Thursday, February 28, 2013

3 Pick-up Lines that DO NOT Work

Facebook can be a real dream.  But, it can also become a nightmare. Strange foreign men see any friendly profile pic and are compelled to hit on it.
    I've been married for a long time, been with Cade since I was 17. Some of these pick-up lines have shocked me.  Is this what the online dating scene is like?  God forbid.
    Let me tell you about three especially bad ones . . .

I've always had a special feeling for my mother. 

STOP . . . 
Is this a pick-up--or an attempt to say they're STILL a mama's boy?
Resume . . . 

You remind me of her in face and heart. I'd like to meet and see if we have a bond. You smile tells me we do. Let's message each other.

Hmmm . . .  YOU smile tells me we do.  Well, my smile says that I'm married--his wording tells me he doesn't speakie English very well. AND in the picture he attached of  his mother . . . Well, I'm surprised he said our faces match.


My wife died. You remind me of her.

This emailed called to me--the poor man!  But honestly, do I just have a familiar face, or what?  I continued reading, thinking this was just a kind email, not a pick-up.  Boy was I wrong. 

I think her spirit dwells in you. We lived a long life together.  I can see her joy in your eyes.
I would like to date online and know you more.

If a message like that won't creep someone out--I don't know what willMy shaky hand clicked on his profile picture.  The guy was a highly decorated military man who was about 9,000 years old! 

I like you. I think your a virgin.

I'm a writer, don't send a writer something with an obvious error like "your" vs. "you're"--unless you're approaching them for grammar lessons.   
    Now onto the obvious offense behind this facebook message.  WHAT THE HELL?  A virgin?  And to think, I thought my army of children clued people in.  Having a baby is like shouting from the rooftops--I've had sex--I lost my cheery, people!  It's actually a bit embarrassing at first--if you want to know the truth.
    But making a strange claim like this, made me feel as if he'd take me--a thirty-year-old--to the slave sex exchange!  Are they taking thirty-year-olds with no boobs, and lots of character?  If so, I'm terrified.

 Is this really what the dating game is like these days?


  1. YOU MEAN YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN? I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I thought all those kids belonged to your neighbors. And you made a funny mistake: You lost your cheery instead of your cherry. I bet you lost both at the same time.


  2. I swore off the internet back in the early days because of the crazies ... but that was before pictures and blogging and the better stuff.

  3. So storks don't deliver kids? Damn, where have I been. And shame, saying about grammar and then going all cheery, the stalkers really got you flustered hahaha yep it is scary online dating.

  4. Were you cheery while you were losing your cherry? We'd all like to know!!

  5. Wow...number 2 is ridiculous. I made the mistake of adding a random girl (who I thought I knew from high school) on facebook and she preceded to send me multiple messages asking to hang out. Her last message, before I blocked her, was her suggesting that we meet at Subway the following afternoon. People are odd. Great read :)

  6. LOLOLOLOL!!!! That was a Freudian slip if I've ever seen one :) *still smiling*

  7. I don't know about those pick-up lines. The only line from anyone that I remember after my husband's "Will you marry me?" is from science-fiction artists I have met that have asked me to pose in the nude for them. I don't think I would have accepted even when I was thinner!

  8. Um. No. Dating is scary and weird... but not that weird. Honest.

    Although, I've been off the scene for a while now myself...

  9. So funny. I obviously have totally the wrong kind of FB profile picture as I have never had this trouble. Mind you I am forever getting dubious Spam from women.

  10. These pick up lines are terrible! I would not want any pick up line that started with someone's mother. I would be creeped out! These are funny though!

  11. I've been with the Big Tuna for over 30 years. No more pick up lines for me.

  12. Dear Elisa, having never been part of the dating game I have no idea if things are different today from what they used to be. What would be a good pick-up line--then and now????? Peace.

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