Saturday, October 15, 2011

Ask Your Spouse

    Have you ever been nervous to ask your spouse something?
    Well, I was.

     So, I decided to ask him and catch his reaction on video.

     Here it is:

    Also, here's the dialogue in case it's hard to hear:

    Elisa: We're here to talk about questions you're scared to ask your spouse.  So, I have a question for Cade that I've always wanted to ask him, and I'm going to catch his reaction on camera.
    Are you ready for this?   

    Cade nods, completely nervous, but trying not to act like it.

      Elisa:  When you're home, why do you always line the toilet seat with paper even though you're home?

    Cade:  'Cause I don't like a cold toilet seat on my butt.

    Elisa:  And a tiny piece of toilet paper will warm it right up for you?

    Cade:   It'll take out the shock of the contact.

    Elisa:  How cold do you think it is in here?

    Cade:  Well, it's more habit than anything else.  When you're on a construction site and it's thirty below, go sit your butt on a cold toilet.

    Elisa:  Ya, but this isn't a construction site.  This is just our family.

    Cade:  The other thing about construction is, you don't know about other people's hygiene.  Putting your butt where their butts have been . . . you might as well pull down your pants and stick your butts together.

    Elisa:  I'm not talking about construction sites.  I'm talking about our house.  Why do you put toilet paper on the toilet?

    Cade: It's more than habit and plus, it's not like we're the only people who use the toilets in our own house.

    Elisa:  So what you're saying is that you have something against the company we invite over to our house.  You think . . . you think they have The Clap!
    Cade:   Ummm . . . no and you just learned what The Clap was after I embarrassed you at that restaurant.

    (Here's that blog post: The Clap.)

    Cade:  Your face was redder than your shirt.

    Elisa:  It is not!  But now I have to talk about The Clap in everyday conversation because I'm so proud I really know what it means.

    Cade:  Back to the point.  Just think about it; do you want to sit down on a toilet seat and put your butt where everybody else's butts have been?

    Elisa:  Well, if you invite company over and it's okay to be their friend, then ya you assume they'll sit and it's okay if your butts touch the same thing.

    Cade pulling a mortified face.

    Elisa:  I don't mean it bad.

    Cade:  Woah!

    Elisa:  But I clean the toilet seats.

    Cade:  After every time someone uses them?

    Elisa:  No, but at least once a day.

    Cade:  Well, and if you also think about it, if you put toilet paper on when you use the bathroom, then when someone else comes, they aren't putting their butt where yours has been.

    Elisa:  So what you're trying to do, is save everyone else from yourself?

    Cade:  No.  But people wash their hands and it's the same sort of thing.

    Elisa:  What a generous, sweet soul you carry in that handsome body. 

    Cade:  A-huh.

    Elisa:  Well, we just wanted to see if you have any questions you've always wanted to ask your spouse.

    So tell me, do you?