Thursday, December 8, 2011

Best Thing About Being Married


    Imagine for me, a moment where two people are about to take their vows . . . 
    The couple is soooo in love!  The bride beams brightly in her white dress.  She's a virgin and so she isn't feeling guilty AT ALL about wearing PURE white.  
    Now, picture the groom, a handsome man with a pronounced chin.  If one didn't know better, they'd imagine him as an underwear model, or some other profession where people pay for him to simply . . . look spicy.
    To make this vision complete, I want you to know that the pastor who is marrying this couple recently got divorced. 

    The scene is set; we're ready to go.


    "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to talk about marriage.  God will never leave you or forsake you, because He left that up to women."
    The couple might gape.  If I sat there, I'd stop playing the background violin music--I'd be feeling worthless since I'm only good at playing music at weddings anyway.
    "You might want to rethink these vows. You'll be with this woman a LONG time.  Today, you're about to sign a contract saying that if she loses her health, a leg, her beauty AND HER KINDHEARTED SOUL, you still have to stay with her . . . You could be stuck with the devil herself for all you know--is that a contract you're willing to sign, is it?  Seriously?!"
Photobucket
    The groom might pause, confused because sometimes people who look spicy, well they're schmucks.  
    "Of course he is," the woman would say, batting her eyelashes.  She might look kind, but she's gritting her teeth--she's a bridezilla inside--trust me I've seen plenty of them on their big days!
    The groom would turn to the pastor but not catch his eyes completely. "I guess so . . . yes," the groom says while looking at the bride's chest.
    "And you . . you wanna-be-harlot," the pastor turns to the bride, "are you willing to rip out this man's heart for better . . . FOR WORSE? To smash him into the dust, as long as you both shall live?"
    "Ummm . . ." the bride says, but before finishing, a wise woman interrupts her.
    "Hey, Bucko," the woman stands from the shocked audience, "You have this all wrong.  Is she willing to stay with a man who will probably trade her in for an upgrade?  Does she know she might end up hemming his UNDERWEAR and he might purposely pee on the toilet seat?  Does she know . . . he will bald and take her best years.  Her boobs will sag.  She'll have millions of HIS babies, then years later, he'll probably leave on their thirtieth anniversary?"
     I can picture everyone getting quiet because that's what the thought of pee on a toilet seat does to people. Then some kid would turn to his mother and whisper, "Why would anyone sign a contract like that anyway?  Plus, kissing girls is gross!"


I thought of all this today because someone asked me yesterday, "What's the best thing about being married?"


Honestly, it's that Cade is my best friend.  But there are A TON of silly answers to this question and I knew you were just the folks to share them with me.


Here are some things my friends said when I asked them yesterday (note, some of them are divorced):


"What's the best thing about being married?" I asked

1. The sex

2. A free paycheck, that I didn't have to do anything for.

3. The sex.

4. Nothing.

5. He was taller than me?

6. The sex.

7. She's faithful.

    If Cade answered this sarcastically, I bet he'd say, "It's that my wife blogs about me."


Anyway, those answers cracked me up because they were REAL answers and so honest too.

   In closing, what do you think is the best (or funniest) thing about being married?  Even if you aren't married yet, what do you think it would be?

43 comments:

  1. Don't ask me this today, Veal. Not today....today when I'm having to come up with answers. I'll get back to you later, but not today... I'm going to go clean the pee off the toilet seat now...

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  2. I guess he's my best friend.... but that's all he's getting out of me today.

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  3. hahaha seems to be a running theme there, can't say I'd disagree with "the sex" hahaha

    Not sure, I think I really have to be married to answer honestly. Although I know I'd never pee on the seat on purpose, that's just nasty and would upset my ocd haha

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  4. Well for me there's both plenty of Best and Funniest. However, what I find most amazing about being married is waking up every morning to find I haven't been smothered in my sleep for all the stupid things I do and say. I give my wife, Alissa, all the credit in the world. I can't say I would be quite so generous were I married to myself. :)

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  5. i like that no matter what i do, positive or negative, my husband still loves and supports me and attempts to help me be a better person. he's now legally obligated to do those things, right?

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  6. As I am being some one from a different culture all together, for me none of these are the best part of being married.. :) For me, having someone to standby all the time with me, to share my happiness, sadness and to be a shoulder to relay on, and hands to push me towards my ambitions and goals..and a lot more..! You might get these from a friend, but as I said, the culture and belief I have brought up in does make me believe like this.

    Btw, nice article and hilarious pic. Visiting from vb!

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  7. I'm laughing as I type , what I like about marriage didn't make the list--I like that ther's someone else to play with the kids when I'm beat!!!

    Here with M2R vB

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  8. I have to go along the lines of having someone that has a legal contract saying they will put up with me for the rest of eternity!

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  9. How true. Love your post!!

    Blessings, Carla

    Here with M2R vB

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  10. As someone who will be married 17 years this weekend, I have to say the crazy things that come out of his mouth. While doing a homestudy for our adoption, he was asked where he saw us inthe future. The reply was sweet and yet a little creepy. He asked if you ever saw the movie the NoteBook, yeah, that would be us.

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  11. The BEST thing about being married is knowing that you have someone in your corner who will stand by you through anything and everything. : )

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  12. Who purposely pees on a toilet seat?! Why would someone doe that?! I hope they don't expect the wife to clean that nastiness up!!

    Best part of being married? I'm not sure. You're speaking to the wrong one...hahaha Maybe a date to all plus one events? lol

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  13. This is THE BEST post I've read in a while. I got a laugh from it. Since DH and I are still pretty new at the whole married thing... lol. I love it. Thank you.

