Regarding the last few posts:
Yesterday, I ended up calling the school to find out what time I should get the Scribe from detention. "Should be around 4:30," the counselor said. "That seems strange the principal would change the punishment, though. I specifically wrote in the computer how your daughter was a victim and her punishment would only be losing her email and having this on her record."
"Well, her name's been on the board for two days saying how she needs to go to detention. Oh and, nothing's been cleared up. The class still thinks she sent those emails."
The woman paused. "Is the other girl's name on the board?"
"Not that I know of," I said.
"Oh, no-no-no. This isn't how things go. Can I call you back, Ms. Hirsch?"
"Sure."
Come to find out. Someone got the names mixed up! The Scribe (after all she went through with being framed in the first place) was about to pay for what another girl did! She didn't go to detention with the Mop Head Lover after all.
I did get a strange call later that night, though. They asked me questions about the Principal's actions. The woman said, "Unfortunately, things went poorly. Feel assured, the situation will be addressed and hopefully these people will get their acts together."
So, now the whole fiasco is FINALLY OVER, let me tell you about yesterday.
I went to the gas station again because oracles WORK there. An old woman sat on a bench. A sheep dog rested next to her, and although she didn't look at me, I knew she noticed me. Her eyes studied everyone with interested, as she pet her dog all the while. She smiled and nodded. I found myself missing my dog so badly then.
I know we gave Luna away because it was the right thing, but now I'm doubting myself. Sure the kids didn't feed her on time or play with her, but I always did. She ate the fancy dog food. We'd snuggle and run around, me laughing and her licking my face. When I'd write and edit, she'd sleep under my chair, or just chew on her bone.
I thought about all of this as I watched the woman with the dog. I guess I'd just wanted to make a point to the kids. THEY were supposed to take care of her, not me. THEY wanted a dog, and I told them if they didn't take care of her, we would sell her. But somehow she became mine--what was that about--and I've cried just thinking about how much I miss her. Writing doesn't even seem fun, without my husky muse.
Plus it reminds me of another profound loss and the anniversary of it which is so soon. After all, Zeke (my son) died at the end of January; this is always a hard month. As soon as February comes, I feel better, but right now, it's hard not being sad.
I went into the gas station and vowed to be happy. I couldn't get depressed about the dog again or Zeke for that matter--my journal was just published--I'm supposed to be smiley about EVERYTHING. We'd had a hard enough week just with school.
The oracle from the previous post wasn't there, unfortunately, but his sidekick was. "Do you have a little sewing kit?" I asked the attendant. (We were on the run and I needed to fix a rip.)
"Ummm . . . I actually think we do. I stocked the other night." He smiled, proud of himself when he found it. "If you're ready, I can help you over here."
I stood ready to pay, and the man decided it would be great to interrogate me. "You come here often?"
Okay. "Well . . . yeah. I guess."
"You sew?"
"Yeah."
"You like sewing?" he struggled finding the bar code on the kit.
"Yeah."
"What's the sewing kit for?"
Now stop right there. What was with the twenty questions? He was a nice guy and all, but I felt flustered standing there answering things. We were the only people in the store and I kept thinking about Zeke and then my dog. I just needed something to cheer me up. So, I got an idea, smiled and decided to try being witty--nothing cheers me up faster than witty banter--seriously!
"The sewing kit? It's for the end of the world," I said, keeping a straight face.
"Are. You. Serious? Tell me you're kidding."
"Oh, I'm absolutely serious. When the end of the world hits, if I survive, I could stay in this same pair of clothes FOR YEARS. All I needed was a sewing kit." I pointed to the kit. "Now I'm set. Looky here."
"Wow. I've heard a lot of people believe in the Mayan calendar."
"As well they should. Plus, if everyone would live like this year was their last, they might have better lives. Live like it's 2012--I've always said anyway."
He just gaped.
"Well, have a good year. I hope your last months on Earth are epic. Make 'em count. Oh and don't forget to buy yourself a sewing kit! It's a good thing you have a few left."
So, he totally believed me, and I sorta loved it.
That night when I got home, I knelled down and prayed--not about the end of our world, but for something just as important to me--my dog. I know it sounded stupid, but this is what I said, "God, if we weren't supposed to sell Luna. If we were the right family for her, and good enough for her, please let the woman who bought her . . . bring her back."
I felt like an idiot. I STILL feel like an idiot; it was my choice to sell the dog. Plus, I started crying really hard, and felt like I sold a member of our family for $300 measly dollars. We already spent the money we got for her; at least I can fix up some problems in our house now. But, then, to top it off, Cade's employer payed him $300 too much on accident. We have to pay it back next week (no biggie) but it just seemed odd. There was that $300 again, haunting me and reminding me how much I'm like Judus.
