Saturday, October 8, 2011

Thor is the God of Thunder, and The Oracle is My Little Girl

    Despite my constant silliness, several of the children in the neighborhood love me.  They'll come over to ask advice about writing, making friends, and avoiding trouble.  I've read many of their stories which have the most brilliant ideas.
    Those darling children eat zucchini bread and talk to me about plots.  We discuss holes in stories and how the characters need to be "real."  The kids have learned fast, and I swear they're wiser than Hera.
     So, yesterday, when a cute little trio of children walked up my driveway, I had to smile.
    I knew two of them.  One is a gorgeous girl with long black hair and blue eyes that see subplots from a mile away.  She reminds me of Snow White.  Her brother walked beside her.  He's very quiet, but extremely smart.  He's good at telling stories, but mostly just interested in zucchini bread.
    As they came closer, I noticed the siblings walked with a new girl and I felt curious, wondering why they would bring her.
    Could it be to meet the puppy?
    Did she like zucchini AND bread?
    Did she have a story she wanted to share?
    That was when the boy stopped at the back of my van.  His eyes bulged from his face.  He couldn't quit staring, and then his sister rolled her eyes and tugged him along.  
    Every time people stop by my van, I think of how I need to remove the bumper stickers.  I guess I put them there because I live in a VERY religious area and I want everyone to know I'm not religious, and they shouldn't try converting me.
    It's hilarious when snooty people see the stickers because they always pale and walk away.  I guess it's since I have two stickers.  One if of a very voluptuous Betty Boop and the other is of a half-naked fairy.  It doesn't show anything bad, not really, and it does make for some amusing moments when judgmental people walk past with their fancy dogs and nice fur coats.
    I thought all of that as the children knocked on my door.  I might replace those stickers with some of Thor because he's good looking for the sake of the children. 
    After all, Thor is the god of Thunder--that can't be bad, right?
     "Hello," I said.  "You've brought a friend?"
     "Yes," Snow White said.  "She's here to speak with Doctor Jones."
     Snow White is very theatrical.  She always talks like she's a queen at the renaissance fair.  I LOVE it.
    "Doctor Jones?" I asked, thinking about my one-year-old.  "She's sleeping, but it is time for her to wake up.  Can you wait here while I check?"
    The boy's eyes turned questioning.  
    "The zucchini bread is on the counter.  I'll be back in a minute."
    They all made themselves at home and munched on homemade bread.  The Scribe, The Hippie and my Zombie all sat with them.  I made sure they were completely happy before going to check on the baby.
    It wasn't a surprise that Doctor Jones was awake because even from the hallway I knew she'd made a poopy.  Oh how glorious a mother's job can be.  Cleaning buns, scrubbing floors and making porcelain thrones shine.  I drew Miss Jones from her crib and as I changed her diaper, I heard Snow White talking.
    "There's something strange about that baby," she said.  "Remember the book with the oracle?  Well, I think this kid is a real one.  When Elisa wasn't looking, I've asked the baby all sorts of questions.  I even asked if Tommy liked me.  She said 'yes' and he did!  When I asked if I'd fail my class, she said 'no.'  She was right both times!  So, I think Doctor Jones . . . can tell the future!" 


