My blog has been what my journal once was. It's amazing looking at old posts and reading what happened. There were so many things I'd forgotten from last year. I guess I was reminded of all of this because since my phone died, I had to use an old SIM card. It had numbers from people I don't talk to anymore. It was sad scanning through four names of people who have died.
I thought of my grandma and her spunk, my grandpa and his kindness. I also thought of Cade's grandma as well as a good friend who have since passed. Somehow that made me start reading some of my first posts. It's fun looking at the past. But what it reminded me of even more, was a couple of years ago.
Can you imagine a time so terrible, you've practically blocked it out? I had one such time. But I wrote everything down, and through those words, my memories lived. My friend encouraged me to read the journal. I sent her and my brother a new part of it each day.
They both said they cried and laughed. I cried too, but what I found in those pages wasn't what I had expected. I didn't see so much pain, instead I saw hope, and a reason to forgive myself.
It was like looking at my childhood, but finally seeing things as an adult would. I'd done the best I could, and that was something to be proud of.
My friend who read "The Golden Sky" first, wrote a post about it today. If you have a chance, here's the link to that story: