Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Are animal activists taking things too far?

On the 23rd of July, after putting glue and glitter all over the dog AND themselves, my toddlers brought dish soap into the bathtub. While I tried shampooing our white husky and cutting her hair, bubbly water went everywhere. I thought I'd lose my mind, but I breathed and things seemed okay, until yesterday.

Let's back up. If you're new here, you need to know something about me. I don't hide things. When I wanted implants, everyone knew. When I was depressed about my son's death--I even released a book about it.  When I got in a big pretend-fight with my buddy--in front of a condemned house--we took pictures!

 Check out Melynda HERE (on the left) and me doing the ballerina two-step (on the right). That's The Hippie (my middle daughter) up front.
    And as I'm sure some of you noticed . . . I never got that boob job because we simply . . . can't afford it.

    So, now that you know how shallow, sad, silly and upfront I can be--solely from these examples--I have to tell you yet another blatantly honest story about how animal activists can take things too far!

    I went into a store yesterday.  The Zomibe Elf zoomed around as I waited to pay for my items. He made an instant friend since kids are experts at doing that.  They hollered together and I blushed with embarrassment.  "Zombie! Stop screaming and . . . licking the cart. You aren't a dog."
    The cashier's eyes perked with interest when I said the word 'dog.'  That should have been the first sign that things headed to a dangerous place.
    "How are you, Elisa?" she asked, scanning canned soup.  "You're looking awfully frazzled."
    Ummm . . . gee.  Let's see why?  The Zombie Elf's new friend suddenly clutched onto my leg while I tried hefting groceries from my cart.  I looked back sweetly at his mother in a kind "get this leech off me or I might explode face"--unfortunately she didn't get the hint.
   "I am frazzled." I clenched my teeth.  "Last month, the kids put glue all over the dog--that was . . . exciting. Then today I didn't eat breakfast or lunch and was starving. I'd just made some boiling-hot soup and set it on the table when my two-year-old pulled the table cloth and the soup fell in my lap!"
    "Oh. My. Gosh," the cashier gasped.  "Is the dog okay?"
    What the hell!  Is the DOG okay!  The dog . . . who gets pampered and loved all freakin' day?  She gets naps--actual naps.  And treats!  She got a lovely glitter makeover in July, then a bath and a massage.  A haircut and a rubdown.  What I wouldn't do for all of that!  Yet I get boiling soup dumped in my lap and God forbid--the dog got a spa treatment!!!
    I fumed, "The dog . . . is fine."
    The random child still held my leg and the mother's weak attempts at 'No Johnny. No.' weren't stern enough.
    "Can you let go?" I said in such a high voice I'm surprised glass didn't shatter somewhere in the store. "Sweetie."  Random child!
    "I HATE my mother!" Johnny yelled up at me.
    The Zombie Elf fisted his hands then, and put them on his hips. "Well this is my mother, buddy.  Go find your own!"
    The other boy let go and The Zombie Elf hugged me in his place.  As we walked out of the store I had to giggle.  Despite all the crap my four kids put me through as I'm trying to write novel after novel and have a successful career, kids sure make life interesting.  I'm not resentful anymore--I'm glad the dog got a spa treatment and I'm glad God taught me a lesson about hot soup--when you have toddlers, it's best served cold.

19 comments:

  1. Ah, those micro short moments that make all the torture seem worth it! I keeps repeating the same mantra to myself - eight more days until school starts, eight more days until school starts, eight more days until school starts.

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  2. LOL sadly, I would have asked about the dog first too hahahaha

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  3. How you find the time to both write books and blog in the midst of all that, I will never, ever, understand! As far as the dog goes, you are a saint to let one come to your house and add to the craziness.

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  4. LMAO...I'm only laughing because this sounds exactly like the weeks we've been having around here. Why can't toddlers behave...ever???? I swear, my two have gotten into, broken and spilled everything in this house. And right as I'm trying, desperately, to get things ready for the new baby in a matter of a few weeks. The soup comment would've been the only one I heard. Seriously, the kids spilled pepper all over the kitchen this morning and got it in their eyes, mouth and everywhere else. I haven't even brushed my hair yet. I need to birth this baby and then go find a bar.

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  5. I'm sure the dog looked very pretty with its new look glittery self. My sister once dyed our dog's fur with beetroot juice which it turned out was more difficult than expected to get out.

    PS Enjoyed your The Best Of EC Writes, I shall be reviewing it real soon.

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    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to read it :)

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  6. You're all so awesome. See, reading these comments makes everything better ;)

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  7. Loved the "go find your own" line.

    Hah, your dog got glue, mine got paint. We painted our living room last week and our newfie mix decided that would be a good time to rub up against the wall. Lavender paint and a black dog...not a good mix.

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  8. The Zombie Elf fisted his hands then, and put them on his hips. "Well this is my mother, buddy. Go find your own!" ADORABLE--I LOVE ALL YOUR KIDS!!!!!!

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  9. Oh, I love the Zombie Elf. I would have yelled, "This is my middle child. Get lost ya little jerk." The clerk probably just wasn't thinking clearly. When my beloved Faulkner had to be euthanized, I paid the bill for his death with tears running down my face and the cashier told me to have a nice day.

    Love,
    Janie

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  10. I remember when I had to stop taking my children to the store. It was just too crazy and stressful. I used to shop at night. Great story. I don't understand how she couldn't have asked about your burn!

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  11. You may want to read about The Pact before you get it. It's about how a teenage suicide affects two families. I don't know how it would affect you.

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    1. I'll have to learn more about it. I get so involved in stories when I read them . . . It really does sound like an amazing book, though.

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  12. Glitter Dog would be a good name for a band.

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  13. Glad the Zombie Elf saved the day and the grocery story outing. I love when kids decide to stake a claim to their parents when another kid is movng in. I hope you are okay after the hot soup. I once dumped hot tea on my lap- and I have an idea of the shocked pain you were in. I love your honesty. You are such fun. I hope you took pictures of your dog. I remember seeing that the dog had purple glitter- but I can't remember seeing a picture...

    ~Jess

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  14. haha that happens, no, i mean it
    maybe the cashier was joking, in her own way

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  15. LOL, I think you gave the cashier information overload and out of of fear, all she could think of was to ask how your dog was. Hope they don't get any ideas to go after a cat next :)

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  16. Dear Elisa, I've read your posting about the beglittered and bedecked dog, the boiling hot soup in your lap, the cherk's mis-spoken words, and Zombie Elf's laying claim to you and I just want to compliment you on how well you wove all of this together into an ending that endeared you to all of us. You're a marvel, Woman! A marvel. Peace.

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  17. At least your kids didn't shave the dog. My brother actually took our cat to the groomer's and got him shaved like a lion. Although the Lion King/kingdom jokes and jabs are pure gold, even if cliche. And way to go Zombie Elf for showing his new friend whose mommy your are :)

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