Thursday, January 24, 2013

You ordered hot? I ordered mild!

The very handsome Indian waiter sauntered over to our table.  His strong hands held the platter at shoulder level.   
    My mouth nearly watered as steam twisted from the vegetable curry dishes my mother and I had ordered.
    Mild curry, there's nothing quite so wonderful!  "Thees ees being a mild curry deesh for you, Ma'am," the waiter's accent entranced my mother--I swear she'll never think of an Indian telemarketer quite the same.  "With theese bee-bee carrots, onions, ceelery and peas. It ees being glazed in a perfect sauce."
    I gaped at the man, then my mother.  I tried not giggling because it WAS hysterical.  The man practically jumped from a soap opera's set.
    The restuarant's music jangled and clanged.  I closed my eyes for a moment and inhaled the scent.  To think--the entertainment made me smile--and I'd get my mild curry next!
    "And thees . . . " he said turning those chocolaty eyes on me while sliding my plate onto the table. "Thees ees your veery, veery spicy hot, hot curry."
    Now back up.  
We just went from this:

To this:

 To this!!!

    I was taken aback.  I could tell him of his error OR light my intestines on fire.  But I never correct people, so what was a girl to do?
    My fancy mother immediately cleared her throat and raised a jeweled hand.  "Ummm excussie." (Yes, that's pronounced = /ik'skyo͞oz'i/.)  "Elisa . . ." My mother twittered her eyelashes, smiling widely. "I think you ordered mild."  
    I smiled fakely, saying through suddenly gritted teeth.  "This is fine."
    "You ordered mild," she said, still smiling at me.
    "I'll try it hot." My strained face turned toward the waiter, while my eyes stayed on my mother.
    "Mild!" She suddenly said.
    "Hot!" I countered.
     The waiter's eyes bounced back and forth like balls on a pool table until he suddenly held the empty platter to his side and bent over, laughing so hard I thought he'd forget to breathe!
    "Ohh.  Ohhh," he said, gasping between throaty laughs.   "You Ameericans are beeing so funny."  He pointed toward my food.  "It's jeest mild!  I loved watching your reactions.  I jeest knew teeasing you would be fun."
    He strutted off, his mouth spread with merriment and his white teeth gleaming in contrast to dark, flawless skin.
    As soon as he left the room, my mother and I giggled over our food.  "I can't believe how I reacted," my mom said.
    "And how I reacted too!"
    She mimicked my voice then, "This is fine. This is fine."  
    We laughed about it for the rest of the night.  Before we left the restaurant, the waiter looked up from the front desk and said, "How was your veery mild curry?"
    "Just wonderful!"  I said and laughed, thinking next time I might order my food extra spicy. 

P.S. How do you react when people mess up on your order(s)?