Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Suave Spouse

My husband is hilarious.  He's only directly asked me to clean the house once in ten years.  He's never asked for a certain food for dinner.  He's never pressured me to do laundry.  He's never done any of that; I guess that's why the other day shocked me so much.

We talked about Ticket Tom.  He laughed, remembering the details Ger-tay had told him about the yard sale.  We sat smiling, holding each other, when suddenly my husband got a great idea.  He looked like Loki, planning a master heist.  His forehead turned calculating and his eyes darted about the room.
(Check out Siv if you like Norse Mythology; she's AMAZING! LOKI THE TRICKSTER)

 So, anyway, my husband who's such a carefree man, decided to play hardball.


On a side note, this picture is so my luck.  My husband and I posed, then for some crazy reason we actually started playing our instruments.  I got really into it.  A wind stirred, probably from the power of the music and the shade blocker . . . well, it just blew over on us.  I'd barely opened my eyes here.

The photographer (who's so amazing she'll even lie in dirt just to get the right shot) took the picture as the shade blocker fell on us.  It was hilarious!  I thought I'd just gone out for some pictures, I didn't know I'd get to have an adventure too!  Anyway, this picture shows us both stopping mid-song so we can catch the thing. 

If you'd like to hear our music, go here: Our Music: The Fifth Side

Back to the point . . . Cade looked around like Loki planning a heist.  One eyebrow raised, practically defying the other one.  "You know," he said.  "I'm not pointing any fingers here, or saying something about anyone, but if I was home and I had four kids that look very similar to ours.  If I was here ALL day, and had some free time.  I think I might consider going through the closets and getting rid of some junk."


"Yeah, just if I was . . . someone."

"Who looked like me?"


"Well . . . if I was you.  And I had some free time, I might just throw stuff away so I could help my charming wife."

"Really?" he asked, obviously unaware of how busy a mom's day can be.

He left to work and yesterday I decided I'd play nice and do what he said.  I put Thomas the Tank Engine on for The Zombie Elf.  I brought Doctor Jones with me and we opened the front closet.  Everything went great--for the first two seconds.  I found one pair of shoes to get rid of.  I smiled and sang.  Nesting had never felt so good.  I didn't have to suffer from pregnancy and I could still nest quite nicely!  I'd only found two pairs of shoes to give away, when Doctor Jones started choking.

She sat right next to me.  She wore a pair of boots (size 9) while she coughed.  I screamed, freaking out.  I swabbed her mouth, tipped her upside down and hit her on the back.  I held my own breath, hoping she would be okay.  I hit her over and over.  That's when she upchucked everywhere.  I guess she'd eaten a piece of cat food.

I cringed.  How is it that babies can still find crap EVEN WHEN YOU JUST VACUUMED?  What was a piece of cat food doing there anyway?  Doctor Jones can sniff anything out!  She's practically a super agent!

Well, things were bad, but they could have been worse.  Her agent-like aim hadn't hit the shoes, but had still nailed our new rug.  "I'm so glad you're okay, baby girl."  I really was.  I hugged her tightly.  It had been scary and traumatic.  So, when Cade got home, I had a talk with him.

"You know how if you were that girl who had four kids just like ours, and how you'd go through the closets and stuff?"

"Yeah."  He nodded.

"Well, I got rid of some things today."

"Really?" he smiled super big.  "Like what?"

"Two pairs of your shoes."

"My . . . shoes?"

I almost laughed.

He paused, hoping I'd made the right choice.

"I wanted to do more, but Doctor Jones.  Well, Doctor Jones ate some cat food . . . and . . . threw up.  But the great news is that I got rid of one more thing."

"What was that?" he asked, looking horrified about the cat food.

"I got rid of the rug."


"Because it's not washable and there are some traumas that not even a rug can bounce back from."

He suddenly laughed.  "The new rug?"

"Yeah, do you hate me?"

"No."  He smiled.  "But I am wondering, which pairs of my shoes you got rid of."

After all that, we decided we'll go through the closets together.  That should be easier and then I won't chuck stuff that Cade wants to keep.

The main point of the story is: I tried.  I wanted to get rid of some stuff, but it wasn't in my cards.  I guess I'll try again later, maybe when Doctor Jones is sleeping.  Do you ever have moments like this?  Has your spouse ever become you (hypothetically)?  Has your kid ever eaten cat food, miraculously survived and then destroyed a new rug?  I'd love to read your stories.


  1. Oh yes this sounds familiar. I just chucked half the stuff in our basement and my sawman, who also reminds me of Loki at times, did this:
    Went through all the bags and put half of the stuff back again. You just can't win for trying...LOL! Great post as usual.

  2. Well, I can't say that I ever went throuh something like that because, first, I don't have a very adorable baby and second I don't have a very cute and understanding hubby who will just smile when I happen to ruin a very new rug. Haha.. You have a very nice post that gives us a glimpse of what your life is like. I maakes me green with envy.. Haha..

  3. yeah it finally worked.. K so No my kid just got into the litter box which is way more disgusting! Everytime I try to get rid of something Phil goes into "maybe we should keep it just in case" mode. I always want to say... in case of what? What could we possibly need an empty aluminum can for?

  4. At least he decided to help you in the end! Glad Dr. Jones is okay. My hubby doesn't "hypothetical" on me, he just does it. That sounds great and all, until you consider that he only just does it if he is pissed at me. So naturally I don't like it when he cleans, cause that means I did something wrong, or didn't do something at all. Of course there is one exception that I am currently enjoying, and that is after just having a baby, he can clean and I feel no guilt!

  5. Candis you are a trip! Oh btw Ms Sunshine and rainbows Elisa.... TAG YOUR IT! Thank Siv for me would ya? lol

  6. I went and listened to some of your songs...my favorite...by far....love letters!

  7. Okay, so I had to come back and comment after the one you left me a few minutes ago....

    I seriously LOL'd! I never thought that scaring the hoppers away with the fear of God would work, but since they're of the devil, I see no reason why it wouldn't! Thanks, Elisa! You're the B-E-S-T!

  8. He sure did good with the plague of locusts in Egypt LOL!

  9. I cleaned out my car because I was giving a friend a lift to the movies, so I filled a large black plastic bag with all my C.D's, my brand new shoes I purchased on my Sydney trip, and all little nic nac girly valuables I had floating around. I placed it behind the door in the laundry (I was in a rush) thought nothing more of it, until a few days later I went to wear my new shoes. I felt sick with a thought....Where was the bag? I went to the laundry...GONE! I gingerly approached the hubby. 'Hun, you know that bag? In the laundry?" I was afraid to ask, because he proudly told me "I took the rubbish out" Noooooo. He was so impressed with himself thinking that he had done the 'right thing' I was soooo upset! I would have kicked myself, but that just makes me think of my shoes :(


  10. Your blog answered a niggling thought I've been having: should I start going through our stuff? After seeing my late mother's house in April, I have decided I have just enough time to clean out my stuff and put labels on each thing. I hope I have another 20 years, because I am going to need it.

  11. My mom does this to me! Even if it's her things, "Do you think you want to go through some stuff this week... maybe throw some stuff out.." Stuff that isn't mine... lol. This was so amusing and definitely brightened my day!