, she started laughing really hard too.  "Isn't it stupid?  All that over a wave.  My husband thinks it's ridiculous," she said.
     "And I think it's awesome.  The wave.  It's the best code word ever!  Can you imagine the great conversations we can have now?"     
    I thought of the computer geeks from last week; I bet they don't wave often!  I thought of Miss Priss.  I bet she HATES a good wave.
    Waving--who knew it could turn so deep!

   I hung up the phone after that, smiling and giggling.  I heard my girls talking in the backseat again.  "I told you.  He loves Kay," The Hippie said.  "He kissed her when he was a baby."
    "A kiss doesn't mean anything.  How else do you know that they're in love."
    "Well, didn't you see him a minute ago?  Didn't you see him wave?"
    I nearly died of laughter.  That was the funniest thing in the world!



  1. Okay, that was perfectly funny! And the cat photo was an awesome touch!

  2. I'm dying enough over the picture of poor Mittens but goodness, 'wave' for a code word is awesome! Miss Priss must have a lot of extra time on her hands since her kid's probably sleeping 16 hours a day from the Ferber method (probably just means you slip the kid an Ambien). What a miserable life you must lead if you spend your time spying on your neighbors and spreading a rumor as soon as you suspect anything. Now that you know she's watching...I think you should go over, dressed nicely and with a blow up doll! Can you imagine the tale she will create with that one! Play with her lonely mind!

  3. E I had no idea! Now everyone's gonna think you and I are having an affair. Please forgive me. I wave AND honk whenever I see you, Cade or the kids. To think I was doing all of this "cheating" without even knowing. No wonder none of the neighbors like me around here.. I'm such a tramp...sigh insert sarcasm wherever it is appropriate here

  4. Melynda - LOL! ;D

    that Miss Priss sounds sooo pathetic.... How low can people go? But the best part is that you can laugh about this...after all, she is the one who looks totally stupid now ;D ;)

  5. very interesting...I wave to my children all the time, but now I realize I'm raising a bunch of whoremongers!

  6. Married for 40 years and countingAugust 12, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    I saw my hubby wave at the mailman yesterday. Oh my gosh does that mean he is gay and wants the mailman? Now I am really worried! I won't be able to sleep tonight because I will be wondering if he is dreaming about the mailman. LOL!!!

  7. Just thinking...maybe you could suggest to Miss Priss' husband that he should try the Ferber method on his wife so that she would sleep all day & stay out of other people's business. And how would you get his attention to talk to him? Easy--just wave!

    One question--different subject: I know why you call your kids The Scribe, The Hippie & Dr. Jones, but how did The Zombie Elf get that name?

  8. Just stopped by to give you a wave, because I do love your post.......kt

    Mannnnn, fishducky is everywhere I go!

  9. Dear kt--There's no escaping fishducky!!!!!!!! (My husband has tried!)

  10. You ladies are awesome! I read these and laughed SOOOO HARD! If I could wave to all of you right now, I would LMAO!

    Here's why I call my boy, The Zombie Elf:

  11. Oh gosh I really am in trouble...I stare, I wave, I flirt, I tell jokes, I pass gas, I burp...sounds like I am the perfect person for Miss Priss :-)

  12. I am SO glad I asked you that question, Elisa! That is one of the funniest posts I have ever read!! Since I became a follower just a couple of months ago, I've missed some of your earlier posts. I'm going back now & reading every one from January 1st on.

    PS--JEFF sounds an awful lot like my husband.

  13. I think I've enjoyed everyone's comments just as much as I've enjoyed this post. You've got a funny circle of bloggy friends, my dear!

  14. My blogger friends are sooo epic. Half the time I write a blog just to see what all of you will say LOL!

  15. Eh.. WoWa.. i'll never wave again...

  16. Oh man, this is way funny. I love the cat photo. Perhaps, you should have a talk with Cade, tell him to stop cheating on you by waving at....everybody. Ok, the lady needs some serious help, or maybe just a new house to move to, way away from you guys.

  17. Elisa--You are one HELLUVA writer!! So far I've read your posts from January through March. I'm sitting alone at my computer & I've cried & laughed out loud! Have you really only been posting since January? I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your stuff either tonight or tomorrow. Do you have any idea when I became a follower?

  18. The nerve of your man, waving at another woman. Hahaha.... That hoighty-toity nosy broad needs to come to my neighborhood and start spreading rumors, cause I can assure you she would be praying for some Ferberizing when the chicks around here got done with her. And your kids and their conversation on love, so sweet.

  19. Dare I send this comment with a wave???????? Well no matter! That's how it's coming. Bye-bye with a big wave! Dee

  20. A wave LOL! I'm blushing.

    What a compliment! Thank you so much :) Yeah, I started in January. It's been a ton of fun. And you started following right about the time I finished my memoir about falling in love with Cade, right?

    I tell you what, this blog has helped me so much. I've made friends, got over issues from my past, laughed, cried. Thank goodness for blogging ;0)

  21. I know people like that...I once hugged someone quickly at a store as I was leaving for school and my dads friend drove by and saw me and told my parents that I was going to end up pregnant before I got out of high school...if only she knew I couldn't have children...