Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What is Hump Day?

    Today, Wednesday is hump day.  We all need to get over this "hump" in the week; that's why I thought my story of the day should be about a dog with . . . problems.


    Most male dogs have issues with excessive humping.  Once they're fixed, one hopes the problem will fade away like a bad fart, but that's not always the case.  In fact, I've heard that if a dog isn't "nut"ered before their sixth month birthday, the problem will persist.
    So, my youngest aunt, who's actually quite close to my age, has a dog with problems.  You can't walk into her house without being ATTACKED.  The dog is huge, bigger than Jonah's whale, and I don't appreciate getting assaulted every time I go over there.  It's one thing for a little dog to act that way, but when a dog weighs as much as I do, chances are, I'll fall to the ground and have a tough time getting away.  
    I don't want to go into further details, just know, it's quite embarrassing at family functions! 


    Anyway, the last time I got knocked to my complete doom, I shouted, "Auntie!  What is wrong with your dog?"
    We sat down for coffee after she herded her giant out of the patio door.  "Well, it's a hard story to tell."
    I sipped my coffee, wiped the dog drool from my face and clutched after EVERY word.  "And . . ."
    "Well, I brought Lucy to a kennel.  It was a cheap kennel; the price alone should have been a red flag.  But I was going on vacation and I wanted to save some money."
    I'd never seen my Aunt act like that.  What in the world had the kennel workers done to her dog?  I blinked hard because I hate animal abuse! 
    My Aunt continued.  "Lucy went to the place, and when I got back home, she had problems.  I think the low income dogs at the kennel . . . " She took a deep breath.  "I think those mutts took advantage of  my Lucy.  She's been acting like this . . . like a harlot ever since."
    I nearly choked on my coffee.  "And you don't think it was consensual?"
    "Absolutely not!"  She sat up straight, visibly offended. 
    "But Lucy is a dog.  I mean, aren't all things like that, consensual with dogs?"
    She shook her head.  "Not with my Lucy!  She's been fixed for years.  She never dreamed of acting like this until I brought her to that kennel!"

    So, I decided to have a guest interview about this pressing matter.  I interviewed Cade's gorgeous, sweet cousin.  
    Now, as you watch this, keep in mind, Cade's cousin had NO IDEA about the vlog topic I'd chosen.  I love her reaction to the question.  She is sooo much fun!

    What do you think?  Was Lucy a consensual dog?


  1. I think those dogs in the kennel taught Lucy a thing or two AND she liked it!

  2. hahaha sure it wasn't consensual, let's stick with that theory..riiight...haha

  3. LOL

    I realize I've read your blog before...followed you here via twitter.

    Join me at the Rule of Three Writers' Blogfest!. All genres welcome.

  4. Hahahaha! Your story was hilarious enough but the video was the icing on the cake! I love Cade's cousin's reaction...priceless! Your story reminded me of the time my bro-in-law told me and Branden about the neighbor's big white dog that chased him down on the road, knocked him to the ground, and had his way with my poor sweet little bro who was only about 12 at the time. Branden and I are so sympathetic, that we still to this day, pee our pants with laughter over this story!

  5. For a "fixed" female dog it's never consensual. haha An unfixed bitch however is a different story although is becomes non consensual once the um act is in progress because it's painful.Now that you have been educated in the act of dog um shall we call it "love" Lucy was definitely raped. Wow ackkkkkwaaard and yet I'm singing it as I say it. haha

  6. Did they jump her in the shower? That's usually the place in prison gang-bangs.

  7. Do female dogs, or Bitches as they are called, hump? Is she maybe a lesbian after her served sentence at the kennels? I am seriously confused now...what else is new?

  8. Strange, did not post....ha ha ha, you would have liked what I wrote too. I think she is a lesbian now....Yep, I love Lucy....LOL!

  9. That's exactly what I'm saying lol What was wrong with the dog? Plus, she made me feel like an idiot. There's nothing worse than getting beat down by a girl.

  10. I'm amazed it went down like that. We have three boy and three girls dogs in our pack. Lazer our most recent addition, a ginormous Siberian, about 1 yr. old, just got fixed 2 weeks ago.

    When he was in the mood for love and went after of the girls here they just smiled broadly at him showing him all their teeth. He knew enough to back off after that.

    And no, I don't think it was consensual.

  11. if the dog had water and was fed and looks good, then the sex was probably consensual:) haha. actually, her dog is probably just 'acting out' dominance issues from being around so many dogs in the kennel. it has nothing to do with sex but not wanting to be the low dog.

  12. I have no opinion because the problem is foreign to me. That sort of thing does not happen with us ducks!

  13. Hahahahahaha.... I don't even know how you managed to say "...and her dog got...raped." with anything like a straight face..LOL Sharing this with the Twitterverse.. Don't worry, PETA isn't one of my followers..hahaha

  14. Hilarious! But actually--female dogs as well as the boys (neutered/spayed/intact) all may "hump."

    It's not always about sex. Mostly it's about who's the boss. And yes, I'm serious! (in my other life I'm an animal behaviorist...)

  15. Okay, I can't relate. Not a dog lover or an owner. But Lucy the Humpin' dog makes me proud of my decision to say hell no to my kids. LOL!

    The Substantive Mom

  16. Oh, you're too awesome. Seriously, just too awesome. How do you come up with these things?