Monday, October 3, 2011

Indiana Jones and the Padded Bra

    Dr. Indiana Jones is a wild little girl.  Sure she's only one, but she isn't afraid of wild dogs.  The kid could fight an army of zombies--with a blindfold on.  She could skydive without batting a lash, and her make-up would still look great after the fall. Heck, I bet my girl would even eat turkey nuts!
    Anyway, back to the point, Dr. Jones needed a snack yesterday, and being the good mother I am, I gave her a whole bunch of noodles.      
    As I buckled her into her chair, she giggled and cooed.  She wore a smile AND a darling dress, that I'd made for The Hippie years ago.  
    Here's a picture of the set I made (just in a larger size).  By the way, I'm so glad I shut down my sewing business.  I feel like I actually have a grip on my life now.
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    So, Dr. Jones looked like a doll as she gazed at her snack, although she wouldn't eat it.  Maybe she felt self-conscious, you know, one of those people who doesn't like being watched while they're eating.  
    I decided right then, if I turned my computer on, and gave her space, it would be like saving the universe one well-fed child at a time.  Plus,  I really wanted to blog.
    I thought those noodles would buy me at least ten minutes in blogland, I really did, but fate proved otherwise.  After a few seconds had passed--when my computer barely turned on--Dr. Jones smiled at me and said, "Done."
    "What?"  I thought my head might turn in circles.  I'd spurt flames and we'd have to call the Ghost Busters quick!     
    "Darling," I said patronizingly.  "You can't be done."
    I glanced over, and the mere TEN boxes of noodles I'd given her were gone.  I crawled underneath her chair--no noodles.  I glared at the dog, who was sleeping in her kennel!  
     My mouth dropped in agony.  "Sweet, little, Dr. Jones.  Did you really eat all of those noodles?"
    She nodded and clapped.
    "All of them . . . But How?" My visit to blogland had been cut short; how would I survive?
    With her eyes wide and her lips spread into a grin, she simply nodded again.
    So, with complete disbelief, I took the frilly princess from her chair and set her on the floor.  She toddled around laughing and giggling.  I think that's when I noticed the poofy smocked bra-like bodice of her dress.
    "What?" I whispered because her boobs looked bigger than mine.  Sure she's chubby, but how is that fair?  I don't want to sound envious here, but really, when a one-year-old is packing a bigger double whammy than me, that's a bit sad.
    But it wasn't just her cherubs rolls, making her look like a double D . . . because in that instant, I watched as she reached into her bodice, pulled something out and shoved it into her mouth.
    It was such a quick action, I blinked before taking it in.  
    Reality hit.  The missing noodles . . . The big bust. The food in her mouth!  
    I swallowed, realizing how silly women can be. 
    Dr. Jones, my gutsy princess, had stuffed her bra at the age of one.

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    It was a bit shocking, but really, wasn't it a great idea?  Think of all the amazing things you could put in there.  Jello, right? Just bring a straw with you, then when it's time to downsize, just slurp away.  The noodles were a bit lumpy, I must confess, but there must be other things out there.  Remember those shoes with goldfish in the heels?--that could totally be a bra!
    Anyway, I got the baby cleaned up.  I turned off my computer for the rest of the day and we had a picnic outside.  It was a fun time, playing and laughing. She enjoyed our play date, and even though we didn't stock any more racks with noodles, it was a moment I'll never forget.

32 comments:

  1. At least she wasn't hiding them in a diaper.

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  2. Agreed . . . she's constantly stocking that with other things anyway lol

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  3. This makes me think about something I saw on Pintrest that said, "I hate it when food falls into my cleavage! Sometimes I think my boobs eat more than I do!"

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  4. Oh my gosh!!!! Good luck with her when she hits 13!
    Hilarious!

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  5. LOL..Funny Dr Jones!! I have to agree with Joshua..at least not in those diapers!

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  6. AW how funny! And yes, that does seem like a genius idea...I bet the doctor comes up with some more ingenius ideas as she gets older...looks like you're gonna be rich from her inventions!

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  7. Children are amazing! Something like that would just make my day! :)

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  8. hahaha you are definitely going to have your hands full when she gets older.

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  9. Oh boy, I know what you mean. I always think I'll have time to feed the babies and run to the computer to read a post, comment, Twitter, etc, but they always finish RIGHT when I sign in to whatever site I'm on. *headdesk*
    OH, and on the subject of food. I can't twll you how many times I've thought they've finished, only to open a diaper later, and find a whole three-course meal. I wrote a post about it...LOL

    Is That Poop Or Meat? http://www.paigekellerman.com/2011/06/is-that-poop-or-meat.html

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  10. Just to be on the safe side Dr. Jones should keep a Blue Ice in her bodice in case she doesn't want to eat for a couple of hours.

    LOVED Padded Cell's comment!

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  11. Poop or meat LOL! Great post!

    Padded Cell & Fishducky,
    You are both sooo hilarious :0)

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  12. This has to be one of the funniest things I've read. Too cute!!

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  13. Sounds as though you've got your hands full now, never mind when she is older.

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  14. That must have been itchy!! Bless her, the little trickster.

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  15. I told ya she was going to be a trouble maker the day she was born. ;) I miss her cute little face.

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  16. That's one kid who knows how to get things done. She'll probably end up being the CEO of some wildly successful company one day.

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  17. I too sometimes put cooked noodles in my bra; but only when they've got butter and roasted garlic on them. It's hard to find a tasty snack when you're away from home

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  18. I too sometimes put cooked noodles in my bra; but only when they've got butter and roasted garlic on them. It's hard to find a tasty snack when you're away from home

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  19. Dear Elisa, I'm thinking that Doctor Jones isn't interested at all in how large her chest is. Instead, what I'm seeing here is great creativity. Inventiveness.
    She's probably the next Madam Marie Curie or Georgia O'Keefe or Emily Dickinson. It will be wonderful watching that creative mind as she grows up and meets new challenges in life.

    Peace.

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  20. Stuffing her bra at age one? Damn, kids are learning things younger and younger these days! ;)

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  21. LMAO! I swear these comments are funnier than the post :0)

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  22. so maybe it isn't the fault of these little pageant girl's moms but the actual little girls? pretty sure i've heard of them doing this too

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  23. Too funny! She's resourceful and adorable. She might end up ruling the world.

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  24. I hate to disabuse you of the notion that Dr. Jones came up with a brilliant novelty, but I've been picking food out of my cleavage for years. She probably saw me doing it on You Tube. I'm a hit because I don't even have to grab the goods with my hand. I just stick my tongue down and slurp -- that's how bodacious I am.

    Love,
    Lola

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  25. Just don't go out buying her thongs and stuff next.
    Can you believe they actually sell those for little kids?
    Anyhow, your kids are seriously STELLAR!

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  26. Ha, yes, I am waiting to hear what her first week of middle school will bring--certainly such creativity will not be wasted.

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  27. Loved that, I could just picture her. :)

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  28. very funny:)
    that cartoon gets me every time:)

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  29. I wish I had thought of that, instead of paying my sister. (I tried the dog, but he always smacked his lips so loudly it was a dead giveaway). :0

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  30. I would have fallen on the floor laughing if I saw my child reaching into her shirt for a snack. Thank goodness she didn't put them in her diaper!

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  31. love it! Your stories always make my day!
    visiting from vB

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