Friday, February 8, 2013

How to Break into a House

Before starting, let me tell you, this post was so touching it made me cry: Author Spotlight: EC Stilson

Now, onto the story about breaking into a house. . . .

    Have you ever been locked out of your house?  Well, yesterday my neighbor was.  
    I sat eating a cream-filled donut when suddenly my neighbor came over and told me everything. We called a locksmith. The cheat said he'd come out and charge more than my life's worth! So, my neighbor and I made other plans. We both jumped the fence--even though I'm thirty now and my best years are behind me.  After checking the back door and several windows, my neighbor, who's half runway model half fashion photographer, had an idea.  "I think that window's unlocked."
    "Really?" I looked up at the window, about seven feet from the ground, and suddenly remembered my wild teenage years.  
    Two friends and I had this crazy obsession with going into icy drains where the run-off from the Wasatch Mountains flows.
    The clear water would rush past, smelling of spring.  You never knew when it would flood the chamber. Brushing death (or whatever that saying is) really got to me.  "Most girls wouldn't have done that," my friend The Boarder confessed on various occasions.  Anyway, we never died, obviously.  And I should probably stop writing about this because my mom never knew and if she reads this . . .  Well, that's scarier than a storm drain.
Back to my runway neighbor . . .    
    I kept staring at the window, thinking I'd fit through worse. 
    "With a ladder, I bet I could fit through there," I said.
     "Really?" the runway model asked.     
    "It'll be tight, but yeah."
    So she climbed up a ladder and discovered the window really was unlocked.  That woman even took off the screen before tag-teaming me for this:
    It looks fun, right?  And it was, until realizing my butt hung over a bathtub several feet below me and my legs were stuck.
    "Are you okay?" my neighbor asked.
    "Oh, fine." I smiled.  "Fine."  My legs were practically glued on top of each other. Should I go in, or out.  In? Or out?  Or just cross my legs and smile?  I could even wave to the people congregating in the yard across the way.  Too bad that donut really went to my thighs.
    I shimmied then, remembered being a kid, playing on a playground and hanging from monkeybars by my knees.  Yeah, that almost happened.  Almost.
    I suddenly pulled my right leg to my chest, leaned,  and swiveled like a freakin' ninja. I balanced into the house, AND THEN SLIPPED ON THE TUB'S EDGE.  
 . . . It's the little things that'll kill ya! . . .
    A good rule to know when breaking into a house--through the smallest window--is that one should never wear slippery shoes.
    "Ahhh." I clasped my hand over my mouth, moon walking like Michael Jackson before clutching onto a beautiful towel that saved me.
    "Are you okay?" my amazing neighbor asked again.  
    "I'm fine," I croaked still hugging the towel.  "Fine."   
    But the truth is . . . I'm GREAT!  I have to say that I kind of loved it.  What an adventureSure it wasn't a life-threatening drain, but I still did something exciting . . . I did the origami AND the moon walk!  Like someone said last week, maybe 30 really is just a number.

P.S.  If you want to know more about my time as a crazy teenager, please go here.

Have you ever broken into someone's house? 


  1. Love that picture! Can't say that I've ever dared such a feat, but you make it sound fun. Lol

  2. Awesome - good thing I have a superhero for a neighbor to come rescue me :)

  3. LOL! I think that's the most fun I've had in years :)

  4. Child, your best days and years are yet to come. And no, I have not broken into a house. If I ever get locked out of my house, I'll have to pay the locksmith with my pot of gold, found at the end of a rainbow (which means it doesn't exist).


  5. Dear Elisa, being an origami sounds so special. Maybe pretzel is another word to consider! Peace.

  6. As I said on Facebook, "Way to go, Window Woman!!"

  7. haha awesome job. Brave with the storm drain too. And yeah 30 is just a number, although have to watch those bathtub edges, don't heal as quick when you're 30 hahaha

    I've broken into a few, one with and old rickety ladder my brother held together as I made my way for the window, but the ladder started to break as I got there, so he quickly let go of it and just shoved me through the window lol

  8. Great job! You know, I never broke into a house- but I did break into my apartment. As soon as you'd close the door it would lock behind you, and wouldn't you know that I'd done it and left my keys inside when the management office was closed.

    Our second story apartment was right next to a stairway and my slightly open bedroom window was right over a four foot gap between the stairs and the wall. But the window was only a couple feet away from the railing along the walkway. So I climbed over the railing and managed to pull out the screen window. And then I climbed into the window to get in.

    What an adrenaline rush! (My roommate was there supervising and holding onto my arm to make sure I didn't fall- which was helpful, she had to do the same thing later in the month)

    Then of course, there was the time I had to break into our downstairs neighbor's patio with a high fence because my cat had fallen off our patio into the one below. (He wasn't injured, but was very sore and couldn't jump out)

  9. As I recall '30' is the best year of all -- at least that's when I looked and felt my best! As for breaking into a house -- I have a feeling I did -- but it was so long ago, I just can't rem!mber the details! Congratulations on your daring-do and contortionist ability -- well done!

  10. Haha good to know that I am not alone with such doors and such predicament

  11. I used to break into houses all the time when I used to be a locksmith (and yes, our house calls are expensive!). The worst though was when I locked myself out of the house when I just went into the attached garage to get more firewood...and I was in a cute floral nightie that my sis got me for Christmas from Victoria's Secrets! Luckily my dad had left his dirty work pants in the garage so I didn't have to flash my neighbors when I partially crawled under the deck to get the spare key...I still have nightmares...

  12. Only my own home. Had to use phone to bang on the stuck screen door lock to get in today - but I'm not counting that.

  13. Wow, you did a great service for your neighbor! Well done on the post, loved it.

  14. Super hero Elisa saves the day! Nicely done.

    Have I ever broken into a house? Long awkward pause, as I Google the statute of limitations in two US States.