Thursday, June 21, 2012

ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE AUTHORS: Fishducky Friday

Fishducky has joined us again with ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE AUTHORS.  This is gonna be good!

    Following is a list of children’s books that didn’t make it.  If you have written one with the same theme, I would suggest discarding it & going on to another book.  (These first ones are copied stolen borrowed from That’s Comedy, issue #0153)


  1. YOU ARE DIFFERENT & THAT’S BAD
  2. THE BOY WHO DIED FROM EATING ALL HIS VEGETABLES
  3. DAD’S NEW WIFE ROBERT
  4. FUN FOUR LETTER WORDS TO KNOW & SHARE
  5. HAMMERS & POWER TOOLS (AN I-CAN-DO-IT-MYSELF BOOK)    
  6. THE KIDS’ GUIDE TO HITCHHIKING
  7. KATHY WAS SO BAD HER MOM STOPPED LOVING HER
  8. CURIOUS GEORGE & THE HIGH VOLTAGE FENCE
  9. ALL CATS GO TO HELL
  10. THE LITTLE SISSY WHO SNITCHED
  11. SOME KITTENS CAN FLY
  12. THAT’S IT!  I’M PUTTING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION
  13. GRANDPA GETS A CASKET
  14. THE MAGIC WORLD INSIDE THE ABANDONED REFRIGERATOR
  15. GARFIELD GETS FELINE LEUKEMIA
  16. THE POP-UP BOOK OF HUMAN ANATOMY
  17. STRANGERS HAVE THE BEST CANDY
  18. WHINING, KICKING & CRYING TO GET YOUR WAY
  19. YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT
  20. THINGS RICH KIDS HAVE, BUT YOU NEVER WILL
  21. THE MAN IN THE MOON IS ACTUALLY SATAN
  22. YOUR NIGHTMARES ARE REAL
  23. PLACES WHERE MOMMY & DADDY HIDE NEAT THINGS
  24. EGGS, TOILET PAPER & YOUR SCHOOL
  25. WHY CAN’T MR. FORK & MS. ELECTRICAL OUTLET BE FRIENDS?

After extensive research, I have personally discovered these other titles while wandering through my mind.  They also fit in this category:


  1. MOMMY & DADDY ARE NOT REALLY TAKING A NAP
  2. JUST RUBBING IT UNTIL YOU NEED GLASSES
  3. RUNNING WITH SCISSORS & OTHER FUN GAMES
  4. HOW TO SHAVE HEADS
  5. HIDE MOMMY’S WALLET & KEYS
  6. FARTING FOR FUN & PROFIT
  7. NEUTERING YOUR DOG AT HOME
  8. KICK-THE-SEAT & OTHER GAMES TO PLAY ON A PLANE
  9. WHY GRANDMA HAS A MOUSTACHE
  10. THAT’S MY TOY—YOU CAN”T HAVE IT
  11. PROJECTILE VOMITING CAN BE FUN
  12. DECORATING YOUR WALLS WITH CRAYONS & MARKING PENS
  13. FUNNY FACES & NOISES TO MAKE IN CHURCH & SCHOOL
  14. WHAT TO DO IF YOUR FACE FREEZES LIKE THAT
  15. IF JOHNNY JUMPS OFF A CLIFF, YOU SHOULD, TOO
  16. HOW TO MICROWAVE YOUR PETS
  17. WELCOMING DADDY HOME WHEN HE’S ON PAROLE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have written any sort of book & hope to have it published, keep in mind that not only the subject matter, but also the title is very important.  Below is a list of books that became bestsellers only after the author changed the title:

What’s the Worst That Could Happen? / Great Expectations—Dickens
Beverly Hills & Compton / A Tale of Two Cities—Dickens
    (Dickens was apparently a slow learner.)
Can You Recommend a Good Lawyer? / Crime and Punishment—Dostoevsky
Huckleberry Argentinian / Huckleberry Finn--Twain
The Grapes of Welch’s / The Grapes of Wrath—Steinbeck
That’s Just Sick!! / Interpretation of Dreams—Freud
Close the Window, There’s a Draft / Gone With the Wind--Mitchell
Romeo and Jailbait / Romeo and Juliet--Shakespeare
Some Pretty Funny Stuff / The Divine Comedy—Dante
I’ll Give Him Five More Minutes / Waiting for Godot—Becket
The Worst Trip Ever / The Odyssey—Homer
Gatsby, You Suck! / The Great Gatsby—Fitzgerald
Those Zany Italians / The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire--Gibbon
Uncle Tom’s Condo / Uncle Tom’s Cabin—Stowe
Boy, Were They Pissed Off!! / Les Miserables--Hugo
Critique of Pure Bullshit / Critique of Pure Reason—Kant
The Big Fat Whale / Moby Dick—Melville
It may surprise you to learn that even the world’s all-time bestseller once had this very same problem:
I Brought My Son Into the Business / The Bible--God


The right title could mean the difference
between this:
 

and this:
    

I hope this was helpful----fishducky