Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My Hips Came In

    The Scribe, my nine-year-old stood preening in front of the mirror.
    "What are you doing?" I asked.
    "Just admiring myself," she said breathlessly. "Mom, this is one of the best days of my life."
    "Ummm . . . Why?"
    "Because my hips came in, and that means now I can have a boyfriend."


    Where did that logic come from? I've never heard anything like it!  
    What?  When you're five you start school.  When you're sixteen, you drive.  When you twenty-one, you can drink.  But when your hips come in, oh that's all the rage because it means you can start dating.
    Plus, how do hips come in anyway? That sounds awfully painful--far worse than when my milk came in.  In fact, I think my hips finally appeared when I was dilated to a ten on the delivery table!  And let me tell you, that pain WAS NOT worth beauty!
    To top things off, the whole "hip thing" made me a bit sad. 
    If I'd never had kids, I wouldn't have hips . . . and if I didn't have hips, I should NOT have been dating.  And if I should NOT have been dating, I wouldn't have kids.  And if I didn't have kids, well, that sounded like the cycle of death!
    I felt positively sinful then.  I'd broken a rule, something The Scribe thought was important.  I had dated WITHOUT HIPS!
    "Wow, those are great hips," I said, even though I couldn't see them, "but you still can't date until you're sixteen."
    Her big lip pouted.  "But Mo-om.  There's a really cute guy at school."  
    A guy--they're in fourth grade!  
    "He's sweet and nice," she went on.  "He's even funny and he has a mohawk."  What a bonus--seriously.  "And he reminds me of . . . of Daddy!"  
     Oh, now I knew she played with fire.
     "That's dangerous.  Once a girl like you falls for a boy like your daddy . . . there's no looking back."
    "Really?" She giggled, and I realized the conversation had gone the wrong direction.
    "No boyfriends," I said.
    "But he's in a band."
    "No boyfr--.  Wait, what?!  He's nine."
    "Ten," she corrected with so much pride, I couldn't help myself.
    "Oh, an older man."
    "And he plays the guitar."
     "You still can't date him.  If you date, then you'll have to break up."
    "But you just said there'd be no looking back."
    I rolled my eyes.  I hate it when kids use my own words against me.
    "Fine," she said, sweet like mud pie.  "I won't date him. I'll tell him you said 'no,' but that I wish we could.  Our love with be something people write about, like Ang and Katara in The Last Airbender."

     "Maybe I'll let you date when you stop comparing your burning love to a cartoon romance."
    "Mo-om, you know what I mean."
    "Plus, you've forgotten the other rule about hips.  If you date him, your hips might go away."
    "Seriously?" she asked and I nodded.
    "Wow," she said. "Are you lying?"
    "No.  I wouldn't lie about this."
    "I don't know if he's worth it." She finally decided.
    "Well, you better be sure."
    "Yeah," she said. "Maybe having a boyfriend isn't all it's cut out to be.  A life without hips, well,  that wouldn't be fun at all."
    "I agree," I said. "Because I've been there."
    "I love you, Mom.  Are you still happy my hips came in?"
    "Of course," I said. "But I'm a little worried you're growing up too fast.  I hope you'll always know how much I love you, girl."
    She hugged me tight, and inside I cackled like a mad--yet youthful--witch.  
    I couldn't help smiling as I thought, "The Scribe loves her hips more than that ten-year-old boy.  Problem adverted, until another day!"


  1. hahaha I really laughed at the cartoon romance remark..hahaha....hips = dating new one to me too. At least for now they work to your advantage..haha

  2. So. Stinkin'. Cute. 20 year olds are in fourth grade? My sister is 11 and in 7th grade.

  3. That was supposed to say 10 yr olds, not 20.

  4. Goodness, I think I was born with hips! She's so funny and perfectly normal to like a boy at 9. I was starry eyed for a boy when I was 8. He brought his twin baby sisters in for show & tell so how could I not fall for him!?! My parents had the 'no dating till your 16' rule as well but I really wish they would have said 'no dating until you are out of high school!'...would have saved me from a miserable 2 1/2 years and 50lbs that took a long time to get rid of (longer than the high school dope!)

