Thursday, January 3, 2013

I'm Like a Bag of Sugar

"You're like a bag of sugar," my husband said with a sultry gaze that DID NOT fit his statement.

    "A bag . . . of sugar?" I asked, walking across the kitchen.  Our four kids had fallen asleep and it was the perfect opportunity to tease Cade.  "Are you calling me a bag?" I looked toward the pantry.
    He nodded, his gaze faltering a bit. "But in a good way."
    "Really. How big of a bag?  A huge, burdensome bag that no one wants to haul inside?  The kind of sugar no one has room for in their pantry--let alone their lives?"
    "Ummm. . . ." He stepped back. "The perfect size."
    "Perfect as in flawless, or pity-me perfect?" I asked and he blinked.  "And sugar?  Why did you pick sugar?  Because I can't get a tan? And I'm blindingly white?"
    He blinked again.  "You don't have tan lines--that's good, right?"
    "Why are you suddenly asking the questions.  I'm the one who should be insulted here.  You just called me a bag . . ."
    "Of sugar.  A bag OF SUGAR.  I was trying to say you were sweet."
    "Past tense?  I was sweet?"
    He gulped, and his confounded look broke through my act.  I nearly fell on the floor, laughing so hard I could have peed my pants.
    "You were joking?" he asked, edging to the other side of the kitchen table.
    I finally stood, still laughing. "Yeah.  Thanks, Babe, for saying I'm like a bag of sugar." After wiping the tears from my mirthful eyes, I sauntered over to him.  "Best compliment ever."
    He shook his head, still unsure.  "Fine. I gave you a compliment. Now you can give me one.  What food do I remind you of?" he asked.
    "Well--" I cleared my throat.  What was HE playing at? "You remind me of . . . of . . . " I looked around the kitchen, stalling for time. There were some doggy treats on the counter--that wouldn't work.  Or the miniature wieners--that'd be the wrong choice as well.  What about butter--too soft.  Eggs?--too feminine.  Pudding--too mushy.  Sardines--wait, who bought sardines?!  Then I thought of how he makes life shine and how everything is better with him around.  He's the icing in a triple-layer cake--the cream-cheese filling that holds everything together! Or the sweetest part of my morning mocha. "You're like whipping cream!" The words just came out.
    "Why?" he paused, his mind obviously whirring.  "Because you think I'm whipped!  That you can walk all over me? Tease me, constantly?"  
    "What? No!  How could you twist that?  Whipping cream, ya know.  I meant you're fun and special and . . ."
    "Fattening?"  He smirked then, such a freakin' Casanova.
    I cleared my throat.  "You win.  That's it, we should never compare each other to food, ever again."
    "Agreed," Cade said, still smiling as we walked hand-in-hand out of the damn kitchen.    
    And to think, I used to love sugar and whipping cream; now I hate them. 

    If you had to compare yourself to a food, what would you pick?

    I want to be like potatoes, because they're freakin' delightful.


  1. Hahahaha I loved this! I would hope to be a mango because they are always a wonderful surprise. :)

  2. You all are brutal on each other.

    Hmmm...I think I am like a Mexican food dish: spicy, dependable, but too much of me and you will definitely be headed to the bathroom.

  3. Awesome! I love this kind of back and forth.

    As for myself : pizza because depending on the day it can be a little bit of everything, good or bad,...minus maybe anchovies. :)

  4. Miniature Wieners...ha ha ha ha ha! Good one.
    Loved this!

  5. Why do this to each other? I guess it is fun. Well sugar is sweet, bag or no bag. Ask if it is a bag of regular sugar or confectioners sugar as it is a little bit sweeter.
    Strawberries are the best food to be compared with at least for me.

  6. Chicken works for me, lol, although may not proof to be a good name to be called, and potatoes, ewww, take the sugar.

  7. I am like sugar--too much & you go into a (diabetic) coma. I wouldn't mind being like potatoes, except for the shape!!

  8. Star fruit - because it is shaped like a star. My husband says cheeseburger describes him.

  9. A huge bunch of grapes. Mostly sweet until you get that sour one that makes you run screaming into the next room.

    Great blog. I look forward to coming back! :)

  10. Well, today I felt like warmed over nacho cheese. Tomorrow I aspire to be warmed over enchiladas. Those always seemed to be better received by most people..:)

    Or an optimistic tater tot.

  11. I love the way you tortured him.

    Coffee. I'm told I'm like coffee (err--with creamer in it I guess?)--something about being stimulating and keeping a man up all night (Yeah. Right), but still a girl's got to take those compliments where she finds them . . .