Thursday, December 1, 2011

I am so jealous; what is wrong with me?

    First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to C. J Duggan.  She is such a fun, brilliant, inspiring blogger; I'm so happy to have met her.  You can visit her here:

C. J Duggan

    If you're looking for my book or the giveaway, please check my tabs.

    Now, for the post of the day . . .
    My husband uses fictitious words all the time--seriously.
   "How's your day going, Cade?"  you might ask.
    Then, he'd respond and start talking about something like, "platypi."
    "And what, may I ask, do you think platypi means?"
    "It's the plural of 'platypus.'"  
     We could be in front of a million people and although he knows he's making up a word, he'll act like he's not and EVERYONE believes him and thinks I don't know what I'm talking about.
    "Platypi, is not the plural of 'platypus.'  The correct term is . . . Platypus . . .es?"  I'll say, then second guess myself--the one who used to pride herself on platypuses's facts during a fourth grade report!
    "You're not sure, are you?"  He'll wink and smile--that sassy thing.  "It is platypi, just like octopi, look it up."  But he always says these things when no one has a dictionary, and then half of the world ends up thinking I'm an idiot, that "the word maker" is correct and PLATYPI DO EXIST!
    Okay, I might be exaggerating A BIT.  The point is that he gets away with this madness, but every time I try being cool too, everyone knows I'm making crap up!
    "What a . . . conondrumism,"  I said once and everyone just looked at me patronizingly.  
    I thought I was the innocent girl no one would suspect of anything.  Turns out I'm so innocent, I can't even lie say fake words correctly! 
    How does he come up with these golden words that actually sound real?
    The fact remains, he does get away with this!  Why? CAN'T . . . I!

    Here are some other words he's made up over the eleven years we've been together.  (Maybe he didn't know it, but I've been keeping track--ha ha!)

    "Testiculating"  This is what happens after a man has been "fixed."
    "Gastulatory"  What's going on in someone's body right before, during and right after gas pains.
    "Transitionitory"  When you're moving from one phase to another (usually in reference to life).
    "Abominalazation"  The act of turning into a (yes you guessed it) abomination.
    "Defunctionary"  Far less than suitable.  Ex: the toy that didn't make it into the toy store--it was a sad Christmas for the toy that year.

    The list goes on.

    Once I decided to write this post, I started paying attention to Cade so I could have the gift too.
    But watching him was like being Princess Leia . . . wanting to be a Jedi and not just some force sensitive female.  What can I say though, some things aren't meant to be!

    --Sorry to get sidetracked, but don't get me started on Star Wars.  Joshua from Vive le Nerd already helped clarify some things for me and my girls.  "Dark Vader's" name is actually "Darth."  "Lightsavers" are really called "lightSABERS."  That show finally makes sense now!--

    Back to the point; here's what I learned from observing Cade:

    If you want to make up a "Cade-ism" you need to find between two and five words, then smash them together.  "Cadenism" is a fantabulous example of that.

Deer + Ponder + Rain =  Peerderain  (Which sounds French!)

Union + Nation = Unition  (Which could be . . . the NEW global form of amunition!) 

For the last example, take:  Blog + Men + Women . . . and you get Blogomen!  (Which sounds like a cross between glaucoma and the boogie man!)  Okay . . ummm, scratch that.  Anyway, you get the picture.

    Think of your new creative words as medical termitization.  The point is: don't make up words that sound obvious OR stupid--like conondrumism--those never work.  Trust me!

    When confronted, lie like a dog!  You will not gain a following of believers IF you tell the truth.  When someone asks something like, "Is platypi a real word?"  Say, "Oh, yes."  Then act superior so they must believe you or feel like an idiot.

    For the occasional know-it-all, give sources to back your claim, but obscure your sources.  For example, if they say, "I'm pretty sure 'platypi' is not a real word." 
    Say something like.  "It actually is, I learned about it on TV just last week." 
    "What channel?" they might ask.
    In response, you MUST be vague--Cade always is.  He'll say something like "the science channel" or "channel ninety-six on our TV."  You know, something they can't tie you too.   Don't connect yourself to the crime.

    Make sure there isn't a dictionary in sight.  If you see one after the fact, leave quickly before a mob can gather.

