Wednesday, January 2, 2013

conquering the world . . .

Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world, with or without my blow-up bra. Maybe I haven’t offended anyone with my honest memoirs or my child-like words—today.  Take the woman who said my son would still be alive if I had more faith . . . or the person who tried converting me to Mormonism as my son took his last breaths.  I wrote about them and those words were published—every juicy, damn thing.  Yeah . . . people were offended—like I was so many years ago.  The circle of pain.  But I closed the circle, by hurting them too. . . . Does that make it okay?     
    There are some days when I feel at peace with my choices because I hope my honesty will help someone else. Plus, maybe no one cares that I say the wrong things at the wrong times, or that things come out wrong. And I don’t have to worry about my faults because it’ll be fine—someplace else.
    Then there are days like today. . . . When I get yelled at by complete strangers who don’t care that it’s been a long week, or decade.  And I only had time to put mascara on one set of lashes before the kids were tugging and pulling, begging me to take them to the store.  Most strangers don’t care.  Instead I might walk out of the grocery store and some jerk will be cussing because he says I parked too close to his car.  The truth is, he’s old and has a patch on his left eye because he got some type of surgery. And even though he weighs more than a scale can count, he blames me since he can’t get into his car.  He keeps screaming, calling me a “B” and then switching to the F-word.  Truth is though, he can’t see me because of that stupid patch and the fact that I’m jiggling the keys—frantic—on the other side of the car.
    So I feel like a pansy and decide to be brave. I go to the other side—that used to be my blind side—and I look that mean man in the face.  And he kind of softens like I’m not the type he’d expect.  So I stare into his eye—just the one.  And I’m not even nervous anymore because he probably has this problem a lot, you know, being overweight and sick.  So he has to park close to the entrances—but can never get back into his car after people park.
    “I banged your door,” he mumbles.  “But it’s your damn fault for parking so close!”
    I don’t care anymore that my kids were pulling on my favorite pants—the only pair that cost full price AND don’t have holes.  I also don’t care that my head hurts and makeup only lines one eye.  I kind of bite my lip and whisper. “It’s okay about my door. It’s just a car.  I’m sorry I parked so close.”  Even though it wasn’t really all that close at all.  “Happy New Year.”
    His good eye squints, scrutinizing everything about me.
    Then I get into the car and the man crosses his fatty arms as I drive away.  But as I look in the rearview mirror, I swear the guy was biting his lip too, feeling bad for being so mean, to a stranger.


  1. It is sad that people find such outlets for their frustration; venting out at complete strangers just to ease their own tied up mind. I have played both the roles, I guess. But I try not to get bogged down by my overwhelming irritation or the fact that someone is pouring theirs on me.

    I loved reading your post.

  2. Yeah, I think he did feel bad ... serves him right that you were Kind to him ...

    I also feel revengeful sometimes, mostly in desperation ... and then feel guilty

    ... and then OK.


  3. Yeah everyone has such times, as frustrations come due from us or those around us. But all can't say they have a blow up bra haha

  4. You handled that much better than most would (me included).

    This where one of my odd habits pays dividends in that I am able to avoid the above scenario. I like to park away from everyone else and make long walks to the destination. It drives everyone else in the family nuts, but I'm a creature of habit (allows me to scan the parking lot, identify potential morons, etc.).

    I just have to be careful that I am not overly judgmental; certainly a problem in today's society.

  5. Just keep on being you, my sweet friend. Your honesty and authenticity, raw emotion is one of the things I love about you and value so much when I read the things that you write. Happy New Year!!!

  6. You should feel good for writing the truth in your books. If some people were "hurt," then that kind of hurt is called embarrassment. You helped people by being honest, and the embarrassment of a few fools is not the end of the world -- not theirs, not yours. God bless you for being kind to the man who yelled at you. It sounds as if he needs to apply for a handicapped parking permit.


  7. WOW! You did good, mate. It always stumps them when you react with a quiet and reasonable reply. YEA!!

    Margot's FREE Kid's BOOK CATALOG:

  8. I could not get into my car at the post office but the driver was still in the other car and backed up so I could get in.

    I love that you write the truth. I loved "Homeless in Hawaii" even more than I thought I would.

  9. In my experiences, the only way to hurt someone is if the person actually can see that they were wrong. Case in point, my ex thought I deserved to be spit on and harassed, stalked and interrogated. Therefore he was never hurt by my claims, he thought he was right and just. The ones who do feel bad, KNOW they are wrong, and there's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully it will make them grow as a person.

    I leave my house everyday with my hair in the messy pony, still wet even though it's 16 degrees out, no makeup, and most likely in my sweats or pajama pants. It is what it is. If someone passes judgement on me because of that, that s their issue. And the bonus is that they all assume I am stretched too thin, so no one asks me to do anything extra, watch their kids, or bake cookies for the bake sale. Then I can pick and choose. :)

  10. It's the same the world over - hurting people hurt. Congratulations for doing the right thing. Your act of kindness made this poor man think about his actions. Happy New Year - Sue Cross

  11. I love your honesty and your spirit. I know how much easier it can be to lash back out and none of us get it right every time but I think you changed that man today and that is a start to making this world a better place. Thank you. XO Nicole