Saturday, May 14, 2011

Someone Thought I Was British!

Blogger had some issues yesterday and today.  Two of my posts got deleted, but they're working to put them back up (without comments).  Here's the link to yesterday if it's still not showing up when you scroll down:
How Your Cell Pictures Define You
Anyway . . . I need to start saving my posts in MS Word.

So back to the point and sorry for the issues ;)

My favorite day of the trip was when we went to the Delta Sky Lounge. 

It wasn't 'cause we got to meet this guy (although that would have been neat):
It was because my Viking dad paid some money, pulled some serious strings, so we could wait in style for our flight.  The Sky lounge rests on the second floor--the level no one knows exists!  We found the secret elevator, hit number two and held our breath.  When the double doors opened, we saw a room just ahead.  It gleamed with golden decorations and elaborately shining tile.  I felt as if walking through the gates of Heaven and they didn't even check my criminal history!

Classical music played from the front desk.  Many different people waited in the massive room.  I saw one man who spoke with a Russian accent, a woman with an Italian nose and flare.   We met a family from Japan!  But my favorite part was when I heard the people with the British accent!

On a side note: British people are awesome.  They're practically related to the royals since the royals are British too.

I just love the way they talk; that alone is cooler than any pair of boots I've seen.  I soaked in the accents of the two couples sitting yards from me.  The father looked through a magazine.  He kept mumbling to himself about escorts.  "Hmmm."  Even his mumbling sounded sophisticated!  "This escort looks like a man.  Looks like a man, but tastes like a woman."  He chuckled, but although the couple across from him laughed, his wife acted as if she hadn't heard a word.

So, other than that comment, the place shone with awesomeness.  Not only did British people wait there, but the Sky Lounge had FREE food, expensive crackers and various cheeses.  Tea!  They had fancy dips, carrots and broccoli.  I knew the Delta Sky workers love British people too because they'd specifically catered to them.  I always see British people on T.V..  They'll practically die for tea and crackers.  That's when I felt my calling.  I too could could sit straight.  I too could drink tea, with my pinkie out, and enjoy the finer things in life.  I too could seem like royalty!  Sure I'd just lived through the Disney World experience.  My mascara hadn't been updated in days.  I had a serious burn and my hair hung in clumps.  My shirt had a spit-up stains and I'd torn my new jeans, but all that aside, I could STILL PRETEND TO BE BRITISH!

With that pep talk in mind, I grabbed some tea, gulped it from an American cup, and shoved those dainty crackers in my mouth.  I know I looked the part because at that exact moment a Delta employee came up to me.


Everyone quieted for a moment, everyone except two Italians who disputed something in Italian.  (I'm not claiming to be an expert on Italy here, but since my grandma was Italian . . . enough said.) 

The Delta employee trotted up to me.  "Excuse me," she said politely.  She held a bunch of itinerary in her hands.

I nodded, still holding my tea to my mouth, still keeping my pinkie out.

"Are you British?" she asked.  "I'm supposed to deliver these papers--"

She stopped because I'd nearly choked on my tea.  I wore the biggest smile ever.  I thought about responding in an accent.  I could pull it off--I just knew it; I'd already fooled her enough.  All I had to do was flaunt an accent.  She was American; she'd believe me!  I almost did it.  But since I looked so haggard, I wanted to use one of those poor British accents--from My Fair Lady--where you never say your H's.  Like: "I 'ad a nice day, I did.  It was a lovely day for a 'oliday."  But my mom walked next to me and instead of being a cool liar, I turned to the employee and smiled with Christianity.  "I'm so sorry, but I'm not British.  I wish I was, but I'm not."

"You look awfully British."

"How sweet."  I giggled.  "But I'm not."  I took another sip of tea.

She looked down at the papers, then all the people in the room.  "But it says here that I need to find someone who's British . . . with disabilities."

What the Hell?!  British (the greatest compliment ever) but WITH DISABILITIES?  Why would that be me?  I know I looked like I'd fallen off the cruise ship and then been found in the waves.  I pictured myself as someone who barely survived a war--in a wheelchair.  With no arms and no legs.  I pictured myself without a nose and with only one eye.  It was strange because I looked a lot like Jack Sparrow, just without the facial hair and limbs.

I paused, maybe she didn't mean the worst disabilities ever.  "Disabled" could mean that I had back problems.  Heck, with bad enough migraines I could have a handicapped parking sticker (in the U.S.)

What type of disabilities? I wanted to ask when the "tastes like a woman" man suddenly raised his hand.

"Excuse me, Miss.  I think you're looking for my wife."

I looked over and noticed his wife's hearing aids.  She smiled and waved happily.  I loved her at that moment.  She was the one the employee looked for and she was beautiful.  She'd taught me that people can overcome things, hard things when they know who they are.  She seemed really happy despite her hearing impairment.  God taught me a lesson.  I'd pretended to be British, I'd longed for it, coveted their British accents--and that's why God had that Delta worker talk to me.  Sure, He practically told me, I'll let someone think you're British.  I wondered if God laughed in Heaven because I suddenly knew I should never covet again.  I need to be happy with myself, my hearing ears and my American accent. 

