Monday, June 11, 2012

A POST FOR GEEZERS & GEEZERETTES: Fishducky Funday

This is one of my very favorites, Fishducky!  Thanks for joining us again.  I'll give everyone the latest on the Hippie when I post on Wednesday.


A POST FOR GEEZERS & GEEZERETTES

(I wrote this, obviously, when I was 73.  Every word  Most of it  Some of it is true.  Years 74-77 haven’t seen much improvement.)

AN ODE TO BEING SEVENTY-THREE

My legs are sore.  I need a cane.
My body has gone quite insane.
My breasts were perky as a song.
My bra size now is 40-Long.
I cannot hear.  I cannot see.
I have to pee.  Oh, woe is me!
My body’s fat.  My skin is thin.         
I do not like the shape I’m in.   
I cough–I cough until I choke.   
I’m going out to have a smoke.
My bones are brittle, I fear my fate.
I’m liable to disintegrate.
My memory now seems to have gone.
Who is that standing on my lawn?
It’s my husband Bud–or is his name Paul?
I thought he died–I can’t recall.
The thermometer says it’s 63.
I don’t know why it lies to me.
I can’t stop sweating–watch me pour.
My body says it’s 104.
My joints creak and pop so bad
I’m like a steel drum from Trinidad.
Leg cramps woke me again last night.
Why is my skin so loose and my muscles tight?
My health is iffy.  I may not thrive.
But life is good–and I’m still alive!
And yet I wonder more and more
What I’ll be like at seventy-four!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    My friend, Barbara, is a couple of years younger than me.  When someone asks her name, she says, “How soon do you need to know?”  I often march into a room, open a drawer or cupboard & have no idea of what I’m looking for.  If you haven’t done that yet, don’t worry—you will!

If you’re still not sure what getting older is like, this is a good description:


And this one is even better:
   
   

Of course, there are some advantages to aging.  You worry less, like Sadie, below:

And you finally have the time to do things that are important to you:
  
  

  

              

I never realized it, but apparently punctuation marks also get old:
 

 
  Now that I think of it, getting old isn’t really so bad.  All the pressure is off!

  

    My philosophy is, “Don’t worry what people think of you.  They probably aren’t thinking of you at all!”  And, from an email that Melynda sent me, something I learned to do as I got older: “Handle every stressful situation like a dog—just pee on it & walk away!”
   
Here’s a list someone sent me:
   
"OLD" IS WHEN.....
…..Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs & make love," & you say, "Honey, I can't do both!"
..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes & you're barefoot.
..... A sexy babe catches your fancy & your pacemaker opens the garage door.
..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
..... Getting a little action means you don't need to take any fiber today.
..... Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
..... An all nighter means not getting up to pee.


These were just a few of the fragments of my fossilized brain----fishducky


                      PS—Your kids probably see you this way NOW: