Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I saw my ex-boyfriend today

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    I didn't really see my ex today; I saw him last week.  The funny thing is that he didn't recognize me.

    But let me back up; I need to start this in a different place.
    I woke up really early that day.  Cade had to leave on a business trip, so I got up and for the first time in my life--practically--I did my hair and makeup.  
    After Cade got up (late), he didn't give me his regular goodbye.  He didn't even really look at me.
    Honestly, I don't know what I was looking for.  Maybe I just wanted him to stay a moment longer and wish he didn't have to go--who knows--I'm a woman--this emotional stuff confuses the crap out of me too!
    Regardless of that, he was in a hurry AND really stressed about work.  It was still hard though.  Instead of a kiss on the sassy, red lips, I got a peck on the cheek.  He hugged me halfheartedly, grabbed his boots, didn't even put them on and ran out the door.
    "Love you, Sweetie," he said.  "Your hair looks nice.  I wish we had more time, but I'm late."
    I was alone in the cold doorway.  The damn tank top I wore seemed terribly inappropriate, and I hate crying when I have mascara on.
    I watched him speed away.  The man didn't even wave because he was putting his boots on as he drove.  Now, looking from a regular person's point of view, he was late.  From a woman's POV--what the Hell was he thinking!
    The Scribe and Hippie woke up since I was clanging and shoving dishes into the dishwasher.
    "Wow," the Hippie said, and was so excited to see me all done up, she insisted on taking a couple pictures. 
    "So we can always remember you this way," the Scribe said.  
    That made me feel like my normal appearance sucks worse than pond scum.
    The point is that, these are the pictures she took:

    Maybe it's sad how I can fake "doing all right" even when I'm sad . . . I need to work on that.  At least my feelings always come out in my writing.

    And this is what I normally look like:
Minus the bill.  
P. S. Isn't Melynda awesome!  I LOVE that woman!
    You get the point . . . I hardly ever wear makeup.  My hair stays in a ponytail.  I'm just one of those fun-loving, natural girls who would rather spend hours writing, than fighting with a hair straightener.  Maybe I should do my hair every once in a while though--moderation in everything?  After all, I do have a theory that everyone can look nice, if they just try.  For some it takes a few minutes.  For me, it might take hours because I suck at applying base!

    So, back to the point, I thought Cade had lost that loving feeling.  He didn't call me.  He didn't notice my powdery skin!
    I ended up taking the kids to tumbling later that night.  The Scribe got out early and I took her over to the gas station to get a cookie.
    That's when I saw him, my ex.  He walked right past me, turned, glanced at me again and smiled.  THAT MAN had no idea who I was.  I mean, I'm not asking for an award or anything, but am I that unmemorable, or did I never wear makeup even then?  If he did recognize me, would it have killed him to say "hello?"
    Anyway, I didn't tell him who I was, or say "hello" either (because apparently I'm a hypocrite). 
    "Mama," the Scribe said, "who was that man?"
    "Just someone from a long time ago," I said.
    "He sure keeps looking at you.  I bet he remembers you, or thinks he knows you." 
    "He doesn't recognize me." I laughed.  "My hair isn't in a ponytail."
    We got the cookie, came back out and that man was still in his vehicle.  He looked at the Scribe, it was this strange look.  I still don't know if he recognized me, but that look he gave the Scribe and then me, like he'd always wondered what happened and finally had a sense of closure.  He nodded, smiled, then drove away.
    "He looked a lot like Daddy," the Scribe said.  "He seemed nice and happy, but I'm glad you picked Daddy."
    "Me too, even if he doesn't notice my makeup!"
    "Did all of the guys you knew, look like Daddy?"
    "Maybe some of the guys I dated.  But most of them were named Jonathan, Mike or Adam.  Seriously, if a guy asked me out, I knew he'd probably have one of those names."
    She laughed so hard.  "When Daddy told you his name was Cade, were you surprised?"
    "Oh, yeah," I said.  "It was almost a world record.  Plus he charmed his way into my heart.  He had a big black biker jacket.  He could play the guitar, oh and his voice . . . he used to sing all of the time and his voice could just carry you away."
    "Eew," the Scribe said and I stopped talking.  I missed Cade so badly then, I wasn't even mad about him rushing out the door earlier that day.  
    My phone rang as we got into the car.  "Hello?" I said.
    "I just got reception.  It was the longest day . . .  You looked so beautiful this morning.  What was the deal with that, you know I have to leave, so you got all dressed up to celebrate?  I bet you looked nice all day and I wasn't even home.  Who are you trying to impress, anyway?  You never dress up like that when I'm home."
    I smiled, this huge smile that wouldn't go away.  "You noticed my makeup?"
    "And you were feeling a little jealous?"
    "Oh yeah," he said.  "I have to leave, and you go make yourself look nice."
    I told him how I'd been feeling and we laughed.
    "So, after ten years, you still love me?" Cade asked.
    "Of course!  What about you?"
    "I saw my ex today," I said.  "I'm not sure if he recognized me, but he looked awfully happy.  I heard he recently got married.  I'm happy for him.  But he looked so happy, it made me wonder . . . are you sure you're happy with me?"
    "Yeah, why?"
    "It's just that when I go after something, I really go after it.  There's no halfhearted efforts from me.  When I tied you down . . . I really tied you down.  We've had five kids . . . a house by the time I was nineteen and you were twenty-two.  
    "That ex, well, he probably doesn't even have kids yet.  That could have been you."
    "And miss out on a life with you . . . never."
    It's one of the sweetest things he's ever said.  The day started out terrible; it turned into a mystery when I saw the ex (did he recognize me); but it ended with the best line ever.
    I guess everyone has times like this in their marriage, where both people just need a little extra attention.  
    The next time we go through this, I'm going to take a break from whatever I'm doing and see if there's something Cade needs.  
    I'd felt lonely, worrying about myself . . . I guess I didn't realize that Cade felt the same way too.