Well, at least I know Luna is with someone good. And she did find a nice, strong male dog to marry.
Have you ever had doubts about something like this? Am I being completely shoot-myself-in-the-foot dumb? Wait . . . don't answer that.
I guess the real issue is, I loved that dog, but this reminds me a little bit of when we pulled the plug. Zeke had to go . . . it was the best thing for him. I was nineteen and I made the hardest decision of my life.
For more about Zeke and his story, please go here:
I think it's the time of the year and your memories. You don't strike me as the kind of person who doesn't think things through. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and a sewing kit isn't a bad idea--LOL! ;)
I felt completely captivated by your story. I'm notorious for not reading all the way to the end of blog posts. But yours--wow! Thanks for sharing. I love your writing style.
ReplyDeleteLOL so that's how I surivive the apocolypse, now if only I can sew...haha...you'll prob always have second thoughts about your dog, just the way it goes I guess.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I've had doubts about things after the fact. I think we all have. When that happens I try to remember whatever my gut feeling was. It was similar to back in school. If I was taking a test and there was an answer I wasn't sure about...well it never failed. If I went with my first instinct, it would almost always pan out. If I sat there and over-analyzed things then I almost always got it wrong in the end. I've found that's not too bad of a credo to keep in my head for all sorts of other situations. Don't get me wrong, it's not a 100% thing. Sometimes new information pops up and actually needs to be rethought. But a lot of time our 'instincts' are right on the money and all we're doing by going back and rethinking it amounts to little more than confusing and torturing ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYou are so hard on yourself. Give everything a little time it will all work out. As for the Mayan Calendar... THAT WAS EPIC! lol
ReplyDeleteThe kids will be fine. I predict there's changes coming your way my friend. Who knows? Maybe you will get Luna back.
I will keep you in my prayers. This month had to be tough on you. I am glad the Scribe didn't pay for someone else's actions though. My mom had to put her dog down last year, and she still has a picture of him on her cell phone. She said the first few months she would look over her kitchen counter out of habit to check on him because that was where his bed was...always sad to lose a family pet.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad the problem got fixed. That Scribe didn't have to pay for the horrible stuff someone else did. I hope things settle back down for her at school.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't be so hard on yourself. At least you told your kids and they understood why. I moved out of home when I was 17 and back when I was 19 (not quite a kid). When I came back at 19, I brought my Alsatian/Rotty mix back with me. I walked him every day, he had a big back yard to play in, and I scooped his poop. I came home from a night of netball and my dog was gone. My parents had given him to someone with a property and wouldn't tell me who. I cried for days. I loved that dog so much - and he hated everyone but me. He was fiercely protective.
To this day I still resent them for that.
So your kids are fine. They understand and they know you were right. You didn't take her from somewhere the kids played with her non stop - you gave her a good home with another dog she could play with. You did the right thing <3 That you explained it to them makes you an awesome parent and person in my book.
We all have doubts like that. But you clearly weren't manipulating to your own gain...you seem to have done the right thing under the circumstances. ~Mary
ReplyDeleteLife has a way of working things out and coming full circle. It may never get much easier without Zeke, and the hole might never be filled, but it will become a part of the fabric of you. (Yes, I have the sewing kit in mind :-) )
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a strong woman, willing to share that strength, and your story, with others. As someone else said, don't be so hard on yourself.
Who knows? Maybe the woman will bring the dog back. Or maybe she loves him too and he has become a part of her life. Perhaps, in the great scheme of things, she needed that dog more than you at the time.
Warm regards.
My son's birthday is December 21st (true)--the day the Mayan calendar says that the world will come to an end. My question is: If the Mayans were right, do I still have to buy him present? And if your answer is "yes", do you think he'd like a sewing kit?
ReplyDeletePS--Stop worrying about Luna. You did the right thing, & you handled it beautifully with the kids.
You know whenever the world does end...that's not a bad idea lol. I have a dog, and I can understand your struggle here. Dogs do become part of the family but I think what makes you such a strong person is that you realized the lesson for your children was a very important one. One of responsibility. I still hope that I it's meant to be your dog is returned to you. But remember that you also did one of the hardest things that parents can do, you put your children first. You would think that's an easy thing to do but I know some many parents who don't.