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  14. I wonder what my parents would say...I can only assume they'd say something along the lines of "We created an AG of awesomeness"...yeah, I'm just going to go with that...Great post, as usual, being married = big curiosity for a cat like me

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  15. Great post, and I love all the answers.For me it is getting to spend a lot of time with a tall sexy gal who has the most loving heart and the most active mind of any woman I have ever met. The scope of her interests and the vastness of her intellect still fascinate me after sixteen years. Oh, and the sex is great too. :)

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  16. After 2 divorces I can understand the jaded views of your characters. Great post!

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  17. Having that one person who I can totally be myself with and know if faithful to and honest with me. I love being married!

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  18. Always having someone there for me, no matter what. And the sex is nice too. ;-)

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  19. Dear Elisa,
    Not married now and likely never will be! But I think that your opinion sounds right-on. Living with your best friend.

    Peace,

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  20. Knowing that someone is there for you even when you're being a heinous crone. That and his willingness to kill roaches the size of a toaster.

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  21. I've never been married but I will assume that it gives your adaptability a good workout every day. That's a much needed thing in a successful life. ~Mary

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  22. The In~laws live 9 hours away :)

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  23. This is funny! I have to say the best thing about marriage is that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and knowing he will be there for me though thick and thin. I got a good guy though! It might be different for others!:)

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  24. Best thing about being married? Knowing that I matter; Matter to someone else, for reasons other than food, shelter, clothing, signing permission slips, and bail money.

    Knowing that when the kids are gone, the next chapter begins, the one where we can travel, sleep in, and laugh...A LOT.

    Oh. And the sex. Sex is good too.

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  25. The best partner is a best friend that can curl your toes. That's the real and serious answer.

    The other answer is: Because she knows what I like and I know what she won't do...

    Splitter

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  26. Great post! hmmm best thing about being married - still thinking - ohh, I love that he travels alot and I get the house and the bed to myself, well my daughter and dogs too but aaahhh its still great!

    stopping by from vB

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Michelle Sanchez
    How romantic, endearing...and hilarious!
    mnsanchez15@yahoo.com

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  29. wow! i enjoyed reading this...but a topic on which i dont know what to comment:)

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  30. I promise, every time I'm gone for a considerable amount of time and come back, this place gets a face lift! Miss you and your wit... to answer your question I would say:

    1)sex

    and

    2)the fact that I get to sexually harass my husband without any legal repercussions!

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  31. The best part...someone who helps keep my balance.

    The worst part...someone who throws off my balance.

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  32. I used to think the best thing about being married was not having to be alone ever again...funny thing is, I got married and felt even more alone than ever! I look forward to being married again someday, and hope it's filled with a mutual cherishing, a safe place to grow, succeed, fail and love.

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  33. Being married is an interesting thing. Considering my husband doesn't cook, clean, or any of those domesticated things I hate doing, I'd have to say that the best part of marriage is the sex. For sure, the sex!

    I started a new blog. I couldn't go without it any longer. It was driving me crazy. So, please pass on the word that I have a new blog. Please, please, please! I have no followers anymore. :(

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  34. After 26 years together? it's the shared history...and the mutual love and devotion to our children.
    Your story reminded me of the Taylor Swift song, "Speak Now"...so many people jump into marriage for all the wrong reasons, don't they?

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  35. What a fun post! I am not married- but would guess it is being with your best friend and knowing you always have someone who is in your corner. Also- the laughs! When you are with the one you love- you laugh more.

    ~Jess
    http://thesecretdmsfilesoffairdaymorrow.blogspot.com/

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  36. The best thing about being married? How can there be a best when nothing about it is good? Oh, I'm such a cruel, pissy pessimist. After being married so long, I don't know why anyone gets married. I hope you live happily ever after, but if Cade ever hurts you, he will face the wrath of LOLA.

    Love,
    You Know Who

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  37. As I welcome my wonderful husband home from Alaska in a few short minutes (yes I know this to be the fact as he called from the shuttle), I find the answer to be rather simple. He gets me. He may not agree with me always (thank goodness). He may forget where things go in the kitchen (seriously how many years does it take for one to remember where the mixing bowls go?). No matter my faults or his, our ups and downs, ins and outs, to be understood and unconditionally accepted is the daily gift my marriage brings.

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  38. Having someone breathing next to you at night.

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  39. Having someone to tell you that the blob of toothpaste you put on a spot to calm it down is still there just before you enter the restaurant to meet friends.

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  40. Enjoyed examining this, very good stuff, thanks . "I will do my best. That is all I can do. I ask for your help-and God's." by Lyndon B.
    Johnson.
    Also see my page - best online dating sites

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  41. For me, it's having someone that you know will always be there for you no matter what. It's having the unconditional love and support from someone for the rest of your life. When I was 17 and my husband and I first started dating, I invited him over to my mom's house for the first time. Well, I ended up getting horribly sick that evening, and he held my hair back and rubbed my back while I vomited repeatedly in the toilet. He didn't make any comment about me getting sick (or any face), and he told me that I still looked beautiful. That's when I knew he was a keeper! lol.

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  42. I was married once. It was part happy and part sad. It didn't end well. We divorced. We got married too young, IMO and we were still immature. I think we pleased our parents more than we pleased ourselves in the long run. My wife and I had ridiculously different viewpoints on not 1 or 2, but rather 9 or 10 different big subjects. I wouldn't mind getting married again if the woman and I loved each other so much we couldn't live without each other. But it will be very hard to find her in the fact that I'm such an older guy now.

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