    Have you ever gone through something like this?
    Have you ever ran into an ex?


  1. When I was in college, I went to visit a friend who went to the same college who had gone to the same church and high school. When I got to her place, my "most epic" girlfriend from high school was there visiting for the weekend. We chatted for a few minutes, and I kept it civil. Then she blindsided me by bitching about my tattoos. I shrugged, said whatevs, and walked away.

  2. I've been married for eight years and we've both taken each other for granted at times. It's not possible to maintain the level of lust that we had in the earlier years, life gets in the way. We still fancy each other though and make the effort to appreciate each other. The important thing is acknowledging that we are sometimes distracted by other things in our lives and understanding each other. Here endeth the lesson. And you look gorgeous.

  3. I only ever ran into one that I can recall and I went the other way. Scary obsessive one, really didn't want to deal with her ever again..haha

  4. I loved your happy ending! What a wonderful moment for the two of you...and a funny one for your ex!
    I am not on speaking terms with either of my ex's but I did have one show up to my work about a month before Branden and I moved to Scotland. The first thing he did was ask if I already was married or was still engaged...*gag* Then he gave me a check for money he owed me from 6 years ago (ok so it was $50 short but who remembers details like this!) and told me he was getting divorced and if my marriage didn't work out, give him a call! I stormed back into my office and stared at my computer screen trying not to scream and throw up all at the same time. I only have 2 ex's but that's enough for me to be grateful for living on a separate continent!

  5. I love the relationship the two of you have cultivated. So strong and ever growing. Keep it up. What you have is rare and beautiful.
    Happy Thanksgiving, dear friend.

  6. This story made me smile. So now when he comes home you need to get even more dressed up so he won't feel as jealous. That's the problem with getting all done up; you always need to top yourself.

    Have a great Thanksgiving!

  7. Awwwww . . . Cade loves you. You look so pretty in those pictures, but you always look beautiful. Since I married young, I had only one serious boyfriend before getting engaged. He was so evil that I wouldn't let my daughter apply to the university where he's a professor. She looks just like me and I didn't want her anywhere near him. I know what happened to a couple of non-serious boyfriends because I googled them. One is very successful, but I saw his picture and oh my goodness he is not the long-hair pot smoking guy I knew. He looked so conservative and boring. All of my boyfriends seem to have gotten old. I don't know why when I'm so young.


  8. I've run into a couple of ex's. The one that surprised me the most was at a fair and we just sort of gave each other "the nod" and kept going since we were both with new people.

  9. I've never had any serious ex's since I started dating my husband when I was 15. I HAD dated other boys before--OK, so I was a slut--I mean "friendly", but not OVERLY friendly, if you know what I mean.

    I think you would look gorgeous even if you had been mud wrestling & I'm sure Cade does, too! When he looks at you, he sees not only your body, but your soul, too.

