Saturday, December 31, 2011

The PS Princess

    Cade and I went to a party.  "Why aren't you talking to all the strangers?"
    "What does that mean," I asked.
    "You're normally Miss Social, but this time you're hanging out in the back?"
    "I thought it might be fun to just watch the party.  I always blog about how I meet weirdos.  How cool would it be to watch someone else have a strange experience and blog about that instead.  Plus, I can write about our signals."
    Cade snorted.  "All couples have signals.  Other people might not find that interesting.  But whatever you want to do.  I'm going to join the party."
    So, he went to talk to his friend as I thought about how we have certain codes we set up in Hawaii.  For example, if he wants me to quiet down and look at something, he'll nudge me really hard in the back--I hate that one.  Or if I want him to get me a drink, I'll blow him a kiss and wink toward the drinks.  I'm not quite sure how these codes came to be, but they did and it's hilarious writing about it.  Another thing, a more obvious thing we do is talk about "PS people" because it cracks me up.
    "PS" stands for "painfully sexy."  At parties there are tons of people (male and female) who fit into this category.  PS people wear jeans that are WAY TOO TIGHT.  Maybe even hair that is WAY TOO CURLY.  These people can be attractive--but they've gone to so much effort it's gotten painful.  I don't care if you wear a size one, you can still find pants that are uncomfortably tight--and that's a bad choice.
    They'll usually be caught in heels.  One of the biggest notifiers of a PS-er is the way they walk.  If they're taking smaller steps than normal AND you think they're smuggling something between their butt cheeks, you know they're a PS-er.
    Still confused?  Let me clarify with some examples:

Here's an aspiring PS-er:

And this one . . . look at his differently shaped thighs. 
I hope he has some circulation left. 
Too bad, he's become a PS person:

So has she:

And this is as extreme as it gets. 
Why wear this anywhere; it doesn't look fun:

    Well, one of the girls at the party was gorgeous.  I took a sip of my drink and thought, at two o'clock there's an aspiring PS-er.  Plus, give it two more years and she'd be a full blown PS-er--that was interesting, right?
    So, the night went on and Cade visited with people.  I decided to sit off in a corner, drink my drink and watch.  I honestly was hoping to see something funny to blog about.  Then it happened, the aspiring PS-er sat by me and started talking.
    She was gorgeous--like I wrote before--well above average.  She wore a bunch of make-up, had implants and curly hair.  I felt strange sitting there in my hoodie and glasses.  "Ummm, hi," I said.  I'd wanted to watch people, not talk to them.  Why do I always end up as part of the flippin' story! 
    She talked about returning to college and dating younger guys.  There she was, probably ten years older than me and I had a better grip on life than she did.  I felt bad for her and the shallow conversation we had.  But I especially felt bad wondering if she could breathe in those pants.
    "What do you think the point of life is?" I suddenly asked.
    "That's a weird question," she said.  "Well, I think it's to be memorable."
    "And how can a person do that?"  
    "Well, if someone can make a bunch of money, then they'll be memorable.  That's why I want to be rich and famous."
    Things got quiet after that.  The meaning of life for me is totally different.  It's about who you are and who you want to be; how you react to the good and bad times--how you treat others, even PS-ers.
    And then, since I'm the queen of bluntness and there wasn't anything else nice to say, I looked at the woman and said, "You're such a beautiful lady.  It's rare meeting people as beautiful as you."
    "Oh . . . my . . . gosh."  She looked at me and stood.  "I should have known.  You're wearing a hoodie!  Oh, Hon.  I'm not a lesbian."
    "What?!"  Where in the hell did that come from?  Once again--why am I always part of the story!!!  "Well, great.  At least we have one thing in common.  I'm not a lesbian either."
    She put one hand on her sassy, tightly-clad hip.  "I knew you were in the LGBT community.  Deep down I knew the moment I saw you."
    "LGBT?"  What the heck?  She couldn't use acronyms too!
    "Oh never mind," she said.
    "I'm married," I yelled after her and a few people turned.
    "Then why in the world were you hitting on me?" she yelled back.  I just caught Cade's eyes before he started laughing into his drink.
    On the way home, I didn't say much to him.  "So," he finally broke the silence, "you staying out of the blog story . . . it didn't work too well.  Did it?"
    "No,"  I said.  "I'm never going to judge someone as being a PS-er again, though.  She judged me with an acronym, too.  She thought I was a LGBT . . . lesbian!"
    "Nice," he laughed.  "That's just epic.  You shouldn't have worn that hoodie." 


  1. Love your pics, lol. There really are a lot of PSers out there. It's sad on so many levels. Great post :) Thanks for sharing.

  2. This makes me never want to even potentially be a PS person lol.

    Also... this PS Princess sounds like a bit of a B lol. I mean... way to react much :D Maybe next time you'll succeed in not being part of the blog story? But I think we all love it when you are

    Happy New Year.

  3. Apparently skinny jeans are the only pants in style among the teens - except the ones still showing their underwear. Adults should put on regular pants. Just saying.

