Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Is there anything worse than a . . .

    Check my tabs for info about my book, "The Golden Sky" and a chance to enter the iPad2 giveaway.   

    The dog disappeared down the darkened hallway.  The atmosphere dripped of greed and death.  I knew I shouldn't go closer, but my bedroom rested at the end of that hall, and sometimes the best part of the day is when I get some sleep.
     So, defying my own intuition and fighting the good fight, I walked closer.
    Have you ever been someplace where you shouldn't have been?  I have, like the time I dated a younger guy with a big butt.  Well, this reminded me of that time--just scarier!  It was like every horror flick I've ever seen (I've only seen two).  But seriously, I was alone, in the dark; I'm a girl AND I HAD SHORTS ON!  If you're watching a movie and the girl is alone and she's wearing shorts, or just her underwear, you know she's going to die.  It's practically the kiss of death.  So, if you're a woman, LISTEN UP; don't walk alone in the dark, in your underwear--especially outside, Hollywood AND statistics say that's a bad idea!

    Anyway, I worried for my dog then.  That husky is never quiet.  She's always wild and crazy.  Something must have happened to her . . . in the hall, with the collar.  

    I stepped closer, completely worried.


    Darkness consumed my thoughts.  Why hadn't we gotten the stupid light fixed?  Why hadn't I locked the back door?
    Now I couldn't see a damn thing and our dog was in trouble!
    My dog's life flashed before my eyes.  She'd been such a cute puppy--she still was.  We've only had her a few months, but she makes life fun.  
    Who cares if there was some dog-killing villain in the hallway--I have a shotgun--if that jerk hurt my dog, he would pay, redneck style!
    A noise hit my ears after that--a terrible sound one makes while exhaling a final breath!  
    I wanted to call her name.  Luna? I whispered with my heart.  Was she okay?  But I kept my concern in.  I wouldn't let the killer know my exact location.
    I didn't shake.  I didn't even seem fearful, just mad.  
    If there's one certain thing I've learned about people, it's that you don't make a mother OR A PET OWNER mad.
    I rushed to where my dog must be.
    Then a smell enveloped me, burning my eyes and nose.  I knew something BAD had happened.  Worse than darkness, worse than death because there's nothing more disgusting, more vile . . . than a dog fart--truly--unless you're in a dark hallway with it and you're wondering if it's more than it seems.  
    So, that last breath, it came from the wrong end.  And there wasn't enough light to check for poop on the floor.  My dog licked my face after that.  She had no idea I'd almost had a heart attack! 
    She was alive, which was amazing, but I'm willing to say, it was still a rocky start to the night.  Thank God it's morning now!

    Have you ever gone through something like this with a cat or a dog?  Is there anything worse than dog farts?


  1. I stopped the dog from eating baked beans last night, but he still ate some. He was locked in the kitchen all night last night.

  2. hahaha oh those dog farts can be deadly and those smells that come from the litter can be just as deadly, if you don't get to them they linger, sooo thankful for my ocd with that..haha

    It's good that after only two horror movies you know the golden rule, but soo glad you defied their logic and lived.

    Is worrisome with them at times, 99% of you know their okay and around but you still have to know. Especailly with the nutty cat goes and locks himself in the fridge...haha

  3. Bumper Kitty passes gas ALL THE TIME. You can actually hear him fart. It is obnoxious and I swear you can see air coming out of his rear. Peanut calls it Sass Gas...

    BTW - My mom is reading your book and loves it! Can't wait until I get some "me" time to read it myself.

  4. Ugh...I've almost met death by dog fart so many times, it should be a world record...lol

  5. With our crew here, I am ashamed to admit it, but the dog is one of the many gas-passers.

    "...time I dated a younger guy with a big butt"--now that is a classic.

  6. So glad it all came out all right! Bwhahahaha!

  7. No there is nothing worse except for beer farts, and stew farts. Lord preserve me from mean and animal gas. Sigh.

  8. oh, our dog has been terrible lately.

  9. LOL!!! I cracked up during this post. All that hype for a dog fart. To be honest, I have 2 weiner dogs and I didn't even know they COULD fart. I should be greatful my dogs don't have that bad of gas. hahaha

  10. I have 2 dogs so double the farts and one of them tends to be particularly ripe.

    Also one of our dogs has this habit of sleepin like the dead...seriously, there have been a few times I've nudged her and nothing, again and same response. I'll be there wondering how to break it to the family that the dog is dead when suddenly she'll open her eyes, yawn, and give me that reproachful "why are you bothering me?" look.

    As an aside: you've only seen two horror movies!? You might want to avoid ever hanging out with me because that's pretty much all I watch. :)

  11. See, I need to tell hubby to read this post. This is why I have a cat! haha, that was an awesome build-up of tension, I started wondering if I should call you and make sure everything was okay about 1/2 way through it. :)

  12. Try 6 dogs farting one after the other. It's sounds like a Handbell group, only without the bells, and with toxic fumes instead.

  13. Heels and going up stairs are also deadly...though not as deadly as dog farts.

  14. When she served her family whatever it was for dinner, I was reminded of our dog, Pepe, when our kids were growing up. Pepe would eat anything--he used to nose around & pick out tidbits while I swept the kitchen floor. One night I served meatloaf, which I thought tasted fine. My husband & kids said it was terrible. Bud said not even the dog would eat it. I, of course, said, "Oh, yeah?", took his plate & put it on the floor. Pepe came over , sniffed it & walked away. I never forgave that dog.

  15. Okay, I will laugh forever on your dated a younger guy with a big butt comment!!:)

    Loved this!

  16. Yes, I have and no, there's not!
    So sorry.

  17. Yes. The cat's breath and the husband's farts. Seriously, if I didn't know better I'd swear they'd both been eating dog food.

  18. I know something worse than dog farts. Harper got out of the back yard one evening in Illinois, and I could not find him. Thank Heavens he came home in the wee hours of the morning. But he reeked of skunk. HE'D BEEN SPRAYED! I put perfume all over him and let him get in bed with me and didn't care about the stench. My boy was home. We took many showers together while we worked on getting rid of the odor.


  19. Dear Elisa,
    Thanks for the scary story as well as the video. It was a treat to watch.
    As to the cats, right now I can't think of anything they ate or didn't eat that seems funny. But it's nearly 11 pm and I'm operating only on maybe one cylinder right now. The internal battery needs recharging!