Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Heifer Lover and the Heifer Hater

    I came up with a great idea; I would prank call my brother.  I browsed various applications on the computer.  There were robot voices.  Voices with accents.  One internet program had an option to type your own text and then call the person right from your computer.
(If you're curious about this, 
just google "prank call computer programs.")
    So, I wrote a CRAZY message, quickly typed in my number and thought it would be fun to hear the prank (personally) before sending it to my brother.

    For more information on the Blog War I'm having with my brother, please click here:

One, Two, Three, Four, I Declare a Blog War

Or here:

   After I saw that insanely hilarious video of a cow giving birth to me, I knew I had to pull out the big guns.  
    A prank call would work perfectly.  

    So, back to the story.
    I typed in a crazy message which said something like:
  You hate heifers?
No, I'm talking here!
Why do you hate heifers?
I wanna know.
Are you on Atkins or something?
Don't mess with a lonely cow!
You love the red meat,
but then . . .
YOU HATE heifers!
Yep, I said HEIFERS!
It's you.
Wait, what?
You heifer hater! 

    Like I wrote above, I put that message in the internet program, set the voice for "fast speed" and "Italian accent."  I quickly typed my number and hit "call."
     Cade's cousin was with me.  We waited patiently, a bit excited.  Then the computer said, "Waiting for connection.  Calling . . . calling . . ."
    "My phone didn't ring," I said.
    "That's weird," Cade's AWESOME cousin said.
    "Still calling.  Call IN PROGRESS!  SUCCESS.  Your prank call is being heard."
    I blinked hard and looked at my phone.  "The ringer's on.  It didn't call me though.  What's going on?"
    That's when I looked at the number on the computer screen.  I put my hand over my mouth and gasped.  "Crap!  I typed my number wrong."  I pointed at the screen.  "I typed 687 instead of 678."
    The prank call continued far longer than it should have.
    I was able to tease my brother later, but through the entire day I couldn't stop thinking about the poor stranger I'd pranked.  That's when I knew I should call and apologize.  I tried once and got her answering machine; I promptly hung up that time.  The next time I got a real answer though.  
    Here it is--oh and the video is a bit dark, so I made a slideshow for you to watch while you're listening to the call.  Here's the slideshow and the movie is below that:

Basic dialogue (in case the sound isn't very loud):

Woman:  Hello.

Me:  Hi, ummm . . . I prank called you today.  I just wanted to call and say, I am so sorry.

Woman:  You, what?

Me:  I accidentally called you today.  Did you get a strange call talking about how you were a heifer hater?

Woman:  That was you!

Me: I'm so so--

Woman:   You just don't go around CALLING PEOPLE HEIFERS!

Me:  No I--

Woman:  How could you do that?!  Who told you to call me?

Me:  No, I accidentally typed the number wrong.  Your number is really close to another number.

Woman:  Right . . . Right.  Look, I have been trying really hard to lose weight and the last thing I want to do is answer my phone and have someone constantly calling me a heifer!
   Really who calls people heifers anyway?  People in third grade!  We are NOT in third grade.
Me:  I am SO SORRY.  No, but I mean, I wasn't calling YOU a heifer.  I said you're a heifer hater.  
    It wasn't even  for you.  My brother just keeps calling me a cow.

Woman:  Right.  So YOU'RE going to call someone else and tell THEM they're a cow?  I mean really?  Do you expect me to believe that?

Me: I do.

Woman:  Seriously.  Seriously, who told you to call?  . . . Give me your name and we'll be done.

Me:  I just called to tell you I am so completely sorry.  And I didn't call you a heifer.  And I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Woman:  Right, and who are you anyway?

Me:  I am . . . I am NOT a heifer hater . . . that's who I'm not.

Woman:  So, you're a heifer lover? . . .  Awesome.  I am so glad you're proud of that.  So, wow, that is super fun.  And I'm gonna let you go so you can go love on your heifers!  Okay?!  BYE!

Me: Ummm *giggling* bye

I hung up and looked at Candiss (the ama-ZING cinematographer).
    "What do you think of that?" I asked.
    "Wow, that was awesome.  Of all the people to call . . . a heifer hater."
    "And to think, I'm a heifer lover.  I never knew."
    "Wow," she said.
    "Wow," I echoed.


  1. Hahahahahahahhaha... Oh goodness, Veal...what have you done?

  2. It could only happen to you!

    Thanks for the early-morning laughter that had the cats running from this room!

    As a vegetarian, I have to tell you that I love heifers but I don't eat them!!!!

    And watch out for prank calls--going and coming.

  3. Next time ask someone to type and/or dial the phone for you. It's too hard to do with a hoof!

  4. hahahaha oh what fun from just screwing up a digit or two. Might have to give that a go.

  5. You have nerves of STEEL! I can't believe you actually called to apologize! That's amazing of you! And that was just hilarious...Oh my goodness, keep laughing.

  6. That's hilarious!! I don't think I've ever done a prank call...yours seem to be one gone completely wrong. Well technically it was still a prank call but to someone else :)

  7. I just watched the video again and it STILL makes me flush LMAO! SOOOO embarrassing. *giggles*

  8. This is why I usually double check before hitting SEND. And even then, an accident might go unnoticed. You poor thing!

    Did you at least send the prank to your brother?

    And I agree with regectedriter: you are brave! NO WAY would I call someone to apologize for an accident like this. Then again, I've never prank called anyone and sent "myself" a practice call first :P

  9. This is what comes of denying the truth. Give up now little miss cowling, before someone gets hurt. Your messing with cow powers beyond your reckoning.

  10. And I thought I was the only one who got in trouble standing still...



    Bring it on--we're not afraid!

    Signed: Fishducky, Chief of Staff (self appointed), Army of Elisa

  12. omg - i don't know if that was supposed to be funny.. but damn, it sure was.

    Murphy's Law and all... maybe that woman needed to hear that message, eh?

    Maybe she had been cheating on her diet or something..

    hahaha... I;m still laughing.


  13. lol I'm laughing my butt off right now. Only you.

  14. That's pretty funny. You gotta love it when people are suspicious of an apology. Years ago, before cell phones and caller id, we used to get calls for pizza delivery because it was only one number off too. Only once did I tell somebody that their pizza would be ready in 10 minutes. Thanks for the smiles.

  15. You are too silly! You are the only person I know who would feel compelled to call the person you pranked by mistake and apologize. Her response was priceless!