    Seriously though, follow these five simple steps, and you should be golden!

    Oh and if you try this, please tell me if it works.  You might have to be quick on your feet, but if you're like Cade (and you play Scrabble without a dictionary or computer) it will be worth it.

    Do you know anyone who does this, or tells stories (that you suspect are fabricated) but everyone seems to believe?   Are you jealous--like I am--to be the undervalued seeker of truth.  TELL ME!  Am . . . I . . . alone?

In closing:
    Would you have believed "platypi" was a real word? 
(Go google it if you must or haven't already; 
I'll wait here for your answer.)


  1. No I would have not believed that was a word.
    I have always liked "happy pollylogies" which I stole from "A Clockwork Orange."

    Teledildonics is a good word for phone uh "relations."

  2. Dear Elisa,
    I did know someone like Cade who seemed to make up words, but when I'd check them in the dictionary, I'd find them right there, staring up at me accusingly, asked, "Why didn't you believe him? We do exist!"

    This friend I discovered was extraordinarily bright!


  3. Blog Post + Food = Postelicious.

    Unition should be the global money. Just saying.

  4. hahaha who says it's not a word. Just because no one has claimed it yet, doesn't mean it can't be. All words come from somewhere.

    I can bs my way through making them believe too, so I won't get jealous. A good addition to number 5 is grab the dictionary yourself, pretend you are really searching hard and act confident, then say "See" point to some random word and close it fast. Chuck the book away and if they insist on looking, then run away..haha

  5. Oh and it helps to pretend you are reading the definition from the dictionary too, of course you have to be good at bsing a definition..haha

  6. LMAO!! Your post is...wait for it...awemazing!!! XD
    Wel, you are not alone, in fact, you don't know how long it took me to convince me family at platypuses is indeed, the correct plural noun. Ah well, I guess you'll have to give credit to Cade for knowing how to lie like a sly dog. I suggest carrying a pocket dictionary for future reference xDD

  7. I am truly heartbroken that platypi is not the plural of platypus. I guess I just don't like platypuses. It just sounds dirty.

    As for husbands making up words. . . my husband combines words from two different languages and I just have to laugh because he isn't convincing at all. Especially since he doesn't even know the meanings of the words he is combining, they just sound right to him so he uses them.

    However, Fantabulous is a most remarkable word. And for more Fantabulous words I use often:
    Flustrated- flustered and frusterated AT THE SAME TIME!
    Ginormous- Gigantically Enormous
    Slickery- a smooth slippery
    Noob- evolution of the term "new" when refering to a persons experience with doing something.
    Leetsauce- an evolution of the word "elite" and given the suffix "sauce" to convey that it covers everything and is therefore better than everything.
    Haxor- evolution of the word "hacker" as in the person hacking a computer.
    Uber- an evolution of the word "super".

    Combine them in a sentence and you have something like this:

    Who is that fantabulous noob with the uber leet hax? He is getting me so flusterated because he is so slickery!

    Have fun with that mouthful!

  8. Ahhh I'm sorry you already were subjugated to an uber long comment, but here. I found this site and it makes me roffel. (which is the phonetic spelling of the word rofl)

  9. This post made me laugh and smile :) And I love the picture of the, uh...platypi :)

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

  10. hahaha platypi!! My question is ... How do you feel like a bunch of platypusES?

    How is your day going? Oh, you know...that same a group of platypuses chilling in their natural habitat.

    Instead of questioning the word, question his answer. Maybe then you'll win! :P

  11. I do this all the time. It's all in the tone. If questioned I'll respond with an "of course!" in a tone which suggests I am offended that then even dare to question my wisdom.

    No need to fear dictionaries. If proven wrong, playing dumb and brushing it off work too. "Really? I must have read it wrong. Oh well, no big deal. I think I made my point anyway." all done in that same pompous tone.

    Great fun! :)

  12. Another fun place for things like this are making up "back in my day" facts for the kids and telling it like fact. I had my oldest convinced yesterday that when I was younger I broke some rule and the typical punishment (back in the day) was being dragged behind a car for a half mile.

