Friday, February 22, 2013

Two Choices: Forgiveness . . . or Damnation

This is a continuation from the past two days.
To read Part I, please go HERE.
To read Part II, click HERE.

I'd made a choice, picked a mortal man instead of an eternity in Heaven.  When push came to shove, the man picked money over me, and now I'd melted into a sobbing mess in the middle of a white room. . . .


 photo blindinglight_zps3608b75e.jpg

The rest of my dream:

A blinding light entered the room.  "YOU feel betrayed?  How do you think I feel?  YOU traded an eternity in Heaven, for a mortal man!"
    I tried quelling my own sobbing, gritted my teeth and gazed up, hoping not to seem afraid.
    A figure stood there, glowing brighter than the sun. I slammed my eyes shut again and the glow brightened so that his presence still blinded me even behind closed eyelids.
    "Yes!" I yelled, even though I should have stayed quiet.  "I feel betrayed because I WAS betrayed.  What's it to YOU?" 

    "Oh, Elisa!  You have no idea what true love can be or what it should be."  The light levitated toward me and a searing-hot hand branded my shoulder.  "Let me show you love."
    Someone's memories shot through my mind, but nothing I'd fully remembered or been aware of.  I saw myself as a fetus, just a blob as time sped forward and I slowly took shape in my mother's womb.  
    Then I saw myself playing soccer as a kid.  Except that damn blinding light was in the stands, even right next to me as I scored a goal.   
    After that, time sped forward to high school exams and dances, even to a night when a guy almost raped me.  Right as I'd been about to scream, a cop knocked on the guy's truck window and saved me.  I saw the blinding light standing by the cop, there once again.  And the police officer made sure the guy drove me home!
    Then I saw myself as a homeless kid when I was 17.  I wore utter rags, playing my violin, hoping just to make a dollar and some change so I could buy a Big Mac.
    That light was there, guiding people to give me change!
    The moments went on and on.
    Through my good and bad times.  My wedding day.  The births of my babies.  All the stupid violin gigs I had where no family or friends had shown up--the light. Was. There.
    When my son died, and I had to pull the plug.  That light embraced my son's soul as he drifted toward the ceiling.  And to think, I never knew what happened to my boy's beautiful spirit.
    And I realized . . . I wasn't alone.  I was never alone.  And I've been so loved. We. All. Have. By the One who created us.
    I saw myself crying, deserted in my house, after my husband and I split and my kids were with him for the weekend.  I'd felt so desolate . . . but that light--that damn light was always there.
    Even when I dated a married man, wishing beyond anything that we'd work out. . . .  And I'd begged him to be with me. . . . behaving like a pathetic loser.
    Or when I felt so inadequate I got implants.  
    Or when I worked extra graveyards as a security guard, just to buy groceries and Christmas presents for my kids.
    The light didn't care about my failings or how many times I'd fallen.  That light, was love. And love . . . is God.
    The hand left my shoulder and I felt the glow of forgiveness lighting up my skin.  It didn't hurt like before, but rather healed ALL my sorrows.
    "Oh, God," I said to the Light of Understanding, that same Light still next to me in the room.  "I'm so sorry for choosing something, anything, or anyone, over you.  How could I forsake the One who made me?"
    A big breath left my chest.  More tears flooded my eyes as I stood and prayed for forgiveness.
    "Elisa, never forget this.  Never forget this love.  It's inside you, can be inside of everyone who lets God in."
    "But, God.  I chose a man over you!  How can you forgive me?"
    "Because I've always been there; I always will be. And I know your heart."
    Then the words from John 14:27 filled the air:

I am leaving you with a gift,
peace of mind and heart.
And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.
So don't be troubled or afraid.     
~New Living Translation
  
    The light faded, leaving me in the dark, yet still brimming with hope. THAT was the end of my dream.  
    I've only had a handful of life-changing dreams in my life, but this was definitely one of them.  And although I know it might not speak to everyone, it spoke to me.  I hope it'll bless someone else's life as much as it's helped me see things in a different perspective.

Yeah, life can suck, but God's love will get me through.