Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Sagget Lover Returns

The Zombie Elf has had strep four times in the last two months.  Needless to say, we've seen a lot of The Sagget Lover.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm referring to our pediatrician.  I swear the man hates me and even though our personalities don't mesh, we try getting along for the health of my children.

He's a cantankerous man and I try showing him the happy side of life . . . too bad it only makes him grumpier.
So, yesterday I took The Zombie Elf to the doctor.  We're going on a cruise next week and he CAN NOT be sick.  I made the kids seven outfits each.  My children tried on the clothes--so excited--but when my son suddenly spiked a 103.0 fever, I knew I had to bring him to The Sagget Lover again.

When that cantankerous doctor walked into the room, I couldn't believe his thumb.  He had a big, blue cast on it, which I thought was ironic considering the post I put up yesterday about A Thumb-altering Moment.  I tried not to stare, but it just filled the room like a fat elephant.

You know how some guys can't look you in the eyes and they just stare at your boobs instead . . .  Well, that's what I did to him.  I mean--I didn't stare at his pecks.  I couldn't pull my eyes from his thumb.

"I assume, you'd like to ask me how my weekend went," Blue Thumb said.

That's normally where I'd ask him how he was doing, but I was so excited to tell him about my date with Cade, I couldn't hold my happiness in.  "No, actually.  I wanted to tell you that I went Sky Diving.  No biggie," I said nonchalantly, still studying that massive thumb.

"You went Sky Diving."

"Sure did."

"I knew it," he said.  "So you're one of those kinds of people."

Now, The Sagget Lover can make anything sound bad.  He has this way of taking my perfectly happy balloon and trying to pop it.  But no matter how hard he tries, I'll never give him that satisfaction.  "What kind of people are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh, just people that would jump from a perfectly good plane."

I slapped him on the back.  "It was fun!  Plus, that little plane was scarier than jumping.  It was kinda refreshing thinking that if the plane went down, I already had a parachute strapped to my back."

He groaned and rubbed the sore part on his back.

"You should go.  I bet you'd be the best sky diver ever.  You'd fall so fast it would be good for you."

"I'd fall so fast?"

"Sure, at least as fast as I did."  K--so I'd sounded like an idiot.  He raised a brow and I shrugged.  "So, would you ever go sky diving?"  I wanted to call him doctor grump, but I restrained as my boy smiled and talked to him.

"It's not allowed on my life insurance.  I actually signed a paper saying I wouldn't go."


"Ummm . . . not really."  He rolled closer to me and looked down patronizingly.  "I'm what they'd call a responsible adult."  The man was cracking me, actually pissing me off.  I've known him for over four years.  I've taken him in stride, even made him smile a few times and yet he'd started to crack my resolve just because he hates people who are good at falling.

That's when I'd had it.  I glared at his thumb, I know I shouldn't have, but I did.  "So, what happened to you this weekend?"

"I thought you'd never ask.  I got ran over by a four wheeler."

"A what?"  I didn't think he was serious.

"A four wheeler.  I got ran over by a mosquito abatement officer."

I started laughing.  That man has such a dry sense of humor.  "That's a good one!  I've never heard someone come up with something like that on the fly.  Nice."

His face went limp.  "I'm not joking."

I tried clearing my throat.  "You're serious.  Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.  You really got hit, by a four wheeler?"

"Run over, but yes.  Are you done laughing now?"

"I'm so sorry."  He was upset--that man who hates parachutes, was actually miffed.  I tried thinking of something fast.  "So what exactly happened?  I totally thought you were kidding."

"Well, I was riding my bike . . . when this mosquito abatement officer just barreled into me.  He rolled over my thumb and broke it in several places."

"I cut my thumb in half on a table saw once.  Thumb wounds suck."  I showed him my thumb, and apparently it was his turn to laugh.

"You really got it good, didn't you?" he asked.

"I sure did."

After he diagnosed The Zombie Elf with strep once again, I got up to leave and when he saw how hard it was carrying The Zombie Elf and Doctor Jones, he actually offered to help me out.

"I've got it," I smiled and he smiled back.

So, the cantankerous man laughed AND smiled.  I'm sure I offended him several times throughout the conversation--by telling him he'd fall extra fast, or by laughing about his four wheeling trauma.  But at least it ended well.

Anyway, The Zombie Elf has strep again.  If he has it one more time this year, he'll need to get his tonsils out.  At least he should be feeling good for the cruise.  We leave on Sunday.  It's super busy getting everything packed and ready, but I'm really excited.  Disney World here we come!


  1. everytime I hear about this doctor, I am glad my doctor laughs at all my jokes (cuz they are good ones) and just says "typically" a whole lot.

  2. Dang it, I'm signed in as my huband again!!

  3. At least yours laughs occasionally. I swear mine sees my name on his chart and devises new forms of tortures. He's a patient terrorist. Buttface! Sorry the elf is sick again.. Poor kid! I guess its his turn to monopolize the special chair. haha

  4. Oh my gosh, how funny!! Thanks for the laugh!! Hope your kid stays healthy for the cruise. Have fun!

  5. My pediatrician, well any doctors I have had in general, haven't exactly been great conversationalists. Must be "in their damn job description practically." *wink* Love you hun! Hope your little one gets feeling better soon.

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