I told The Scribe the whole story.  I was still sad.  "What type of disabilities do you think she thought I had?  Was it a metal disability?  Maybe she thought I was nuts?"

The Scribe just shrugged.  "So, who was she looking for?" she asked.

"That lady over there."  I put my hand to my mouth and motioned discretely.

The Scribe's eyes grew wide.  "The one with the things on her ears?"

I nodded again.

"She's beautiful.  So that's what you'd look like if you were British.  That's way cool!"


  1. HA! So you looked British AND disabled! This made my day! I love British people too! Their accents amaze me, and I could listen to them talk all day long.

  2. I think she confused with someone from Ireland ya big idget.

  3. lol only you! Ive never heard of metal disabilities before. hee hee. I love this! I'm with Di though. You look more Irish than British. I love almost all accents. Brits are just so sophisticated sounding. Even the ones that drop their H's.

  4. LMAO! I wrote "metal disability"! What the heck? That's the best typo ever and just proves the employee's point. What . . . did she think I had Magneto's gift (

    My gift with metal, it's good times--or not LOL!

  5. Um, a British accent doesn't exist. Even slightly. I'm from Kent and I sound completely different to people in other parts of England, let alone taking the other parts of Britain (Scotland and Wales) and the UK (Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland).

    Sort out your lingo, Viking lady.

  6. Um, nor does an American accent exist, but that doesn't stop the rest of the world from referring to it as one homogenous pea soup. And actually, people from the U.K. do all sound the same to me... arrogant.

  7. I love how you get people pissed off at you for the stupiest reasons.

  8. Amazing post! I think no one would have heard more accents than I have! Being born in a family, who talked Pakistani English, watched all American movies n tuned into BBC NEWS always for the breakfast, I think that tuned me into hearing so many different English(language) accents. When I went to India, they called it "Hinglish"- a mix of Hindi and English accent thrown in! Now, when I am in UK, when I go to Bradford, and move to Blackpool, then go to Birmingham and then to London, its a wide regional range of British accents I have heard. The best thing is, it shows the "culture" and the background of that person, when he/she speaks English ( an international language!). For people like me, no matter how much I tune into British culture, I will always remain "desi" (coz that's who I am) and that will show in my accent, and I am too proud of it. So, I really don't want to "put on" British accent ( in spite of the fact, tht I love it!) I believe, its better to be urself than to be someone else, u know wht I mean, right?
    Sorry my answer got too long, but I can still talk so much on this topic! *phew*

  9. Ok you people are all crazy, English accents, American accents, they DO exist!! ASK ANYONE ON THE STREET ask a British person. OMG get real and grow up! There's probably tens of twenties of different types of American accents. Like people from Texas or Boston. Or New York. Try even people from the south like Alabama. There IS an accent and anyone who says any differently is probably deaf, dumb and blind. and for Europe? Take someone from Edinburgh and someone from Glasgow. Different accent all together. Both Scottish but are affected by the dialect which their ancestors derived. Sry beth, but educate urself a little more =P

    And Elisa, it's amazing how you bring out the best in people!

  10. You crack me up...hilarious post:)

  11. Hey, being beautiful can be a disability. Good!

  12. LOL! Accents are funny things. At least they make for good discussions :0)

    Now that's one disability I want to have *giggles*
    You're so awesome!

  13. Wow, I think Anonymous totally missed the point of Beth's comment. Isn't it all about that fact that there isn't a single definitive british accent? I really enjoyed reading your insight Kamal Mansoor. Very interesting. My Japanese wife understands American speaking English very well, but has a terrible time with many british accents.

  14. Your Scribe is a delight. You must really be good at faking a British accent--Congrats! Being musical as you are, you hear the music in the voices.
    Hope you had a wonderful trip, throw-up stains and all.
    p.s. When Bright Eyes was newborn, I accidently brought home a spit-up cloth with me. I kept it for weeks, savoring her scent. Then it got kinda funky, and I had to wash it.

  15. Oh gosh y'all know much I swoon over female British accents *just sayin*

  16. Gosh people do get themselves worked up don't they? (chill out Beth :-))

    I'm more British than British can be and I find it hilarious and charming that you lot find us so quaint and....hobbit-like.

    I myself sound nothing like you would expect. Anyone heard of the band Oasis? More like that and very very Northern. That said - I'm off to make myself a cup of tea and a scone...

    Roast Beef for dinner me thinks...

  17. That is such a cool link. Very interesting ;)

  18. @shane: Thanks for understanding my viewpoint.
    @Elisa: Wow! 19 comments!;) U lucky dog!:P