Saturday, December 3, 2011

My Husband AND My Wife; Part I

    Last month we got together with one of Cade's friends from high school.  It was great meeting him and his wife.  When they walked into the restaurant, I was shocked because I went to school with his wife, Barbara!  "What are the odds?" I asked and she hugged me.
    "It's so great to see you," she said.
    "Oh, you know . . . my wife?" Cade's friend said.  I thought we'd entered into a fun double date.  His first line though, that should have been a sign that things were headed in the wrong direction.
    Here's the thing, I have a pet peeve (maybe I have many), but one I CAN NOT stand is when a person constantly refers to their spouse as MY wife or MY husband.  Are they a flippin' object?  Seriously.  Do they have a name? 
    So, we ordered food and chatted.  It didn't hit me until later that CADE'S friend, kept referring to his wife as a possession.
    "You're so very lucky to have Barbara," I said.  And he truly is because she's packing the sweetest personality and a set of double D's--in fact, the whole time we ate, I wanted to run to the bathroom and stuff toilet paper into my bra.  I'd feel better, and I doubted anyone would noticed that I'd practically "grown in a flash."  But if I stuffed, I knew Cade would give me "the eye."  That man lives to give me "the eye."
   Anyway, I didn't stuff, or dump miracle grow into my bra--again.  Instead I listened to "Tony's" reply.  "You're right.  I am so lucky to have such a great wife."
    Very interesting.  Was he allergic to her name? It suddenly became my goal to find out if I could get him to say "BARBARA" or even "Barb."  I thought about grabbing Cade and dragging him to the back of the restaurant; we could make bets there--that's always where they make bets in movies.  We could even get the cooks and waiters in on it.  If Tony didn't say "Barbara," I'd be rolling in dough.
    I grabbed Cade's hand.  And then looked at the door.  "Cade can I talk to you?" I whispered, my lips not moving although one side had stayed open.
    Cade got up with me.  "Why are we going to the back of the restaurant?"
    "To make a bet.  I bet you ten bucks, that Tony guy won't ever say Barbara.  He's a possessive creep."
    "What?!  He's my friend."
    "Fine, maybe he's a great friend.  But he's far from a . . . name-dropper."
    Cade gave me the eye; he could earn money giving people the eye.
    "Seriously, haven't you heard him?  He says, 'my wife' and 'my bride.'  Would it kill him to use her name!"
    "Elisa, this is ricockulous."
    I kissed him full on the lips then, this knee bending, leg popping kiss.
    "Woah, what was that for?" he asked.
    "It's because you used my name."
    "Nice," he suddenly had such a hard time not smirking.  He put his hand up to his face and stroked the furry bit growing from his chin.  "Fine," he nodded, "ten bucks, says I can get him to say 'Barbara.'"
    "And ten bucks says he won't."
    "You do realize that my money is your money and your money is well . . . you get it."
    "Yeah, but if I win ten bucks, I'm putting it toward editing fees."
    "All right, you're on."
    So, we went back to the table and smiled as if we weren't pool sharks facing amateurs.
    "This is great," Cade said, tapping the table.  Then he pulled out the big guns and turned to Tony.  "Times does fly.  How long have you been married to . . . ummm."  He motioned to Barbara.  Oh! He was good.
    "My wife?" Tony asked and I nearly spewed my water EVERYWHERE.  "Six months."
    "Newly weds."  Barbara smiled.  "Tony's a wonderful man."
    I looked at Cade.  Did he hear that?  She had the decency--the humanity--to use Tony's name, yet he couldn't even call her "Barb" or "Barbie!"

To be continued . . . tomorrow.


  1. Oh, this is fun! I too get a little weird at the possession thing that some people have with the spouse. I'll bet you win. :-)

  2. hahahaha ohhh that is just tooo funny. He doesn't even use a pet name or anything, just my wife. Trophy indeed. Although I think I have an idea on how Cade is going to win..haha

  3. Dear Elisa,
    I can hardly wait until tomorrow's installment. You're so inventive that I'm betting on you to win, just as DJan did!


  4. This installment is definitely one of my favorites of yours that I've read. LOoking forward to see who won the bet...

  5. Oh this is one of my pet peeves! MY ex used to do this all the time. lol

  6. This is so entertaining! You are right that they always make the bets in the back of the restaurants in the movies. I never thought of that. Have you ever actually spewed your water at everyone at the table? I embarrassing!

  7. Sooo fun :)

    Mommy LaDy Club,
    I'm trying to remember . . . I know I've accidentally spit on someone when I was talking to them LOL!
    I've laughed so hard (at blogs) that I've spit coke on my computer before--I can't believe I'm admitting to that :)

  8. I will admit to being bad like this in online posts (usually because I tend to write idiotic things) but I'm pretty sure I've never been this bad in real life, although I've introduced my wife, Alissa, to this blog so perhaps she'll correct me. :)

    Can't wait for part 2!

