Monday, October 10, 2011

Udderly Senseless; The Blog War Continues

    First off, let me show you . . .

The culprit!

   Here he is:
And here he is again!
(Trying to look INNOCENT.)

On the other side, 
since there's usually more than one side to every story,
here's . . . 

The victim


And again:
I really like those jeans she's wearing; I bet they cost $1 at a garage sale, seriously (they did)!

    So, now that you have faces to put with the names, let the madness begin.
    At approximately 1pm on Saturday the 8th, I (the victim) talked to my brother (the culprit).  
    "Shane, I have a real problem.  Ruby's been bullied and now things are getting out of control.  How would you handle a bully?"    
    My guru of a brother--that gift to humanity--responded quite wisely.
    And it was an amazing response considering I didn't give him all of the details about how The Bully pranks us when The Scribe can't play.  Or how she'll doorbell ditch our house after her mother has gone to sleep!
    It's so aggravating when I finally get my children to sleep and someone DOORBELL DITCHES us and wakes everyone up!  Ahhhhh!  Plus, her poor mother doesn't even know where her nine-year-old kid is late at night.
    Anyway, the day went on and I couldn't believe all of the crazy problems we're having with the bully.  I ran into a couple of my neighbors and they've apparently heard terrible rumors about me and The Scribe.  My neighbors said The Bully's mother had talked to everyone, saying wretched things.
    I ended up talking to my brother again, since he's practically my best friend. But while on the phone, the conversation changed.  "Elisa," he said. "Can I come talk to you? You've just been working so hard on your books and I want them to have the best chance possible."
    "O . . . kay," I said.  I didn't know why he'd want to come over at eight o'clock at night, but who am I to argue with a guru?
     So, my brother arrived shortly after that.  The whole time we visited I kept worrying about The Bully and if she'd doorbell ditch us while my brother was there.
    Then it happened!  We hadn't been sitting there five minutes, when someone actually POUNDED on the door.
    I couldn't contain my rage.  No one messes with me in front of company--NO ONE!  I opened the window, "Get the heck out of here!"
    Then, Cade, who's half ninja, ran outside and attempted to chase the person down.  "They left something on the porch," Cade said.
    I went after him and indeed, there was a package on our top step.
    A dilapidated note rested on the top.  "I know what you've been up to.  Watch out!" the note read and was signed by The Bully's mother.  
    I became irate.  Seriously, what have I ever done to her, and now she's gossiping about me and leaving bombs on my front porch?
    I immediately picked up my cell phone.  "That's it," I said.  "I'm calling the police."  Since I love them oh so much.  "I'm not putting up with this crap anymore.  She's said terrible things about my kids, teachers at school, some of my friends and their kids.  She's tried getting people fired and I, for one, WILL NOT be bullied anymore."
    But then my brother snatched my phone.  "Don't call the police," he said with a silver tongue.  "Why would you call them, when you haven't even opened the package?"
    It was confusing, and looking back, I wonder if that's how Eve felt before the fall.
   "I don't want to tamper with . . . evidence," I whispered because when I turned, he had a camera in his hand--a PINK camera.
    "What's going on with the camera?"
    "I had some pictures to show you, but while I have it here, why don't we videotape this for your blog."
     Oh ye, unsuspecting readers, see how crafty brothers can be!  Why was he pressuring me to open the box--the same man who adverts danger at any cost?  Normally he's quite cautious, treading softly, talking quietly.  Yet, this time, he pushed me to shun the police and open . . . the box of doom?  Like Lindsay Lohan and her crazy decisions, it just didn't make sense
    So, being a naive sap, I trusted him.  I pulled off some tape, opened one of the box's flaps and let my brother videotape the whole thing.
    But when I opened the first flap, a hissing sound dismantled my composure.  "It's a bomb," I thought.  "This woman is nuts, and she's sent me a bomb."
    So many solutions crossed my mind.  I could throw the box and look away--that might fix things--or I could grab the box and run toward The Bully's house. Sure I might explode in the process, but maybe the villains would get their just rewards and my own family would be safe.
   Just as I'd made up my mind and was about to run with the heavy box of doom, my brother said something strange,  "Damn it!"
    I turned to him, completely surprised, udderly senseless.  "You did this?" I asked and waited for his response . . .

    For the answer AND the video, please visit:

   Good thing I have a new prank in store for my brother!  Ha ha, this should be good.


  1. God bless the brother/sister relationship! HILARIOUS :-)

  2. P.S. Tell brother the video was great :-)

  3. You two would wear me down with all this obsessive pranking :)

  4. haha think it's even more funny that it didn't work haha. When the camera was pulled out, dead time needs a button camera.

  5. That was great. There are so few good pranks anymore. BTW- I tried to comment at the other blog but there was no Name/URL option.

    Are all the Blogger folks removing that? If so I'm screwed as I'm too challenged to comment any other way.

  6. It sounds like you're about to put a little pork--or would that be poke--into your all beef brother.

  7. I saw this video on your brother's blog a little bit ago. It was epic. And by epic I mean hysterical.

    You hide those wings so well, Elisa.

  8. Oh I hope this goes on forever... LOL

  9. I can't wait to see The Revenge of Elisa. Very well written and I wish my brother were that much fun, but it's kind of difficult for him because he's dead (he wasn't any fun alive either).


  10.!!!! LOL! Your brother is one crazy guy!!!! Sounds totally like something my brother would do! Glad you didn't call the cops right away- not that I disagree with you. Those bullies are out of line. Hilarious though!

    Here from voiceboks! Thanks for visiting my blog!

  11. Wow, that if Funny! Not the bullying part..but your brother's Udder failure. lolol. I had to go watch the video on his site. So funny! hahaha.

    I do hope you find a way to manage the Bully though; those are frustrating and one of my pet peeves! I hate when people are rude to others.

    returning the visit from our blog and VB

  12. This is so funny!!! You and your brother really cracked me up, he went to such lengths to "get" you!!

    On a serious note, I too hope the bully situations improves, it sounds like a horrible situation and I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to go through it. I do think it's great that you have your brother to add a little humor into your day!! Take care!! xo

  13. Ok, These things don't just happen....I read and I think I'm really reading a book or something, but this IS your life. SO FUNNY!

  14. That is AWESOME!!!!!!!!1 I love it!!!
    Connie G
    CGruning at aol(dot)com

  15. Unbelievable! I'm looking forward to your next move! That neighbor lady sounds creepy;(

  16. Brothers!!! I'm envious of your great relationship. Mine lives across the country. Boohoo!

  17. Just saw the video.

    Ha, I bet you and your brother's fun made for an exicting and "watch your back" family life.

  18. The prank was crafty!

    But what I want to know is what is "Door Ditching"? And also, how are you going to handle this bullying? I truly can't remember much bullying when I was young--in the forties and fifties. And yet now, it seems to be a plague.

    I hope that your brother and Cade and your friends--and the Scribe also--can come up with some ways to end this bullying.


  19. He did get me pretty good LOL!


    "Door Ditching" is when someone knocks (or rings the doorbell) and then runs. So when the door is answered, no one is there.

    As far as the bullying goes, it sounds like people are beginning to take it to the principal. I hope she'll fix the problem. The Scribe isn't the only one being bullied by the girl now. ~crazy~