Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Art of Telekinesis

    I still have a friend from junior high (can you believe it--it's epic).  I absolutely love the girl.  She's sweet and funny.  She lives in Arizona now, but we still see each other every-so-often.  She's a great person, really, but has changed with the years and now she has an obsession with telekinesis.   Dun dun dun!!!

    Let's call my friend something nice and fancy like . . . Octavia.  So, she came to visit.  She was very sweet, although completely uncomfortable around my children.  At one point she asked, "Is that normal?"  She pointed to my three-year-old.  He'd just whizzed in the bathroom and had decided to dance naked in the front room.
    "Yeah, lots of guys do that.  Haven't you been to Vegas?"
    She raised a brow.
    "Seriously though," I said.  "He'll grow out of it.  As long as he doesn't do that next year, then I'm good to go."

    By the way, well not really, but you know how I wrote "he'd just whizzed?" Well, I looked up "whiz" to make sure I spelled it right and I found this interesting cleaning product:

    Is that the technical term for pet pee--pee whiz--I never knew.

    Back to the point, Octavia was pretty freaked out by my kids.  She never wanted to marry, and has no pets.  Her days are spent working alone in her home.  The woman isn't used to being around other people, let alone people like me AND my wild children.  In fact, she's worked from home, for years.
    "Do you want something to drink?  Coffee, milk, coke, diet coke
. . . water?" I asked.
    "Yeah, that would be awesome.  Do you have any water from the tap?"
    "Sure."  Who doesn't, right?  I got her some water, and put it in one of my only two nice glasses.  My kids have broken all the other ones.  Around here you either use a coffee cup or a sippy cup--it sucks, but it's life.  (My advice, go for the coffee cup!)
    I gave her the nice glass and thought how I must really like her because I only use a "token glass" when really cool people are around.
    I almost wrinkled my nose as I gave it to her though because I hate water.  Sure, I kind of need water to survive, but it's clear, it's tasteless (unless you drink it at 2 am), and to me, the stuff isn't anything compared to coke or coffee. 
    She winked at me after I gave her the glass.  Then she set it on the table and stared at it.  I'm not talking a normal stare, there's probably a Hebrew word for what I'm looking for, but not one in English yet.  Let's just say, she meditated at my glass.  It was freaky.  If someone ever looks at me like that, I'll whiz (just like my boy did), then I'll turn into ashes!
    "Is there something wrong?  Oh, gosh, is the glass dirty?" I asked.

    "No," she shook her head, and motioned my kids toward the glass.  "Just watch."
    The moment lingered for a long time as my children ran around and Octavia stared at the water.
    I am not a quiet person when I'm uncomfortable.  I'll shoot the bull about anything and everything, just to get my mind off of weird things going on.  I'll talk about embarrassing moments.  I'll tell people about my great-grandma's dentures, how I know a guy who went to jail--anything to lighten the mood.  Octavia seemed pretty tense too, so I asked my kids to go watch a movie.
    Everyone else went downstairs, but The Scribe stayed, "Okay Mom . . . Except what are you doing?" she asked Octavia who had put her hands to her temples and closed her eyes.  She leaned really close to the glass.
    "Are you okay?" I asked Octavia, but she didn't respond.  
    "Octavia . . .  Octavia?" The Scribe said, but got no response.  "She's in a coma, Mom!  That's awesome!  I've never seen a real coma before."
    I rolled my eyes, and didn't know what to do.  Maybe Octavia had been living alone too long.  Just before The Scribe was about to open one of Octavia's eyes, the woman moved and The Scribe jumped higher than Michael Jordan.  
    "I'm not in a coma," Octavia said blandly.  "I've been reading some amazing books like The Celestine Prophecy and books on mastering telekinesis."
    "What's that?" The Scribe asked.
    "When you can move objects with your mind."
    "No way," The Scribe said, pulled up a chair and stared at Octavia instead of the water.
    "Octavia, you can't be serious?" I laughed.
    "I knew you'd respond this way.  You're one of my oldest friends, and you're laughing at me now. It's real though, it is.  I've seen the masters levitate objects."
    "Really? Where?" The Scribe asked.
    "On . . . youtube."
    "Oh," The Scribe said.
    "But there were no tricks.  You could tell because it was in a poor city and there were no props."
    A poor city, what did that have to do with anything?  I suddenly laughed again and said, "If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."  
    Octavia didn't even smile at my joke.
    Awkwardness pervaded after that.  Octavia and The Scribe continued staring at the water, which didn't change into anything except agua.
    I didn't know if she was listening, but I told Octavia about Miss Priss and "The Wave".  I told her about some of the silly things that have gone on lately.  When I finished, she looked at me and said, "How odd?"
    Seriously?  Was that telekinetic, water-lover saying I was . . . odd?
    When it was time for her to leave, she shook The Scribe's hand.  "Keep practicing.  Someday you'll be even better than me."
    Better?  She couldn't even do a thing.  Hell, I'm better at telekinesis than she is.  I say move and my kids do whatever I ask!
    Octavia turned to The Scribe one last time.  "I can't believe I couldn't move the water," she said.  "I did it once, I swear.  The masters say it's easier to move liquid instead of solid objects first."
    I smiled and walked her to the car. "It was nice to see you," I said.
    Octavia paused.  "You know why I did it?" she asked.
    "Did what?"
    "The telekinesis thing . . . I tried doing it because I want you and your kids to like me.  You lead such colorful lives.  You always have.  I don't
. . .  I don't have anything, anyone really.  I just thought if I could amaze you with my creativity, maybe I'd be as neat as you are."
    I hugged Octavia.  Sure she's a bit strange, but the point is that we've known each other forever and usually when people are doing something weird, it's because there's an underlying issue.  For poor Octavia, she wanted to feel important.
    "I think you're amazing," I said.  "You're sweet and kind.  You work so hard and you even take time out of your life to come visit friends and family.  You don't need to try and amaze me because you already do."
    She got teary-eyed and smiled.  "Maybe I'll try something else next time.  I knew it wouldn't work, but The Scribe did seem to like the idea."
    "Wait . . . you were just playing?"
    "Yeah," she nodded.
    "Oh my gosh!  I thought you were serious."
    "No!"  She giggled.  "You probably thought I was crazy.  I just remembered the Boggarts and the cloning potion you told me about.  I thought you and your kids would love this for sure."
    "I think they did." I smiled.
    So she left, and I don't know what to do. Maybe Octavia's really lonely on top of everything else.  I'd love to buy her a kitten or something. 
    I walked into the house after that.  The Scribe had set all my kids up with a glass, coffee cup or sippy cup of water.  "Now just stare at it," she said.  "Try not to blink.  Just stare and the water should start moving like in those space movies."
    My kids stared then.  Sure, the baby got on the table and put her hands in the water, but everyone else stayed put.  
    Now I know why people love telekinesis--it's much better than the quiet game!