  5. This story about Scribe and her hips suddenly appearing is so dear. I can understand your relief that hips, right now, mean more to her than a boyfriend. But, oh, the day is coming!


  6. This legit made me laugh out loud. I remember being in the Old Navy dressing room with my mom when I started to tear up. I hated my hips because they made me look "heart shaped". My mom still makes fun of me for saying that to this day!!

    Now if only I knew your hips coming in meant that you are dating material, I might have been much happier! Or, I might have bought tighter pants to show them off. lol

  7. lol! grade 4???? hard to believe:) that logic is really funny.your daughter is very very sweet elisa:)
    p.s my apologies for my post... want you to cheer up elisa:) hugs for you

  8. My 20 year old has her hips and she's not dating much. I bet if I told her that she could get rid of her hips by having a boyfriend, she'd be thrilled!

  9. I've heard of ships coming in but not hips.

  10. Again, this reminded me of a story--what a surprise!

    When I was in my teens, I used to hang around with a friend who had a brother who was 5 or 6 years old. He was too young to have hips & if he tried to wear his pants in the current style--like hip huggers--they would slide right off his bottom, making him really frustrated. We used to get him to pick up & bring things to us. We told him that bending & carrying would make his hips grow. "DO IT, BOBBY--YOU'LL GET HIPS!"

  11. Oh the things I'm going to have to deal with when The Girl is a touch older.

    I'm screwed.

    Though I did see a great shirt yesterday: "DADD : Dads Against Daughters Dating (Shoot the First One and the Word Will Spread.)

  12. My hips didn't come in till I got married. I'll be happy to announce to Husband, "Good news, I'm allowed to date now." cute!

  13. My hips came in! I love that. However, if I'd known she'd been waiting I'd gladly have sent her some of mine while she was waiting. I have hips to spare.

  14. To BODACIOUS BOOMER--I don't think that would have worked. I offered Elisa some of my boobs a while back......

  15. oh my goodness...if in fact hips equates to being able to date that must explain why I got my first boyfriend in kindergarten! I was a very hip pun intended.

  16. Fourth grade. Wants to date. Hips came in. I didn't date until I had boobs and that happened in high school. The boys liked the boobs. Didn't give a damn about hips as long as they weren't fat. I'm so confused.


  17. Oh man, you have me laughing so hard my hips hurt. I'm in trouble, too, as I didn't get my hips until the delivery table either----oops. :)

    Kudos for the (somewhat evil) creative way you handled that. And thanks for sharing, you've made my day. Now I need to go write this in my Mommy Journal, my girl doesn't get her hips for at least another 7 years, lol!!!

  18. She cracks me up...just what I needed today.

  19. Lordy, I always wished my hips would go away! I wanted those slim hips that fit in boy's jeans. Oh well! Really cute - I love that momentary place in between little-girl-hook and young-lady-hood. Made me smile.

  20. Oh MY! I did not get my hips till I was on that delivery table my daughter can't date till she is 16, but boy, now that she is in 6th grade all I hear is complaining about the, what happened to boys are gross! lol

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  22. Lol! The Scribe is too cute! That little boy sure is a charmer. I had a guy I liked in preschool all the way through 5th grade. That was when we moved out of state. I think my husband is still jealous of him and we never even kissed! lol. As for the hips, I'm with you EC! They forced their way into existence in the delivery room.

  23. Oh gosh. How funny! Not sure if I ever got hips. Do plus-sized women get hips before kids? Because if so I need to do something and become a drinking party girl so I can tell guys that "I'm 25! You can date me now! Who cares if it's 12+ years after I should have started!"

  24. Oh you're a crafty one, hips or beau, that's a no brainer. Fourth grade, hard to believe, they sound just like they're 9 going on 18.....The scribe is so funny, does she have any other body parts that have to come in still?

  25. Love it! Just one question: Will the scribe now become the hippie? ;) Love your blog as always.

  26. Since our dauther is only 5, I appreciate you posting these exchanges Elisabeth. I am taking notes and hope to sound much wiser in a few years when topics like this are a reality in our house.

  27. ROFL - this is delightful. Enjoy those diversions while you can.

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