  10. LOL...we do that kind of stuff all the time. I always think he doesn't notice or miss me, but he'll get home and say the sweetest things. I forget too, that he's really busy, running late, or misses me. Today I got all dolled up to have my pictures extremely rare occurrence....and I could tell by his voice on the phone that he was excited to get I probably should do it a little more often, but I just love to sleep so much...hahaha

  11. Btw..I've successfully avoided my exes for several years, and I plan to keep it that way until I'm a super famous writer with a guest spot on the Today show. Just so when he asks what I've been up to, I can say, "Ya know, being famous and stuff." hehe

  12. I don't know why, but I cried when you got to the part about Cade's phone call. I guess all women "get it"!!! Who cares about silly old exes when hubbies love us like that!!!
    Thanks for sharing this story! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

  13. You are just too cute. You know what, it is funny, but I never notice if you have makeup on or not. You are just so cute with or without. LOL Not many people look as great as you do without makeup. You are sooooo one of the lucky ones. I seldom wear makeup, but I am certain that there are people out there that wish I would.

  14. Girl you'd look good in a paper bag covered in trash. Sow down and breath. No one EVER forgets you!

  15. You are very cute (I hope the word doesn't offend you) and I'm SURE he noticed you. It would be impossible not to. I do hope you and yours have a great Thanksgiving. Nice story, with a happy ending even. :-)

  16. Loved your beautiful and sweet story. You are beautiful, with or with out makeup. Yes, life has a way of getting in the way sometimes, and keeping us too busy and distracted from the things that are really important. It's nice that the day that started out kind of crappy, ended up so sweetly.

  17. Heh, I run into my exes all the time. Friends with pretty much all of them on Facebook. I'm lucky in that I don't think I ever had a bad breakup.

    Great story, by the way. Glad it had such a happy ending.

  18. What a great story. Thanks for sharing it. If I ever ran into my ex and she didn't recognize me, I'd breathe a sigh of relief ;0

  19. I just know I am going to run into an ex on one of those days when my hair is greasy, I have no make up on, and I am in frumpy house cleaning clothes. I will be mortified, becuase there is always that part of us that imagines we will run into them and we will look like we have just stepped out of a salon.
    I dont think you need to worry though, you look beautiful with or with out the bill :)

  20. This post almost made me cry! I have definitely had days like this with my husband. I love reading your views on marriage and love. Whenever you write about your husband I can almost hear the admiration in your typing. It is so refreshing and inspiring!

  21. Yes. And it makes me think about how things might have been. It's good to get a reality check sometimes-that we made the right choice!

  22. What a great story. You are always beautiful Elisa. It’s funny how our miscommunications can lead to such misunderstandings. Glad you guys opened up about it. One of my significant ex’s found me on FB a year or so ago. He had been in a serious motorcycle accident a few years prior and suffered some minor brain trauma. When he awoke from his coma he temporarily thought we were still together. He’s now completely disabled and so we’ve stayed in touch. But it’s a difficult path I tread, wanting to give hope for his rehabilitation and keeping the husband happy.

  23. Tony tells me I look hot when I have crawled out of bed after a night cleaning up after sick kids. When I do actually attempt to look nice, I get nothing. NOTHING.

    The other day I was looking at the wedding pictures and you can see it in his face. I am really good for him, WE are really good for each other. And you can see it in our faces.

    As for the ex boyfriend... Yes. He was on my roof on Monday and Tuesday. :) And when he called me to tell me the roof was done, he said, "By the way, Tony's a great guy. You did real good this time."

  24. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!?
    You are so FREAKING GORGEOUS!!!!!!
    I hate/love you!
    That was a fantastic story and you are truly so very blessed.
    But I'm not jealous really because you deserve it.

    As for exs' don't even get me started on those!

  25. so sweet. isn't it funny how insensitive we THINK men can be when they feel the exact same way we hubby and I had a "moment" recently and it taught me to be more sensitive towards his feelings...anyways, at least Cade told you your hair looked nice before he left.

    My hubs always tells me this when I gripe about not getting a compliment from him when I actually "try" to put myself together;

    "You know how it works, if I don't like what I see you'll hear about it, so the times I don't say anything it means 'I'mma likin' what I'm see'n'"


  26. wonderul post:)
    you and melynda simply look stunning!!!!
    of course! sweet ladies are always beautiful:)

  27. any1 can look great if they try!!
    well i guess u hear it enough, but my, ur a natural..

  28. I hate running into the ex soooo much, especially when I'm with my husband and we have that weird moment when he growls and smiles and I act like it's no big deal. Crap, those are the longest most distrubing moments. Great blog though!