  4. hahaha PSing people just want to leave you a little something extra to talk about. I say she did a good job. She PSed herself up and left you a P.S. for a great blog entry, with some Lesbian action to boot..haha

  5. This was both funny and thought-provoking. I always feel a bit sorry for PS-ers, they have made life about being noticed and will go to unfortunate extremes. I can't help but think that something essential was missed for them along the way. This was a GREAT story. Happy New Year.

  6. OMG!! A new term for me...the PS-ers...and meaning of and famous. I was definitely on the wrong track with you--ROFL!! And I guess I won't wear hoodies to parties. I'm not married, either...too risky! ROFLMAO!!! I'll be giggling about this one for days.

    Happy New Year!! :):)

  7. Hahahaha! I love that you weren't left out of the blog story! My friend Chrissy and I always got mistaken for a lesbian couple. I was always long haired, perfect makeup, and girly clothes while Chrissy has very short hair, can take or leave makeup, and dresses like a tomboy. One time we were out shopping and she couldn't take the looks anymore so she broke down and bought a sparkly headband to try and 'girl' herself up more! We did have some fun with it sometimes though.

  8. I'm kind of lame (or maybe smart). I refuse to suffer for beauty. Except wearing nylons/tights. But no too-tight pants or dress or skirt. No small steps when walking (which is why I don't wear my heels when I'm going to be in a hurry and following my dad :P). None of that.

    Seriously? You're a lesbian just because you wear a hoodie and you gave her a compliment? The meaning of life is to be rich and famous? She sounds EXACTLY like the bimbos that Tessa tries to avoid on this ABC series I watch called "Suburgatory." If you haven't seen it, this show basically portrays the suburbs as plastic, trendy clothes-wearing, rich country club members. Women wear heavy make-up and emphasize tanning, men work while women are homemakers, men golf in their spare time. Tessa's single dad is a new concept to them. It's fun to watch.

  9. ha ha ha....P (pretty) S (sassy)

  10. This is one of my favorite stories! And only you could tell it this way!
    Happy New Year. Fill it with more of the love you've shown all of us this year!!!!

  11. That was funny! I can't say that I have ever met any PS-ers, but when I read this it reminded me of my time in Florida and how when my friends and I would go to a bar, some dude would always try to pick me up.

    So I feel for her... ;) jk.

  12. I hate parties. We only have one signal. It's the "We need to get out of here before I start killing people" look. You know it when you see it.

    Sorry I haven't been around lately. Free time is in high demand, short supply right now.

  13. It could only happen to you!

  14. With my luck, if I ever wore pants like that they'd split open like a ripe watermelon!

  15. Yes I can so relate to PS's well not really as I am not a PSer I like to wear clothes that fit and I am a bit to fat to wear tight clothes I would look really stupid.......but I have seen some really large people wearing really tight clothes and wonder why on earth do they wear such clothes do they not have mirrors or do they look at themselves through rose coloured

    Now for being mistaken for a lesbian that is funny but what the hell does LGBT stand for yes I know I sould thick not know so shoot me but first tell

  16. I googled it to make sure ;)
    It stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender" lol This is still so funny :0)

  17. In northern California we don't have so many of the PS-ers as they do in SoCal...up here we call them "Hollywood". Blech.

  18. I'm with Joshua. The only signal I have is the quick glance at my watch "can we leave yet?" signal.

    It's rare I do a mass social gathering where I don't start killing people with my mind in novel ways.

    Although the lesbian thing is pretty funny. I have a (straight) friend who used to get that all the time.

  19. wow! PSers lol!!! :)
    loved this one...
    and HAPPY NEW YEAR elisa.....
    wishing you all success and good health:)
    i m taking a break:) will soon be back
    take care

  20. *LOL* Okay...I wear "hoodies" all of the time. Let me get it on record: I am happily a lifelong "straight" person. Just sayin'.
    It is funny though how one can perceive people or things, based upon images or other people's perceptions.
    I do agree however, no one should wear really tight clothing. It's just silly.

  21. My friend & I kid around about being a lesbian couple all the time. We were at a Walmart & I was unloading our cart at the register & she she said, "You're so strong & powerful" & I lowered my voice & said, "Thank you, honey". I paid for my things & loaded her purchases & mine into the cart & told her I was going outside for a cigarette while she paid for hers. She apparently didn't hear me because she looked around & asked the cashier where her things were. The cashier replied, "Your--your--uh, your FRIEND took them out."

    Another time, I fell & broke my wrist while playing golf with her. She drove me to the ER & the doctor told me I had to remove my engagement & wedding rings because my hand was going to swell up. I took them off & handed them to her to hold for me. She said, "You've been promising me these rings forever & you had to break your wrist for me to get them!" You wouldn't believe the look that the doctor & nurse exchanged!

    Unnecessary (I hope) disclaimer: WE ARE BOTH STRAIGHT!

  22. Oh goodness Elisa! You have all the best stories to tell! Ha! Way too funny. That would make the perfect scene in a movie..really it would! Sorry to say, if I was in Cade's shoes I'd probably laugh in my drink too.

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