Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Doctor Jones and the Fountain of Youth; Part I

    In September I got a gray hair--trust me I remember the moment VIVIDLY!
    In October, I got another gray hair, then something weird happened to my hip.  The doctor said I need to take care of it, or I could end up as an old lady who needs a hip replacement.  
    P. S. What the hell was that about?  I'm twenty-eight.  I don't want to hear about the hip replacement I'll need when I'm in diapers!
    Anyway, the doc made me realize, though; I won't live forever--shocker.

    In November, my two gray hairs got married and multiplied.  Then to top everything off, FIVE wrinkles decided to stay on my face--permanently.  I didn't notice them until my mother pulled me aside and sweetly said, "You're almost twenty-nine.  Now is the time to start taking care of your skin."
    Is twenty-nine the age of death or something?  Did I miss some vital piece of information.  I thought I was supposed to hold a funeral for myself when I turn thirty NOT twenty-nine.
    "Seriously?" I asked her.
    "Look is this mirror," she said and pulled out a mirror that made my nose look as big as my head.  "See those laughter-lines around your mouth--you've been smiling A LOT.  See those questioning lines on your forehead?"
    "Thanks, for this inspirational talk, Mom."  The Scribe and Hippie walked into the room at that point.  I wanted to smile at them, but I didn't--smiling made my wrinkles worse--I gave them a thumbs-up instead!  "So, what am I supposed to do about it, other than never use that mirror again?"
    My mom studied me, tapped her cheek and nodded.  "I have just the thing."
    The Scribe, Hippie and I followed my mother like she was a mystical apothecary who lived in an ancient castle.
    "Ah.  That's it!" she said.  "This will keep you young."
    "What in the world . . . is that?" the Scribe asked, breathlessly.
    "Regenerating skin cream," I read.  "By Olay."
     "Oh, my gosh," the Hippie said.  "Olay!  It's practically magical."
    Later that night, the Scribe and Hippie whispered.  "Now we know grandma's secret!  We have to find that skin cream."

    To be continued tomorrow . . .


  1. Your kids make me wish for my own. For now I'll just continue to live vicariously through your blog posts and laugh at their antics!

  2. Uh oh...hide the cream!!!

  3. Regenerating skin cream sounds harmless enough. I'd worry if they got hold of some VANISHING cream!!

  4. I had that freak out moment when I turned 30 this last year. I'm not fond of it...yet...I keep reading all these amazing women who say, they fell in love with being in their 30's but I'm still struggling with the idea that I"m no longer in my 20's. I never thought I'd every make it this far. haha!

    Oh dear! Your kids are at it again! I'd hide the skin cream! I can't wait to read what they are going to do next! can tomorrow come in 5 minutes?? haha.

    JadeLouise Designs

  5. I'm a year younger than you and hardly slept at all last night because both of my hips were aching all night long! Is this nature's conspiracy against young people!?!

  6. lol! That magnifying mirror in the photo has been banned from my house. That thing is evil! Pure evil!

  7. I wonder if the skin cream can make another one turn a color. Valentine's day is coming up, maybe you want a red skinned kid this time...LOL

    I had one of the women at work walk up to me and say you got something in your hair, then gave it a yank and oopsy it's a grey hair, ***th..lol

  8. i've been finding a few grey hairs for a couple of years now. although there aren't a lot, it's not comforting to know that in a few years, i'll likely have to dye my hair for differnt reasons instead of just for fun!

  9. This may sound strange, Elisa, but here's what you ought to do when people try to make you feel bad that you're "getting old."
    Pretend you're blind!
    LOL, just close your eyes and tell them you don't notice any difference in whatever it is they point out.
    I will be forty in a couple more years, and aging does not bother me in the least. This is in no way a claim that blind people don't care about their looks, because this one certainly does. I love going to the spa, getting highlights in my hair, etc., but aging just doesn't . . . BOTHER me like I think it bothers some sighted people.
    My Mom told me I had a gray hair, and I think I was about 26. My response was, "Really? . . . Hmmm." LOL, that was all I could think to say.
    I can't wait for the end of the story tomorrow.
    Have a great day.

  10. Grey hairs!? I'd be happy for ANY hair, grey, green or otherwise. :)

    I will say that one of the good things about being a guy is not really having to worry about these things. We look "weathered", "seasoned", or even better "grizzled"...but wrinkled? Nah!

    And another multi-parter!? You remind me of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. They're two of my favorite authors but they have this near maddening need to end their stories on cliffhangers. ARGH! :)

  11. Ha ha ha, I remember when my mom took me aside and gave me the same talk, now I am 53 and I am glad I listened to her. Alot of how we age though is hereditary so if your mom looks good most likely you will too at her age :)

  12. My beauty secret is sleeping with my head in a vat of aloe vera. Of course you have to pinch your nose shut and use a snorkel while you sleep but it can be done. I don't look 95.

  13. I'm sure you still look amazing, don't let those magnifying mirrors make you feel bad!

  14. Stage 1 (28 - 35) = Olay
    Stage 2 (36 - 40??) = Estee Lauder

    Olay worked awesome for me until my later 30's, now I am into the heavy stuff!

  15. Haha. I'm 46. I'm sure under the dye ALL mine are gray.

  16. Wait until you turn 40. I'm with Tracy. I used Olay but now have the pricey salon stuff. You should get a facial, especially if you want to keep smiling. :)

  17. PS--A word of warning: It is not only the hair on your head that eventually goes gray--& you can't dye ALL of it!

  18. I can't wait to hear what those kids have to say next! My co-author's husband would tell you to stay away from the mirror (Stephanie has one and her husband hates it). She notices all kinds of lines and marks that only a crazy magnifying mirror can see! I am in my 30s- and I remember my first gray hairs- luckily there is hair dye. Fine lines- laugh lines- well, they only bother me on myself. I think on everyone else they show character. Keep smiling. Using cream is good too! :)


  19. Im 55. Its the jowls im worried about. Ekyard

  20. So funny! We will all get wrinkles if we are so lucky to live that long. The choice is whether to have the smile/laugh lines or the scowl/frown lines. Smile, baby!! Smile!!! :)

  21. You are too funny!! I'm 23. I've religiously put on antiwrinkle cream since I was 18!! Bring it on sun damage :P hahaha

  22. You make it sound like wrinkles from smiling are a bad thing.

    Doctor Jones is mentioned in the title but not in the post. Scribe and Hippie very obviously have something up their sleeve. This'll be interesting to read (as always :P)

  23. Have you ever heard that life is like a warm bath, it feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay in it the more wrinkles you get? I am going to fight for every last wrinkle as long as I can.

    Oh, by the way, Sister P is sending me some cream for the Hippie that she bought in Germany. Don't think it will help with wrinkles but it will heal little chapped hands!

    Love those kids! You keep me in stitches with their stories, OOPS! You made me smile, just got another wrinkle! LOL!

  24. Hate to tell you this kiddo you are gonna have laughter wrinkles just like me. How can you help it with your munchkins making you laugh all the time. Don't sweat it. You look so young. As for having a burial party when your 30... What the heck! Are you going to bury me while your at it? I'm 39 lol

  25. I remember 29.

    I believe gray hair or hair loss in my case is in direct correlation to a rising IQ. That is my story and I am sticking with it.

  26. You are so funny, I really like the nose as big as your head line :)

  27. I'm looking forward to finding out what happened next. I'm also inclined to say listen to your mother. I wish I'd paid more attention to my skin when I was 28. :-)

  28. Im pretty sure laughter lines arent a bad thing. At least they aren't lines of constipation....