Thursday, February 28, 2013

3 Pick-up Lines that DO NOT Work

Facebook can be a real dream.  But, it can also become a nightmare. Strange foreign men see any friendly profile pic and are compelled to hit on it.
    I've been married for a long time, been with Cade since I was 17. Some of these pick-up lines have shocked me.  Is this what the online dating scene is like?  God forbid.
    
    Let me tell you about three especially bad ones . . .

#1
I've always had a special feeling for my mother. 

STOP . . . 
Is this a pick-up--or an attempt to say they're STILL a mama's boy?
Resume . . . 

You remind me of her in face and heart. I'd like to meet and see if we have a bond. You smile tells me we do. Let's message each other.

Hmmm . . .  YOU smile tells me we do.  Well, my smile says that I'm married--his wording tells me he doesn't speakie English very well. AND in the picture he attached of  his mother . . . Well, I'm surprised he said our faces match.

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#2
My wife died. You remind me of her.

This emailed called to me--the poor man!  But honestly, do I just have a familiar face, or what?  I continued reading, thinking this was just a kind email, not a pick-up.  Boy was I wrong. 

I think her spirit dwells in you. We lived a long life together.  I can see her joy in your eyes.
I would like to date online and know you more.

If a message like that won't creep someone out--I don't know what willMy shaky hand clicked on his profile picture.  The guy was a highly decorated military man who was about 9,000 years old! 
 
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#3
I like you. I think your a virgin.

I'm a writer, don't send a writer something with an obvious error like "your" vs. "you're"--unless you're approaching them for grammar lessons.   
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    Now onto the obvious offense behind this facebook message.  WHAT THE HELL?  A virgin?  And to think, I thought my army of children clued people in.  Having a baby is like shouting from the rooftops--I've had sex--I lost my cheery, people!  It's actually a bit embarrassing at first--if you want to know the truth.
    But making a strange claim like this, made me feel as if he'd take me--a thirty-year-old--to the slave sex exchange!  Are they taking thirty-year-olds with no boobs, and lots of character?  If so, I'm terrified.


 Is this really what the dating game is like these days?

13 comments:

  1. YOU MEAN YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN? I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I thought all those kids belonged to your neighbors. And you made a funny mistake: You lost your cheery instead of your cherry. I bet you lost both at the same time.

    Love,
    Janie

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  2. I swore off the internet back in the early days because of the crazies ... but that was before pictures and blogging and the better stuff.

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  3. So storks don't deliver kids? Damn, where have I been. And shame, saying about grammar and then going all cheery, the stalkers really got you flustered hahaha yep it is scary online dating.

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  4. Were you cheery while you were losing your cherry? We'd all like to know!!

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  5. Wow...number 2 is ridiculous. I made the mistake of adding a random girl (who I thought I knew from high school) on facebook and she preceded to send me multiple messages asking to hang out. Her last message, before I blocked her, was her suggesting that we meet at Subway the following afternoon. People are odd. Great read :)

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  6. LOLOLOLOL!!!! That was a Freudian slip if I've ever seen one :) *still smiling*

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  7. I don't know about those pick-up lines. The only line from anyone that I remember after my husband's "Will you marry me?" is from science-fiction artists I have met that have asked me to pose in the nude for them. I don't think I would have accepted even when I was thinner!

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  8. Um. No. Dating is scary and weird... but not that weird. Honest.

    Although, I've been off the scene for a while now myself...

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  9. So funny. I obviously have totally the wrong kind of FB profile picture as I have never had this trouble. Mind you I am forever getting dubious Spam from women.

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  10. These pick up lines are terrible! I would not want any pick up line that started with someone's mother. I would be creeped out! These are funny though!
    ~Jess

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  11. I've been with the Big Tuna for over 30 years. No more pick up lines for me.

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  12. Dear Elisa, having never been part of the dating game I have no idea if things are different today from what they used to be. What would be a good pick-up line--then and now????? Peace.

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