  9. Can't wait to see how it turns out! My bets with you!

  10. Elisa, though I believe in you, it is a lot harder to make someone NOT say something than it is to get them TO say something. I'm sorry my bet lies with Cade.

  11. I don't mind being referred to as 'my wife' (and I do actually like it) but I only need it mentioned once and then 'Maggie' is fine. I think since we are still fairly young, it's just nice to clarify that we are married. But Cade's friend is a bit weird! Not cool!

  12. You always keep me in stitches. I laughed myself into a wheezing fit. I am rooting for you, this new hubby seems clueless. I can't wait for part two.

  13. I don't remember my husband, BUD, ever doing that. If BUD ever did that, I would kill my husband, BUD!! At least, I've never been called "the little woman".

  14. Are you FREAKING kidding me? Now I'M annoyed at this guy. What the hell??

  15. I can't wait to read Part 2! I've never really paid much attention to the MY husband/wife thing. Now, I'm sure I'll be noticing it everywhere. Thanks! LOL

  16. Can't wait to read part two!

    I have been without internet for two months so I have to catch up on your blog.And thank you for the great comment on my blog you left.It really made my day to read that!:)

  17. That is so funny my eyes are burning (or have I been on here too long?) I am so going to look out for non-name droppers and let my single sister know about these terrible men right away!

  18. There are some cases where you can't help but say "my wife" or "my cousin" or whatever, like when introducing the person (or what Fishducky did in her comment, hehe). After that, I see your point: what's wrong with using the person's name? I don't even think it's a newlyweds thing since Barb was using Tony's name. (I've seen it on TV before: the couple can't stop calling each other "my wife" and "my husband" because they can't believe they're married or are still so excited and happy to be married.)

    Can't wait for Part 2 :)

  19. Is he married to someone else and pretending she's his wife? Maybe he's cheating and she doesn't know it. Maybe he can't remember her name.


  20. Did you seriously just type "ricockulous"? Hahahahahahahaha. I'm pretty sure that made my day. I can't WAIT for the second half of this story...poor "No-name Barbara". LOL

  21. PS--My brother was married twice. Both wives were named Maxine. At least (I assume )he never cried out the wrong name during sex.

    I never liked Maxine #2. Maybe this explains why he married her.

  22. I am so enjoying this story! I do not like it when people refuse to call their spouse by name. I don't mind it so much if it is a stranger saying something like, "Oh, my husband hates olives." But when I know the people it drives me crazy. I have one friend who constantly calls his wife "my wife". I went to their wedding for goodness sake. Can't wait to hear how this one ends. I am betting you won $10.


  23. Love the cleverness of the story and it is kind of annoying when someone never calls their spouse by their name. Lucky for me I do not have that issue in my life. Can't wait for the next half.

  24. Is it tomorrow yet? Seriously, I need to read the rest about this demeaning asshole!

  25. Can't wait for tomorrow's post. My pet peeve is when someone refers to their wife as The wife. It bugs!

  26. I never thought of it as a pet peeve, but you are right, people should be referred to by their name, not husband or wife.


  27. I haven't put much thought into this, but maybe he is so proud to have a wife that he wants to keep saying it. To some it could sound like a possessive thing, but to him maybe it means something else entirely. (Don't you just miss my devil's advocateness? Help me out Cade, is that a word?)

    Who knows? But thanks to you, I'm going to notice when someone does this now.;)

  28. I haven't really noticed the 'my wife' thing but I have noticed this before:
    Some couples with very young children (or work too much with children) refer to each other as "mummy" and "daddy" even when they're talking to other adults...

  29. It's funny - it seems to be a thing a lot of men do, as both my 2nd husband and my current husband cannot be heard to say my name - they'll call me hon or sweetie, but not by name. I've even mentioned this to my husband (and I use that phrase 'cause you don't know him, so if I just said "Dmitry" everyone would be like .. umm, who??), that he never says my name, and he just shrugs. He totally doesn't get it.

  30. soo funny ;D you two are crazy ;D I hope you won!

  31. I love the relationship you and Cade have. Always stay that way, it suits you both. And as always, you crack me up.

  32. I had to come and read this becuase I had to know why you decided to have the bet............

  33. But they're newlyweds! Don't remember how fun it was to say, "My husband" every chance you got that first year? It's sweet. Annoying as hell, but sweet.

  34. I hope it's still okay that I refer to my wife as The Wife.


  35. Joshua,
    Heck yeah.
    Cade's called me that before. I think it's cute said like that because it doesn't make the person sound like a possession. ;) "The Wife" is a term of endearment, more like being part of a team instead of just "my wife" the sidekick.

    LOL After this post, the only problem now is that I notice every single time I say, "My husband." I can't have a real conversation without stopping myself ;)

  36. Yeah, besides, everyone knows I'm the (Silent Bob) sidekick.

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