Monday, September 24, 2012

Prospective Friend Questionnaire

Remember my last post?  How we were going to California for a book signing and to meet Fishducky in person?  Well, we're here!  AND although we won't meet Fishducky until Tuesday, she sent me a questionnaire.  My answers are below.  
How would you have answered these epic questions?

    Why do you want this position?

There's only one Fishducky and although she's famous, she's not on Wikipedia yet. I actually searched for her there and I couldn't believe what Wikipedia "suggested" I search for instead. It's terrible, really:

This problem needs to be remedied--and as a friend I would fix this and write a Wikipedia article about what a "Fishducky" really is. . I'd also like the position--because Fishducky is awesome--obviously.

    Have you had friends previously?

2a)  If so, why did you leave them?

(I accidentally read this as: If so, why did you have them?)

Yes, because they let me make cakes, brownies and other desserts for them. They also generously allowed me to buy them massages and other gifts any time I wanted to.

2b)  How long did you have your last friend?

People who like my cakes and gift certificates have stayed around for months--even years!

    Would you be willing to work overtime if necessary?

                 That depends on the size of the cake. I'll make a four-layer beauty to keep friends, but I'm not willing to invest more time than that.  Also, I only purchase one massage a year--since I'm not as rich as J.K. Rowling.

    What was your previous salary?

4a)  There is no salary involved.  Would that be a problem?

This has never been a problem. I'm actually used to paying my friends to stick around.  Wait . . . am I missing something? Should this be a problem?


5)  Are you able to give me total loyalty?

5a)  Would you be willing to lay down your life for me?

I would lay down my life for you, but it depends on how. I'm not much on gunfire--or regular fire--I don't like suffocating (although I've yet to try it). I don't agree with drowning.  I'm also against humans, hurting each other or themselves. If it involves anything else, possibly jumping out of a plane for you (if I have a parachute) I'd probably do that.

          5b)  If not, why not?

See above explanation.

    If we had an argument, would you admit that I’m right?

             Yes . . . I mean, if that's how you'd answer this question. However you'd answer this is right.  Right?

Bonus question

What is the meaning of life?

Conrey & Ghosh have conjectured . . .

In other words . . . 42

But I beg to differ. I looked it up on Webster's and this is the meaning of life: "the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual."

            Why are people always asking about the meaning of life when it's right in the dictionary?