Thursday, December 1, 2011

I am so jealous; what is wrong with me?

    First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to C. J Duggan.  She is such a fun, brilliant, inspiring blogger; I'm so happy to have met her.  You can visit her here:

C. J Duggan

    If you're looking for my book or the giveaway, please check my tabs.

    Now, for the post of the day . . .
    My husband uses fictitious words all the time--seriously.
   "How's your day going, Cade?"  you might ask.
    Then, he'd respond and start talking about something like, "platypi."
    "And what, may I ask, do you think platypi means?"
    "It's the plural of 'platypus.'"  
     We could be in front of a million people and although he knows he's making up a word, he'll act like he's not and EVERYONE believes him and thinks I don't know what I'm talking about.
    "Platypi, is not the plural of 'platypus.'  The correct term is . . . Platypus . . .es?"  I'll say, then second guess myself--the one who used to pride herself on platypuses's facts during a fourth grade report!
    "You're not sure, are you?"  He'll wink and smile--that sassy thing.  "It is platypi, just like octopi, look it up."  But he always says these things when no one has a dictionary, and then half of the world ends up thinking I'm an idiot, that "the word maker" is correct and PLATYPI DO EXIST!
    Okay, I might be exaggerating A BIT.  The point is that he gets away with this madness, but every time I try being cool too, everyone knows I'm making crap up!
    "What a . . . conondrumism,"  I said once and everyone just looked at me patronizingly.  
    I thought I was the innocent girl no one would suspect of anything.  Turns out I'm so innocent, I can't even lie say fake words correctly! 
    How does he come up with these golden words that actually sound real?
    The fact remains, he does get away with this!  Why? CAN'T . . . I!

    Here are some other words he's made up over the eleven years we've been together.  (Maybe he didn't know it, but I've been keeping track--ha ha!)

    "Testiculating"  This is what happens after a man has been "fixed."
    "Gastulatory"  What's going on in someone's body right before, during and right after gas pains.
    "Transitionitory"  When you're moving from one phase to another (usually in reference to life).
    "Abominalazation"  The act of turning into a (yes you guessed it) abomination.
    "Defunctionary"  Far less than suitable.  Ex: the toy that didn't make it into the toy store--it was a sad Christmas for the toy that year.

    The list goes on.

    Once I decided to write this post, I started paying attention to Cade so I could have the gift too.
    But watching him was like being Princess Leia . . . wanting to be a Jedi and not just some force sensitive female.  What can I say though, some things aren't meant to be!

    --Sorry to get sidetracked, but don't get me started on Star Wars.  Joshua from Vive le Nerd already helped clarify some things for me and my girls.  "Dark Vader's" name is actually "Darth."  "Lightsavers" are really called "lightSABERS."  That show finally makes sense now!--

    Back to the point; here's what I learned from observing Cade:

    If you want to make up a "Cade-ism" you need to find between two and five words, then smash them together.  "Cadenism" is a fantabulous example of that.

Deer + Ponder + Rain =  Peerderain  (Which sounds French!)

Union + Nation = Unition  (Which could be . . . the NEW global form of amunition!) 

For the last example, take:  Blog + Men + Women . . . and you get Blogomen!  (Which sounds like a cross between glaucoma and the boogie man!)  Okay . . ummm, scratch that.  Anyway, you get the picture.

    Think of your new creative words as medical termitization.  The point is: don't make up words that sound obvious OR stupid--like conondrumism--those never work.  Trust me!

    When confronted, lie like a dog!  You will not gain a following of believers IF you tell the truth.  When someone asks something like, "Is platypi a real word?"  Say, "Oh, yes."  Then act superior so they must believe you or feel like an idiot.

    For the occasional know-it-all, give sources to back your claim, but obscure your sources.  For example, if they say, "I'm pretty sure 'platypi' is not a real word." 
    Say something like.  "It actually is, I learned about it on TV just last week." 
    "What channel?" they might ask.
    In response, you MUST be vague--Cade always is.  He'll say something like "the science channel" or "channel ninety-six on our TV."  You know, something they can't tie you too.   Don't connect yourself to the crime.

    Make sure there isn't a dictionary in sight.  If you see one after the fact, leave quickly before a mob can gather.

    Seriously though, follow these five simple steps, and you should be golden!

    Oh and if you try this, please tell me if it works.  You might have to be quick on your feet, but if you're like Cade (and you play Scrabble without a dictionary or computer) it will be worth it.

    Do you know anyone who does this, or tells stories (that you suspect are fabricated) but everyone seems to believe?   Are you jealous--like I am--to be the undervalued seeker of truth.  TELL ME!  Am . . . I . . . alone?

In closing:
    Would you have believed "platypi" was a real word? 
(Go google it if you must or haven't already; 
I'll wait here for your answer.)