    In closing, what do you think about Octavia? Do you think I should try doing something to help her feel better about herself?         
    What she told me before she left almost broke my heart.  I must say though, I'm glad she wasn't serious about her belief in telekinesis. . . or was she?


  1. This was an exceptional story of friendship. I'd say the best thing you could give her is your consistent contact and kind heart. That makes such a difference in a lonely person's life.

  2. She misses you and maybe sees she's missing out on alot of things in general when she sees your awesome brood.
    I'd try to do a girls day or night out with her. She might just tell you more too...

  3. All you can do is to be there for her.

    Did you know there are a lot of people who would like to be more like you? You enjoy life so much!

  4. Firstly, I don't think Zombie Elf will grow out of the naked dancing stage (either that or I need to get my husband checked!)
    Secondly, that woman gave you the best gift ever! The ability to put your kids into a 'coma' is a wonderful and beautiful thing.
    Thirdly, because she gave you this coveted gift, I'd say to maybe try and contact her a bit more frequently and a kitty could be nice (and if the kitty doesn't work out just send it to me!!)

  5. Stephanie said, "I'd say the best thing you could give her is your consistent contact and kind heart." Padded Cell Princess said, "try and contact her a bit more frequently." I think both these women have heard your story and understand that your friend needs you simply to be a friend.

    In yesterday's newspaper, one of the columnists--Jenee Osterheldt--wrote about finally finding the man she will soon marry.

    Here's part of what she said, "It has taken time for me to choose a man who wanted to know me instead of the idea of me." That's what you, I think, were telling Octavia. That you loved who she is. That she didn't need to try to fit some idea she thinks you may have of her.

    She needs, I think, assurance that she, herself, as she is, is enough.

  6. "Better? She couldn't even do a thing. Hell, I'm better at telekinesis than she is. I say move and my kids do whatever I ask!" Best line in the story (humor wise) in my humble opinion.

    Contact is really what she needs. Just a simple show of love.

  7. Being her friend is already a lot :) but maybe you can try to spend more time with her or know...make her more social :)

    and your kids are hilarious! :D

  8. Octavia!! She shows up in many forms, yes? She needs lots of hogs. I mean hugs. She needs hugs, not hogs. =)

  9. Ahh bless that woman for gifting you some quiet. Her technique was a little strange, but the execution seemed flawless for what she was shooting for. And just so you know...

    ...I typed this entire comment with my mind.

  10. Awww I really like this story, for so many reasons. I think you should invite her to your home more...I hear "colorfullness" is infectious!

  11. You all have the best advice. Who needs a shrink when I have you LOL!

  12. As someone who lives in Arizona, I can assure you its the heat. She'll be allowed outside again before you know it.

  13. Sweet girl. You are truly a gift. She may have believed it and she may not have but your heart and earnest love and compassion are what draws so many people normal and strange to you. I say maybe give her a little attention. After all you have changed this introvert and are helping me step out of my box. I thank you for loaning me your courage and your companionship.

  14. So I don't really know that much about friends and friendship, but I do think you should do something nice for her. Maybe go visit her or something. Not sure how she'll take it though. A couple years ago I lived with a friend and at one point voiced my concerns about her spending too much time with her boyfriend and not enough time on her schoolwork. But instead of saying "Thanks for your concern but this is when I do home homework" she told me that her life was her business and I needed to stay out of her life. Although she was a bully to me the entire year so maybe that was just her...

    To be honest, when I was The Scribe's age, I probably would've been fascinated by Octavia's "power." So she definitely succeeded :)

  15. aah way to go on helping her come out of her shell:)

  16. I agree with everyone above. I think you did the best thing for her by telling her that you love her for who she is! I would invite her over again or go see her more often. But, your house is probably better if the kids will be there. ;)