Monday, October 3, 2011

Indiana Jones and the Padded Bra

    Dr. Indiana Jones is a wild little girl.  Sure she's only one, but she isn't afraid of wild dogs.  The kid could fight an army of zombies--with a blindfold on.  She could skydive without batting a lash, and her make-up would still look great after the fall. Heck, I bet my girl would even eat turkey nuts!
    Anyway, back to the point, Dr. Jones needed a snack yesterday, and being the good mother I am, I gave her a whole bunch of noodles.      
    As I buckled her into her chair, she giggled and cooed.  She wore a smile AND a darling dress, that I'd made for The Hippie years ago.  
    Here's a picture of the set I made (just in a larger size).  By the way, I'm so glad I shut down my sewing business.  I feel like I actually have a grip on my life now.
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    So, Dr. Jones looked like a doll as she gazed at her snack, although she wouldn't eat it.  Maybe she felt self-conscious, you know, one of those people who doesn't like being watched while they're eating.  
    I decided right then, if I turned my computer on, and gave her space, it would be like saving the universe one well-fed child at a time.  Plus,  I really wanted to blog.
    I thought those noodles would buy me at least ten minutes in blogland, I really did, but fate proved otherwise.  After a few seconds had passed--when my computer barely turned on--Dr. Jones smiled at me and said, "Done."
    "What?"  I thought my head might turn in circles.  I'd spurt flames and we'd have to call the Ghost Busters quick!     
    "Darling," I said patronizingly.  "You can't be done."
    I glanced over, and the mere TEN boxes of noodles I'd given her were gone.  I crawled underneath her chair--no noodles.  I glared at the dog, who was sleeping in her kennel!  
     My mouth dropped in agony.  "Sweet, little, Dr. Jones.  Did you really eat all of those noodles?"
    She nodded and clapped.
    "All of them . . . But How?" My visit to blogland had been cut short; how would I survive?
    With her eyes wide and her lips spread into a grin, she simply nodded again.
    So, with complete disbelief, I took the frilly princess from her chair and set her on the floor.  She toddled around laughing and giggling.  I think that's when I noticed the poofy smocked bra-like bodice of her dress.
    "What?" I whispered because her boobs looked bigger than mine.  Sure she's chubby, but how is that fair?  I don't want to sound envious here, but really, when a one-year-old is packing a bigger double whammy than me, that's a bit sad.
    But it wasn't just her cherubs rolls, making her look like a double D . . . because in that instant, I watched as she reached into her bodice, pulled something out and shoved it into her mouth.
    It was such a quick action, I blinked before taking it in.  
    Reality hit.  The missing noodles . . . The big bust. The food in her mouth!  
    I swallowed, realizing how silly women can be. 
    Dr. Jones, my gutsy princess, had stuffed her bra at the age of one.

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    It was a bit shocking, but really, wasn't it a great idea?  Think of all the amazing things you could put in there.  Jello, right? Just bring a straw with you, then when it's time to downsize, just slurp away.  The noodles were a bit lumpy, I must confess, but there must be other things out there.  Remember those shoes with goldfish in the heels?--that could totally be a bra!
    Anyway, I got the baby cleaned up.  I turned off my computer for the rest of the day and we had a picnic outside.  It was a fun time, playing and laughing. She enjoyed our play date, and even though we didn't stock any more racks with noodles, it was a moment I'll never forget.