    The children hushed. I held in a giggle as I thought about The Scribe and The Hippie.  This could be golden!
    "Are you still sure you want to ask her your question?" the boy mumbled, obviously eating.
    "Yes," the new girl said.  "I can't wait."
     So, I brought Doctor Jones to meet them.  She has dark brown, curly hair and when she wakes up, it is WILD.  She won't let me put anything in it, maybe it cramps her seer-like powers.  She looked like Einstein after being electrocuted.  And her big blue eyes did seem strange amongst that mess of dark hair.
    Snow White's friend gaped at her and sighed.  Apparently, Doctor Jones was even more impressive than she'd hoped! 
     Now remember, the children had no idea I'd heard them, and after we'd talked a moment about Snow White's story, she said, "Elisa, I've told my friend all about your fantasy book.  She'd like to read it when it's published.  But, I hope you don't mind, can you show it to her now?"
    "Ummm . . . sure. I'll just take Doctor Jones with me."  
    "Oh, no," Snow White said a bit too quickly.  "You're always so busy.  Why don't you let us hold her while you're finding the book?" 
    So she was a crafty sort!  No wonder her stories keep me reading breathlessly.
    I left the room then, but stayed around the corner so I could hear every word.
    "Hold her on your lap when you ask the question . . . if you don't hold her, she'll give the wrong answer."
    The Hippie spoke first.  "If I would have sold mints at school, would I be a millionaire?"
    "Yes." Doctor Jones giggled.
     The Scribe went next.  "Are you really a powerful oracle?"
    "Ya."  Doctor Jones said.
    It must have been the boy's turn because he asked, "Will any of my future girlfriends . . . look-like-the-stickers-on-Elisa's-van?"
    "No!" Doctor Jones yelled and everyone laughed.
    Then, I heard the new girl's voice. "Hold her like this?"
    "Yes," Snow White said.  "Go ahead, we came all this way; just ask her."
    The new girl spoke so quietly.  I strained to hear.  "Will my parents still love me, even if they do get divorced?"
    Silence for a minute.  I worried my baby would give the wrong answer.  I clutched the book in my hands.  This could be tragic!    
    "Will they still love me?" the girl asked, louder this time.
    "Yes," Doctor Jones said so seriously no one laughed.  "YES!" she said again.
    I came up the stairs shortly after that.  What do you say to a kid who's going through something so hard?  What?
    Well, although I thought about it, I didn't know what to do, so I told about a million cow jokes--some that I learned from you.  I got her laughing and smiling and just before she left, I gave her a copy of my book.
    Everyone else stood in the driveway, but the girl came back to the house and thanked me one more time.
    "You know the great thing?" I whispered to her.  "I heard you talking to Doctor Jones.  And . . . I want you to know she really can tell the future.  And if she says your parents will always love you, then they will.  Plus, look at you--you're amazing!  God is looking out for you.  He always has and always will."
    She walked away and smiled every time she looked back.  She and Snow White waved 'goodbye' before pulling Snow White's brother away from the back of my van.
    I thought of those stickers again.  I may not be religious, but I sure do have faith in God.  Regardless though, it might be a good idea to switch those stickers out; I've always loved thunder AND biceps anyway.
    I smirked because it was a happy moment.  That's when I heard The Scribe and The Hippie interrogating their sister in the kitchen.  "Well, will we get iPads for Christmas?  Yes or no?"
    "Answer us," The Hippie coaxed, speaking in a tone even sweeter than Thor's outfit.
    "Jones, say 'yes.'  Come on, Baby.  Say 'YES.'  One little word.  Come on, Baby," The Scribe said.
    I walked into the room and watched as Doctor Jones took a big breath.  She looked at me, smiled, and then said, "NO . . . way."
   It was hilarious.  Plus, maybe Snow White was right.  That kid might be an oracle!


  1. Your writing gets better and better - fabulous post today.
    Could you ask the oracle if I should hit Hubby over the head with the banana cake I baked him because he keeps interrupting me!

  2. hahahaha not giving up on those mints huh?..haha love it.

    If Doctor Jones powers get around, you may have a line at the door.

    Oh and look you were at my place while I was here once more..haha

  3. I think Doctor Jones might very well BE an oracle! Have you asked her about your future success as a published author?

  4. how adorable and very touching...Dr. Jones is one special kid. Ummm, could you ask her what the next winning lotto numbers will be and if my husband's hairline is receding? ahem* that second question was from him ;)

  5. A lovely story, Elisa. I agree with "Facing50" that your writing just keeps getting better. I think that what I'm seeing is that you are becoming such an astute observer of human experience.

    You remember dialogue so well. That's important because the words people--children--choose to use tell us a lot about them. So the words they say help the reader picture them.

    I so look forward to reading all the books you are going to write.

    I'm thinking that you could write a fine novel centered around a family. Perhaps you could have as your narrator a child--there are so many fine novels like that--for instance, "To Kill a Mockingbird."

    You'd need plot, characters, suspense and a problem that has to be solved. But within your own life you have the seeds for all that.
    Just think about it---if you haven't already.'


  6. Damn it. You made me cry. I hate to cry. I do the ugly cry and the tears mess up my glasses. Quit being so wonderful.


  7. you certainly have one entertaining household full of characters. it was like having tea somewhere down the rabbit hole with alice:) only real and better.
    so did i miss what exactly your bumper stickers say? i want to know, especially now with the visual of a tasteful half-naked fairy:)

  8. Your blog rocks so hard. What a sweet story just proving once again that not only do you make killer zucchini bread, but that you're an amazing person.

  9. Doctor Jones being right every time sounds like something that would only happen on TV or in movies. Crazy! But, from what I learned in my education classes (on the topic of dealing with parents and students re: non-academic issues), Jones was right: that girl's parents will love her even after the divorce.

  10. Doctor Jones is going to keep you very busy over the next few decades! She sounds absolutely precious! I'm so glad you both were able to help the little girl - that's some tough stuff she's going through.

  11. What could be more irrestistible than "constant silliness?" :)

  12. That's such a sad question for the little girl to ask. Good thing thing the baby answered correctly.

  13. My heart skipped a beat when I heard the new girl's question. How sad! And you handled it just right.
    Now I'm thinking of what I want to ask Dr. Jones......

  14. Great one again! I wish I liked zucchini bread so I could get a copy of your book from you.