ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE AUTHORS: Fishducky Friday

Fishducky has joined us again with ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE AUTHORS.  This is gonna be good!

    Following is a list of children’s books that didn’t make it.  If you have written one with the same theme, I would suggest discarding it & going on to another book.  (These first ones are copied stolen borrowed from That’s Comedy, issue #0153)

1. YOU ARE DIFFERENT & THAT’S BAD
2. THE BOY WHO DIED FROM EATING ALL HIS VEGETABLES
3. DAD’S NEW WIFE ROBERT
4. FUN FOUR LETTER WORDS TO KNOW & SHARE
5. HAMMERS & POWER TOOLS (AN I-CAN-DO-IT-MYSELF BOOK)    
6. THE KIDS’ GUIDE TO HITCHHIKING
7. KATHY WAS SO BAD HER MOM STOPPED LOVING HER
8. CURIOUS GEORGE & THE HIGH VOLTAGE FENCE
9. ALL CATS GO TO HELL
10. THE LITTLE SISSY WHO SNITCHED
11. SOME KITTENS CAN FLY
12. THAT’S IT!  I’M PUTTING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION
13. GRANDPA GETS A CASKET
14. THE MAGIC WORLD INSIDE THE ABANDONED REFRIGERATOR
15. GARFIELD GETS FELINE LEUKEMIA
16. THE POP-UP BOOK OF HUMAN ANATOMY
17. STRANGERS HAVE THE BEST CANDY
18. WHINING, KICKING & CRYING TO GET YOUR WAY
19. YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT
20. THINGS RICH KIDS HAVE, BUT YOU NEVER WILL
21. THE MAN IN THE MOON IS ACTUALLY SATAN
22. YOUR NIGHTMARES ARE REAL
23. PLACES WHERE MOMMY & DADDY HIDE NEAT THINGS
24. EGGS, TOILET PAPER & YOUR SCHOOL
25. WHY CAN’T MR. FORK & MS. ELECTRICAL OUTLET BE FRIENDS?

After extensive research, I have personally discovered these other titles while wandering through my mind.  They also fit in this category:

1. MOMMY & DADDY ARE NOT REALLY TAKING A NAP
2. JUST RUBBING IT UNTIL YOU NEED GLASSES
3. RUNNING WITH SCISSORS & OTHER FUN GAMES
4. HOW TO SHAVE HEADS
5. HIDE MOMMY’S WALLET & KEYS
6. FARTING FOR FUN & PROFIT
7. NEUTERING YOUR DOG AT HOME
8. KICK-THE-SEAT & OTHER GAMES TO PLAY ON A PLANE
9. WHY GRANDMA HAS A MOUSTACHE
10. THAT’S MY TOY—YOU CAN”T HAVE IT
11. PROJECTILE VOMITING CAN BE FUN
12. DECORATING YOUR WALLS WITH CRAYONS & MARKING PENS
13. FUNNY FACES & NOISES TO MAKE IN CHURCH & SCHOOL
14. WHAT TO DO IF YOUR FACE FREEZES LIKE THAT
15. IF JOHNNY JUMPS OFF A CLIFF, YOU SHOULD, TOO
16. HOW TO MICROWAVE YOUR PETS
17. WELCOMING DADDY HOME WHEN HE’S ON PAROLE

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If you have written any sort of book & hope to have it published, keep in mind that not only the subject matter, but also the title is very important.  Below is a list of books that became bestsellers only after the author changed the title:

What’s the Worst That Could Happen? / Great Expectations—Dickens

Beverly Hills & Compton / A Tale of Two Cities—Dickens

    (Dickens was apparently a slow learner.)

Can You Recommend a Good Lawyer? / Crime and Punishment—Dostoevsky

Huckleberry Argentinian / Huckleberry Finn--Twain

The Grapes of Welch’s / The Grapes of Wrath—Steinbeck

That’s Just Sick!! / Interpretation of Dreams—Freud

Close the Window, There’s a Draft / Gone With the Wind--Mitchell

Romeo and Jailbait / Romeo and Juliet--Shakespeare

Some Pretty Funny Stuff / The Divine Comedy—Dante

I’ll Give Him Five More Minutes / Waiting for Godot—Becket

The Worst Trip Ever / The Odyssey—Homer

Gatsby, You Suck! / The Great Gatsby—Fitzgerald

Those Zany Italians / The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire--Gibbon

Uncle Tom’s Condo / Uncle Tom’s Cabin—Stowe

Boy, Were They Pissed Off!! / Les Miserables--Hugo

Critique of Pure Bullshit / Critique of Pure Reason—Kant

The Big Fat Whale / Moby Dick—Melville

It may surprise you to learn that even the world’s all-time bestseller once had this very same problem:

I Brought My Son Into the Business / The Bible--God

The right title could mean the difference

between this:

 

and this:

    

I hope this was helpful----fishducky