ReplyDeleteWhy does the bad stuff always seem to haunt us and not the good? There are two extremely horrible events that happened to me - my controlling, OCD, remorseless roommate from 3 years ago who started out as my friend and being told that I had to cut my Student Teaching short - that I can't seem to forget, more so the roommate. No matter how much I want to forget her, I can't. I think I'm scarred for a while because of how she treated me. I know I shouldn't have let her affect me but I think I'm more fragile than that.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, wait a minute - Scribe's school mixed up the names! How exactly does that happen? Unless their names are the same. Or similar. Anyway, glad things worked out in the end.
First, I'm so glad that things are getting straightened out for the Scribe. That poor sweetheart! Thank you for the update.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about Luna. You saw how happy she was with the other dog. This is good for her, no pet likes to be left alone, or forgotten. And yes, you took great care of her, but what a beautiful gift you gave Luna to have such a great playmate now!
When it gets hard, remember how happy Luna was and how well she got along with that other dog. That should always help you remember you made a great choice.
Oh, and Listen to Fishducky! She's brilliant. :)
JadeLouise Designs
A number of years ago we sold our dog Chocolate and I still feel bad about it yes I knew it was the right thing to do but it still makes me feel sad..........
ReplyDeleteI think how you dealt with the twenty questions was just so cool, I have had times when I have felt like giving silly answers to those strangers asking me twenty questions about things that ate none of their business...........
Dear Elisa,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your postings for the last week--and when are you going to begin to do only two a week???--I'd like to make a suggestion. Please consider going to the following blog where you will encounter a simple 10-minute meditation that will soothe your weary brain and ease your sore heart. Be good to yourself.
http://buildingordinary.blogspot.com/2012/01/one-simple-meditation-step-you-can-use.html
Peace.
I know this is a hard time for you. When it comes to the day someone important to us died, people will say it's the anniversary of the death. I think of an anniversary as a celebration. I guess we can celebrate that the person is in Heaven, but I think I prefer the word observance. Or memorialize. I'm sorry you miss Luna.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
First,
ReplyDeleteAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA about your end-of-the-world sewing kit! That's hilarious!
Second,
I'm sorry this is such a hard time of year for you. But it's perfectly natural to second-guess yourself when you make a big decision, even if it's the right one. It's beautiful that you prayed about it. And if your dog is meant to come back to you, i know it will happen.
You're in my thoughts and prayers this week for sure. Blessings to you, my friend.
Anniversaries are hard events, and I will be praying for you as you relive those days. My mother's birthday was on Jan. 14, and this was the first year w/out her.
ReplyDeleteWe can't second guess ourselves, says me who is the queen of 2nd guessing. I am guessing that Luna is bounding around with her new beau. You are suffering, but I think Luna is enjoying doggy happiness.
I don't think many people are ever sure they did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Luna goes, I'm pretty certain she won't have been sad for long. Animals don't often miss people like people miss their former companions, especially young animals like Luna - an older animal that has been used to the same people, places and routines for many years might take longer to adjust. Animals live in the moment, and once she's got used to her new surroundings and family (which she probably already has) she'll just enjoy her new life.
Don't worry about the $300. You were finding her a new home, where she'll be appreciated by /all/ the family. Money often changes hands when animals change homes, but you'd made the decision to find her the right home, the money was incidental.
Ha ha ha, that is priceless...The end of the world and a sewing kit to keep it all together, at least your clothes. There is a good story in that one. Yeah, I have had to make difficult choices over pets. Mine still haunt me, but no matter how briefly they touch our lives they give us something worthwhile to remember and hanging on to that is a good thing, forget the rest that makes you sad.
ReplyDeleteawww... i'm sorry you're missing luna and zeke.
ReplyDeletec'mon february!
ummm... you were really clever to trick that gas station gent like that. i would have bought it, too.
Whew! After just reading the previous post, I l'm glad to hear things really did get totally resolved with the Scribe! I'm so sorry about your dog. She was absolutely gorgeous but I think your reason for selling her was good. As much as you loved her, your kids were the ones that were supposed to take care of her and that lesson for them is bigger than you just taking over and doing it all for them. It's part of being a mom and showing your kids that they have responsibilities and consequences.
ReplyDeletePlus how do you expect to teach them all of that when you only have 12 months left until the world ends??? ;) I like to say that if we decide to take the Mayan's belief in 2012 (which actually they didn't believe that it was the end of the world, just the end of one of their measures of time) then we also should take on their other beliefs...sacrificing children, drinking blood, and that sort of thing!
first off, I love how clever and witty you are and then you beyotch slap me with sadness.
ReplyDeletethanks for that.
Seriously, I think you did the right thing with Luna and it is not the same as Zeke and even if it were, both things were done out of love and for the very best.
you are a wonderful chick, Elisa and I love the hell outta ya.