Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Words Have Power

    Several years ago I pulled into the drive-thru at a local restaurant.  "W--w--ww---what w--w--w--would you l-l--like today?" the woman asked.  I'd heard the kids in front of me.  They'd made fun of her and it broke my heart.
    "I'd like an order of chicken noodle soup," I said because snow hung in the air.
    "Is--is--is  th--th-that all?" she asked.
    "It sure is.  I'm so excited for that soup.  It's the best reason to come here."
    She stuttered again and told me to pull up to the first window. 


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    As I waited there, I tapped on the wheel and sang with the radio.  I did that a lot, but if someone saw me, I'd always act like I was talking on speaker phone or something professional like that.  There's just something crappy about being caught singing in the car.
    So, the woman came to the window.  I'd seen her a million times before.  She was always sweet and kind.  Her hair normally stayed in a ponytail like mine.  She hardly wore any makeup.  But this time, she'd done her makeup beautifully.  Her hair had this amazing glow to it that can't be bought.
   "You look gorgeous!" I said.  
   "R--r--really?" she asked, stuttering again.
   "Yes!" I said.  "Your hair.  Your makeup.  I wish I could do my makeup like that.  You're stunning."
    She talked to me for a while then.  She gave me my soup and we smiled and laughed.  It wasn't until I drove away, that I realized something.  After I told her how stunning she looked, she hadn't stuttered once!
    The whole story reminded me of school, how a positive attitude can often help children far more than a negative one.  People forget how powerful words are.  What you say can really affect someone.  It can build them up and prepare them for great things.  It can pull them down so low they won't want to continue on.
    I talked about this at the University of Phoenix because the class was filled with future teachers.  
    When I first wanted to be a writer--especially in college--a lot of people pulled me down.  They wanted to point out everything I did wrong. It wasn't until people told me what I did right, that I started to learn.  The bad habits began falling away because I wanted to perfect the good things.  
    I still have a lot to learn, but one thing I do know is that positive reinforcement can do wonders.  It can give people courage to pursue their dreams.  It can help others learn what they're doing right so they can avoid what they're doing wrong.  But most of all, it can give people hope.  Whenever I get negative feedback, I remember the kind things people have said--their generosity keeps me going.  I guess that's why I write, for the joy of being read because words have power.


Have you encouraged someone recently?

If you'd like more information about me or my books, please visit my author site: www.ecstilson.com

47 comments:

  1. Aw! That was an awesome post!! BTW I get embarrassed if I'm caught singing in the car too - probably because I snicker when I see others doing it!

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  2. What a great post. My husband stutters when he has to speak in front of people, but when it's one on one, he's fine. If everyone were kind to each other, this world would be so much better--in my opinion, that is.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this wonderful happening with us. I love the way your compliment seemed to remedy the woman's stutter completely. Must have been a great moment when you realised.

    Have a great day,

    Casey

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  4. Singing in the car is definitely an embarrassment, especially when I have my iPod playing old 80's tunes. :)

    I prefer a mix, personally, with regards to feedback. For example in reviews: I try to point out the good and also what could use work. Likewise when I used to direct (college theater) I made it point to always give positive feedback along with any negative. I think the constructive criticism is necessary to help people learn, but it should never be given alone. There's always a positive message to go along with it. Therefore people come away with a sense of accomplishment but also with something to think about for future improvement.

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  5. I'm a big believer in the power of words. And telling the woman that she looked gorgeous was a kind deed. I can only imagine how good she felt for the rest of the day.

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  6. Wonderful post!
    I know your kind comments made her day, week or possibly month. I always tell my children to try to find something nice to say to someone at least once a day. I believe that positive things happen when you show kindness. My daughter was selected to represent her 9th grade class on Homecoming Court. She's a little sweetheart and I believe in my heart, that her kindness put her there! I get phone calls from teachers (even the kids' bus driver), asking me my secret to having "nice" children. It truly pays off.
    Thanks for spreading the word about kindness!

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  7. So very true, sometimes just a few positive words can make all the difference in a life. Sounds like it went well at the university too.

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  8. Another example of why you are a kind and beautiful person. Good for you. And great post.

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  9. I found your blog from giveaway promote $600 paypal cash mothers day giveaway and I'm very happy I did. I really enjoyed this and thank you for reminding me that positive words make a difference!!

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  10. Found your blog from the mother's day giveaway! What a great example. We should always be kind you never know how it could help someone's day.
    -michelle riebeek

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  11. Wonderful post!! and a great reminder how we can change someone's day with a word. hopefully more people will think about what words they use and the affect it can have. Here is to positive speaking and being good to each other!! xo HHL

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  12. It's amazing how a simple compliment like that, can really mean the world to a person. I know I've had really rough days where it seems like nothing can go right and then some stranger or not so close friend will say something like "you have such a beautiful voice and I love when you sing at church." and everything else doesn't matter anymore. I hope that I do enough of that kind of thing for others, but really can we ever do it enough?

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  13. I don't speak in front of crowds, but I'll sing my ass off in the car. I don't care who's watching as I go by doing 80.

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  14. That was so nice of you to say something positive and kind to that woman! I dated someone awhile back that stuttered. It was frustrating at times but once he was relaxed and comfortable around people, it subsided. I always think that positive reinforcement is the best because if you keep pointing out what someone does wrong, they are always going to think they are a failure. I praise the children in my daycare as often as possible. (and, no, the stuttering of my ex was not the reason we parted. lol)

    (Shannon M Gallagher on rafflecopter forms)

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  15. Lovely story! You really evoke emotion from the very first line and have us rooting for both the narrator and the woman working the drive-thru. :)

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  16. My husband thinks I'm silly, but I always try to tell the cashier that I love her earrings or that someone in the elevator has really cute shoes. It makes them smile & there's nothing wrong with that!

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  17. Inspiring post. Yeah, one time I had a wild hair in my nose that was driving me crazy. I was in my car at a stop light and tried to free it. Unbeknownst to me, there was a car full of teenagers next to me. I don't know why I looked over, but I did just in time for them to see my finger up my nose and them all go EEUUWW! I wish I had only been singing.

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  18. What a great post! I recently encouraged my husband to go back to college for what he orignally did 10 yrs ago.

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  19. Wow, this is great. I always encourage my younger sister to be more outgoing and friendly. She's starting to smile at strangers and you can tell it brightens their day!

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  20. That was very nice of you. You gave her back the confidence.

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  21. well said ,more people should be giving compliments,it does make you feel better and have more self esteem. thank you for the post.

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  22. Words do have power and this message in your post today needs to be shared so I will post it on my facebook. If it helps one it will be worth it. Thanks for all you do to help others.

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  23. I wish more people would encourage this kind of behavior...thanks for sharing and for being one of the "good guys!"
    i found you through Peanut Butter and Whine and the contest and I look forward to reading more from you!
    http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2012/03/mother-of-year.html?spref=fb

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  24. What a great reminder of the power of our words. I want to be a better encourager.

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  25. I try to practice positve reinforcement like this with my children...and teach them how negative words linger.

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  26. You are so right, a little encouragement goes a long way. I'm going to try to make a point to be more encouraging and uplifting to people! Great post! I bet you made that woman's whole day.

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  27. What a wonderful post and kudos to you for telling that woman she looked beautiful. Everyone needs to hear that every now and then!

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  28. Great story. I make it a goal to encourage at least one person a day.

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  29. Words are so powerful and bad ones are hard to take back. My youngest, in particular, falls apart with negative feedback, but is a star when working towards positive feedback and praise. I always tell people they look good, or cute in what they are wearing, etc. It is sad that they are always so surprised by the compliment. Great post!

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  30. This was a great post. I am a writer too and find that the positive words go a lot farther with me than the negative. I don't mind some constructive criticism here and there but when I know I am doing a lot of things right, it really gets me pumped to keep writing whereas if all I heard was negative or what was wrong with my writing, I would probably just give up. What is the point of writing if no one likes to read it??

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  31. Thanks for the awesome post, I'm very shy when I walk anywhere my head is always down. My husband on the other hand always has good posture and everything and everyone seems to stay out of his way. I love talking but I have to know you before I talk.

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  32. I definitely wish I was more outgoing, I am shy! Like your post! New follower. =)

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  33. I totally agree that i people are treated good, they feel good about themselves.

    tammyt19663 at centurylink dot net

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  34. This is so true. I once saw this man on television singing so beautifully and when he stopped to talk he stuttered. You would've never even guessed he was a stutterer when he was doing something he was so confident and passionate about. Everyday I have to remind myself to be encouraging to my children. It's easy to just point out everything they do wrong, but it builds them up when you give them more praise than you do criticism. Great story...

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  35. I really needed your challenge today. I've been dealing with a 14 year old son who is in a rebellious stage right now, and all I ever do all day is criticize because of his attitude. I'm going to begin practicing encouraging words and watch the change. Thank you!

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  36. Really cool that a positive comment helped her out =)

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  37. What a beautiful thing to read to start my day. If I'm being honest, this post brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful place this world would be if we would all just take an extra thirty seconds to stop and think before we speak. A little kindness goes such a long way. Thank you so much for the reminder.
    Tracy Awalt Juliano

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  38. This is so profound. I am dealing with a difficult almost 12 year old step-daughter who, I find it very hard to find positive things to say. I am going to make more of an effort in hopes that she will feed off the positive, rather than searching for the negative. Thank you for this wonderful post.

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  39. Positive reinforcement can be an amazing thing even if you do it for yourself. I'm a big fan of self affirmations. Positive compliments can really boost a person's self esteem, even if it's from yourself!

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  40. I couldn't agree more! When I go out, I always find someone (often times a total stranger) to pay a compliment to... and you can see how it lights them up. Smiles are the same way. If you smile at someone, they can't help but smile back. And you can't feel bad when you're smiling. :) Great post!

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  41. I don't know if I encourage anyone, but I've been encouraged by a number of wonderful people. A couple of college professors had me thinking I was the cat's meow. It gave me so much confidence at the time.

    Love,
    Janie

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  42. This is an incredibly inspiring post, thanks for this!

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  43. kimberly wiley lazorApril 11, 2012 at 9:15 PM

    Very uplifting! Thanks!

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  44. I was in a Bible study once and we were assigned to find out what "gift of the spirit" we've been blessed with. I later received a telephone call from one of my children's mothers and we got to talking. Out of the blue she asked me if I knew what gift of the spirit I had and she said it was the gift of encouragement. I then realized I had always been encouraging to others and continue to be

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