Monday, March 4, 2013

Dreams. Is Your Subconscious Telling You Something?

I'm homeless, hardly wearing anything, lying in the fetal position in a dirty gravel alleyway.  People chatter, getting ready for bed.  They don't know I'm out there, starving and dying.  Their lights slowly click off in the towering brick building to the sides of me.  By turning out the lights, do they know their extinguishing my hope? 
    I know the darkness will come then--it always does--and I'm left dusted in numbing frostMy limbs stiffen, so cold I shake and my tears mingle with the grimy ground.  That's when the mice come, picking at the flesh on my arms and legs.  I don't see them, but I hear them, executing squeaky orders, working as a team to devise my slow death. 
    They gnaw, until almost nothing is left--then true oblivion comes. . .  That's when I wake up.

I've told friends about this dream. Some think it's because Homeless in Hawaii was just published.  
Maybe remembering those cold nights with nothing, except Cade and a violin, has triggered this strange reoccurring dreamI know there's a deeper meaning though.  It's simply a matter of researching the roots of the dream and discovering what my subconscious is trying to tell me.  But when would I be ready for that?  There's a reason this has remained in my subconscious, right?

Dreams have always been a big part of my life.
Let me give you some history . . .  

In Bible Girl & the Bad Boy, I dreamed about an ocean of ice, where I drifted away from my family--this was right before I ran away in waking life.  In Homeless in Hawaii, I dreamed about a wooden burden that later took a human form--before I discovered (in waking life) that I felt of my own self-worth as a burden.  In The Golden Sky--perhaps my most telling memoir--I dreamed about a fire that burned everything except people.  This happened when my son passed away and brought so much change into my world.  
    These dreams each had a very symbolic meaning.

    Over the years I've read many books about our subconscious minds, and how we deal with emotions while we sleep.
   The most productive and accurate book I've found is The Element Encyclopedia of 20,000 Dreams.  
    So I pulled that book out last night, the whole time I thought about how I try to feel like I'm worth something.  Then the same people drag me down, criticizing my every action. That's when I crumble.  Why does their feedback hurt so much?  I've tried my very hardest.  With the help of others, I founded Wayman Publishing.  I've written multiple books in the past few years.  I'm on Wikipedia: HERE.
    But the thing is, when you're a writer, you get feedback from limitless people.  I've literally been receiving hundreds of emails each day.  My Twitter and Facebook account have become overwhelming.  Wayman Publishing has been getting around 90 queries a month.  This has made me stronger.  But why does the feedback of certain "friends" still sting so much?  Is this what my dream, of being a beggar and getting eaten by mice, means?  Am I just overwhelmed?
    So I looked up beggars.

    Beggar = Low Self-esteem.  Starving emotions into destitution.  

    What about the mice?

    Mice = Timidity. Changes that gnaw away.

    Attacked by Animals = Repressing Instincts. Being too civilized. It could be time to stand up for yourself. 

    There have been many times in the past (and present) where people have walked all over me.  I take it.  When I love them--regardless of the friendship/love being toxic--I get hurt over and over.
    I'm glad I've been having this dream and that I looked things up.  Whether you believe in Telling Dreams or not, this is something for me to remember.  

    I need to stop looking to others for validation.

    I need to stand up for myself and my family when the time comes.

    No matter what anyone says, I'm doing the best I can.  And at least when death comes I can say I lived . . . I tried.

    Have you ever felt like this?   
    Do you believe in Telling Dreams

P.S. If you need a good laugh after reading this post, please go check out these hilarious sayings: Janie Junebug's Tease 


  1. Some of mine are just plain out there and weird, but always fun to think about. Not sure I put a ton of signifigance behind them though, as they can change depending on what I do during the day.

  2. Yup. All are born perfect. Ever notice how we never look at other living things (say an animal or a forest) and see fault. Interesting piece, might track down that book on dreams.

  3. Don't worry so much! Dreams are subject to MANY interpretations, & as Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a smoke"!

  4. I know how you feel. Dreams can tell us lots but deciding what to do with what they tell us is something else. DREAMS are visions of our past or future and a guideline for our life in a round about way. SOME ARE TO REMIND US WHERE WE CAME FROM AND OTHERS ARE TO show us where we are going. Hopefully you find something in your dreams that help you make sense if them.. love always ....

  5. E.C., you should not let anyone put you down. I want to thank you for the link to Wikipedia. It is interesting to know how people chose the names they use for their writing. I use the initial of my maiden name as a second initial or if there is not room for two initials, I might write B.-Lerner to acknowledge my parent's name. I love your story and any one who can go through what you did has to be strong!

  6. Oh, yes, I have felt like that. It's really difficult. And thanks for steering readers to my Tease.


  7. I do believe in the power of dreams...and this quote by Maya Angelou: "You alone are have nothing to prove to anybody." You are so much more than enough, EC!

  8. Dreams are of a number of kinds. Releasing the stuff of the day is one but the most important are dreams from the subconscious and dreams from the higher self. Sounds like your dreams are a bit of both. Your dreams seem to be a mirror on what to change next.

    Blessings and Peace Geof

  9. Although I do have the occasional reoccuring dream (such as the one where I fall down into a rabbit hole and end up in a Twilight Zoneish episode), there's one reoccurring dream I used to have that might've been an insight into my psyche.

    I used to have the dream back in high school. It would be just another day in class when the teacher suddenly called on me. I would know exactly what to say but the words wouldn't come out and everyone stared at me, waiting for an answer. I don't think it would take a psychologist to be able to analyze that dream.

    And honestly, who needs validation when you got your own Wikipedia page :D

  10. Dreams have always been a big part of my life too. My husband says he doesn't dream. I can't believe it. I not only dream but I dream big. I wake up and could and have written entire books based off of the dream.

  11. Dear Elisa, i do believe that dreams reveal our deepest fears and our broadest hopes. Each of us uses our own experience to create the metaphors of dreams. And I've read that every person or animal in a dream is really ourselves. Something in that person or animal reminds us of something in ourselves.

    Your dreams are so vivid and so I believe that you have great instincts and intuitions. That is, I suspect that deep down you have that sixth sense that is part of being a psychic. So I say simple, be true to yourself and trust that you are where you need to be right now. Peace.

  12. It can be so situational. Some of my dreams have clearly been directly about something I am going thru & others have been quite forgettable.

    It is so very clear that you are a person who tries, then tries harder. I do not believe you have to worry about that.

  13. Came here through Twitter - already finding much to like about your blog!

    I appreciate how personal a post like this is. Dreams and the universal symbolism found in them are difficult topics because they're such intimate experiences, but so long as we use them as learning experiences and accept what they 'tell' us about ourselves upon analysis, there's no shame in what our dreams are made of at all. I don't have a lot of telling dreams, per se, but the dreams I do have are normally vivid and fantastic and the stuff I use to stoke my creative energy when real life isn't giving me vibrant enough ideas. In this manner, my dreams can reveal to me what I'm 'about' in terms of my craft, by what elements of the dreams tend to drive a story onward.

    Thanks for the insight and sharing! I really love this post's message.

  14. Ahhhh- now I have a little better understanding of those mice you and I are dreaming of. It doesn't make me like them any better, but I do have some understanding now~