    I could see he didn't want to believe me but he still had to ask "did it hurt?" :)

  13. I'm an English major and yet, I've always avoided playing Scrabble with my mom and grandma because I feel like they have this expectation that I'll use all these fancy words that only English majors know. Alas, I'm like you and don't have a very wide vocabulary. Though I have yet to hear a word and ask the person "Is that a real word?"

  14. LOL...Ahhhhh! That would be frustrating for me too. Husband doesn't generally make up words, but he'll only half-listen to me sometimes and hear certain words incorrectly. After that, he'll use the incorrect word like it's actually what I said...did that make any sense?

    ie - Me: Honey, you have a great lexicon.

    Five days later...

    Husband: I have a pretty good lexipro.

    Me: What's a lexipro?

    Husband: You should know. You just used it last week. Why are you going around saying words that you don't know the meaning to?


  15. LOL I can definitely relate, great post. I would have believed him too though for reasons already mentioned.

  16. I bet it is impossible to tell if they are real words if they are told with a straight face. Very clever!

  17. Love your post!Shared it with MY husband who likes to make up ENTIRE SCENARIOS, and is so convincing in HIS tone, that it guessed it...even I believe him, although it is based on absolutely nothing that is actually going on. We are kindred spirits you and I...may the force be with you sister-friend!

  18. Strangely enough, my 12 year old daughter does that. She came up with "confumbled". As in: "Your bracelets are all confumbled, let me fix them for you."

    If she didn't make up this word, don't tell me. Let me bask in ignorance, bedazzled by her brilliance.

  19. I used to play Scrabble with my mother, who, I'm convinced, used made up words all the time. I usually let it pass. The last straw was when she put down the word "coatees" on a triple word space for 70 gazillion points! I sweetly ask, "What the hell are coatees--little coats? I challenge!" The dictionary said, "coatees--n.--(KO-TEES)--little coats." She was as surprised as I was!

  20. I would've believed platypi was real. Octopi is after all.

    BTW- I feel sorry for the platypus. They got seriously screwed by Mother Nature.

  21. The thing is you have to do it right, like: Masterism, craftious... or even if you wanna talk about people from utah in a negative way you say: Utardians... =) anyways you get the point.

  22. I think you do quite well making up your own language. The two of us have done it multiple times.. It just doesn't come off as real. lol I mean really. R U?

  23. Utardians works for me--after all, my state is full of Californicators!

  24. You are not alone. I suffer from jealousy. I am so jealous of the women with whom b. flirts that I want them gone. Don't want them dead. Just stop the world and let them off. I am also jealous of bloggers who are funnier than I am. I should be the funniest all the time. It's that simple.


  25. Squuuueeeeee...Aww thanks hun I had an amazing day! :) Your so lovely! xx

    THIS is HILARIOUS! I love the fact Cade makes up words. It would totally fool me too.

    My husband authentically gets sayings wrong.

    Instead of "Going to pump some iron" he said "Going to press some metal"
    Or "She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth" became "She was born with a silver platter in her mouth" Ummmm??

    "Camel toe' is "Camel claw"

    And my favourite "Toey as a Romans sandle" is "Toey as an Arabs thong"

    Bless our hubby's!!

  26. LOLZ..u know one qn, how do u manage to write such hilarious posts so quick?!?!?
    im amazed

  27. My problen is I make up words, but think they are REAL and my husband just dies laughing at me....So I look like an idiot!!!! LOL

  28. I learned early in my marriage that if it came out of The P.A.N.'s mouth then it had to be true (can you hear the sarcastinistisism in my voice?)

  29. As one who regularly creates his own wordishness, I can fully relate.

    But I do have to say that "octopus", like "platypus" is not of Latin origin. If they were, then "pi" would be correct as the plural. They are initially of Greek origin, so technically "octopi" and "playpi" are absolutely incorrect.

    Trust your instinct young lady!

  30. I LOVE this blog! Very well spoken!

  31. As a person who has always struggled to spell, I am constantly surprised by my ability to make new words by simply trying to spell the common ones (pitiful I know). You have spurred the curiosity in me and now I must investigate the process one goes through to get a new word entered into a dictionary. As a side note, those that teach others to grab the dictionary for the proper spelling of word are obviously not Dyslexic. Can you imagine how hard it is to look up a word to see if its spelled correctly if you are so far off base in the first place!